Wednesday, 30 June 2010

99 First World Problems - Part 2

We mustn't stop whining, not now when the sun is out! As an English person, it is incumbent upon me to complain about a vast number of heat related topics. Also, I said I would reach 99, and I am a woman of my word. Join in, if you can raise the energy to type.

1. The weepette is fucking annoying in the heat. In the house it spends all day depositing balls in my lap and whimpering. If taken to the park, it lurks in the bushes, avoiding eye contact, and refuses to chase a ball, in the manner of a plump fourteen year old during double games. I half expect to see a Woodbine smouldering in the corner of its mouth, but no, it is mainly busy licking abandoned ice cream wrappers. Since returning home, I note that it appears to have managed to roll in something foul smelling. Oh, lovely. Lovely, lovely, lovely. Eau de Crotte de Renard pour Weepette.

2. On top of this, the park in summer is a zone of terror for me, due to having a head which attracts projectiles as surely as the 92 tram attracts smelly lunatics. Frisbees, footballs, boomerangs, they are all coming straight for me. The frequency with which I have been thwacked on the back of the head by a "fun" projectile while a gang of youths dissolves in giggles defies the laws of both probability and physics.

2. My neighbours, the Von Trapps, have taken to living entirely out of doors in the beautiful sunshine. They are endlessly, loudly, annoying. On Sunday they had a family meeting which kicked off with sung prayers. And it hurts my ribs to laugh at the moment, so I am doubly annoyed with them.

3. This.

4. My bank have seen fit to cancel my credit card due to "suspected fraud" AGAIN. They do this every couple of months. Since the cash machine swallowed my debit card recently, I am once again without visible means of support. Marvellous! Thank you ING, you band of orange halfwits! (I am in credit, by the way. This is not even my fault, for once).

5. I do not wish to cook, yet I still wish to eat. Due to 4, I cannot solve this conundrum by throwing money at it. Monstrously inconvenient. Lunch is thus an ancient strawberry Cornetto from the very bottom of the freezer. Dinner might be a bag of frozen peas or possible a raw chicken breast popsicle.

6. The stuff I have been using to wash the floor smells HORRIBLE, like a stale old people's home. It is too far to the supermarket to get some that doesn't smell like sheltered housing. I am surrendering to the inevitable. Or I might slosh some bleach around if I'm feeling fancy. Oh, it's all go here.

7. There is no iced coffee in Brussels. I don't normally like iced coffee, but now that I can't have it I am furiously desperate to have some. I crave it like a sticky, sweet, milky drink junkie. I want the nasty kind you get on Greek islands, which is inexplicably delicious considering it is Nescafé and milk and sugar. Or cheap, nasty, Mr Whippy made with emulsified seal fat in the time honoured manner. If you can find "glace italienne" as it is called in Francophone places (I bet the Italians are delighted with that), it tastes distressingly like it is made of natural ingredients, and melts properly. For me, Mr Whippy is only authentic if it does not really melt at all, and barely tastes cold, due to the particular properties of seal fat.

8. The 92 tram makes me want to vomit at this time of year. If I wanted to sit in a pool of someone else's sweat, well... I don't actually know where I'd go, but it sure as hell wouldn't be the Schaerbeek tram dépôt. 20 minutes on the 92 tram currently makes me feel like I will never be clean again. I am not normally bothered about being clean in the first place, but it really is an extra-special level of disgusting which activates even my well-suppressed revulsion reflexes.

9. Some kind of nervous tic has made me scratch my left foot until it bleeds in several places. Pretty! Excellent with strappy sandals! Oddly, I remember doing precisely the same thing this time last year. It's lovely to note that my coping strategies have not evolved even slightly in twelve months.

10. My strimmer is in some way defective and has used up the whole spool of stringy stuff. Is this too technical for you? Yeah, me too. ANYWAY. The bastard no longer works. I would have to go to Brico to make it work. I would rather lick the seats of the 92 tram than go to Brico right now. Consequently, my neighbours hate me for the revolting state of my garden. Yeah, whatever. Stop singing and abusing woodwind instruments, then we'll talk.

11. The summer makes me feel like I should be out having frenetic, hysterical fun. I am not qualified in frenetic, hysterical fun, nor do I know where it lives, so instead I have a sort of permanent restlessness.

12. My chest is too large and does not fit into anything. I know one's décolleté is not the worst place to gain weight, and it does have the advantage of ahem, drawing the eye away from weight gain in other areas. But it is very annoying for clothes purposes. I need some kind of reinforced steel Marks & Spencer Joan of Arc minimiser bra.

13. Mood swings like a pre-menstrual gorilla. Rejoice! Snarl. Weep. Rejoice! Snarl. Weep. Exhausting.

14. Getting over Stuff takes longer than you could ever believe. I am boring myself.

15. The Cos sale will be starting soon and I will have to walk past it and resist going in.

16. My suncream makes my fingers feel funny and puts my teeth on edge. Moreover, despite my best suncream efforts I am very freckly, like a village idiot.

17. 90% of my wardrobe is in a crumpled heap on the floor. Of the remaining 10% I fit into 0.1% and of that 0.1% I wish to wear 0.00000001% (this probably equates to one sock). When I even look at the iron my bones turn to jelly.

18. I only got halfway through Season 4 of 30 Rock before the TOTALLY legal method I was watching it with er, broke.

19. My nearest supermarket does not sell bags of ice. I must either make my own (OH THE HUMANITY) or walk an extra 500 yards. Unbearable.

20. Ceiling Thing, rather brilliantly, managed to fall off the ceiling whilst leaving behind one green sticky limb, which will be almost impossible to remove. Magnificent!

21. I am completely unequal to the task of finding 33 things to whine about today because actually, secretly, I am really quite enjoying the sun. Ssssssh.

Ok, your turn. One or more first world whines in the comments. How unbearably heavy is your glass of Pimms? Does the gentle thunk of tennis balls give you a migraine? I am hear to commisterate.

49 comments:

frau antje said...

Someone sells ice down there? Whoa. Respect.

1. My glasses broke. I now have one pair that always give me a headache, and one pair that glides on like a broken hypodermic needle.

2. This was once the capital of orange halfwits, but my urging them all to 'stop breathing, then we'll talk' is getting me nowhere.

I was going to get a Super Soaker to clean the awnings (have decided I'm glad they're dirty), you might have the boys use one to remove the green sticky limb. Seriously, it will make more sense tomorrow when you're impressing the Von Trapps by spending the day outside in an inflatable wading pool. Or Friday when, if the forecast is correct, we'll all be dead.

Jaywalker said...

I forgot to tell you, Frau Antje, how very much your comment on Ceiling Thing made me laugh last time. Sorry. It did. We're all dying on Friday eh? Hmm. M and I concluded on Monday that we were probably already dead and in hell, so I can't imagine it will make much difference.

WrathofDawn said...

20. Made me laugh right out loud, in a very chic sound reminiscent of a mule braying. Well done!

My trailer park trash neighbours actually rang my doorbell the other night! They are even more horrifying up close! They look like extras from the X-file episode with the inbred creatures who kept their mother under the floorboards.*

They want to build a garage on their property and have to get my permission, as it is adjacent to my driveway, before the city will grant them a building permit.

What, under the floorboards isn't good enough for them anymore?


*Of course they don't. But they do look even trashier. Luckily for them, I am classy enough for us all. Oh, yes. I am all about the class.

Xtreme English said...

1. The landlady billed EACH of us 1/3 of her (by my lease, SHE pays all the utilities) May utility bill. It's not our fault she can't keep up with her utiity bills. we froze to death last winter cuz she kept setting the thermostat at 50F. and she still complained of the cost.

2. i have been doing the EFT exercises for my lack of funds to no freakin' avail. Everywhere you go, prices are twice what they were last winter (3 months ago).

3. the housemate has retaliated against the landlady's ban on using the dishwasher by leaving all her dirty dishes in the sink this a.m. yes, i washed them. yes, i cleaned up the pools on the countertop. yes, i am going to move to ummm...mexico? the peso there is worth .07 or .08 USD. i know nobody there, and i know no spanish. not a problem.

Xtreme English said...

p.s. i love these first world problems posts, and i keep sending them to my pals, who also love them. what a great idea. great execution, too.

jessb said...

1. A deranged black bird (with a death wish, one would assume) insists on perching on my bedroom roof at 6 in the morning and doing its absurdly repetitive screeching noises. If I owned a gun (and could aim and hit anything ever) it would be a black bird pie. Although that would warrant baking (in this heat? madness) so probably I'd just feed the fucker to the neighbour's cat.

2. I chipped my toenail polish and the remover is, like, ALL the way upstairs.

3. Weird mumbling landlady insists I mow her crappy crusted brown lawn but does not provide a machine with which to do this. As a result, the lawn resembles what I imagine yours looks like E.

4. Am going to Greece on Saturday for a week and owing to my own deathly Celtic pallor, I am likely to spend entire time either under wraps or resembling an oven-baked tomato (with white sticks because like you, my legs remain obstinately white no matter what the rest of me looks like).

5. I am not, nor will I ever be, willowy and bronzed. Am stumpy and have eaten so many Haribo Gummy Bears (which are primarily made up of carnuba wax...disturbing. Knowing this doesn't stop me eating them, but does make me pause every now and then) that I'm starting to resemble one.

jessb said...

p.s - should point out that I am not the animal killing kind, so my threats against the blackbird are empty. I think it knows this and its chirping sounds have begun to take on a mocking tone...

frau antje said...

Unless you two have some mad dogs and Englishmen scheme up your sleeves, Friday will be noteworthy in a way that makes hell look good. And I'm not talking about the possibility of Oranje making it into the semi-finals either.

Jaywalker said...

33° I see. Nice. The dog nearly passed out in the park today as it is. We will just have to spend the day in the bath.

The Vegetable Assassin said...

I dropped five pounds of potatoes on my toes last night and have a toe that looks like a failed boxer only more purple. Grumble.

And your numbers 5 and 12 apply to me REGULARLY recently. And thinking about it, might actually be linked!

katyboo1 said...

Because of the hot weather and the fact that I wish to wear sandals, I am obliged to do something about my hobbit feet. They are so vile that I have to use the ped egg outside or we will all die in a cloud of grated foot dust and it will be like Pompeii but in Glenfield.

I have spent large parts of the last fortnight obliged to deal with stupid people who want my help. I am stupid, but at least I don't want my help and I don't keep ringing myself up to whinge. I may suggest that they get a blog.

Sarah L. said...

1. Lacking a proper yard, I must walk the dog. Today we walked to the park and he brought me pine cones covered in slimy, stringy slobber to throw. If left un-thrown, he chews them to bits. Part dog, part squirrel.

2. The smoke detector battery ran low and started beeping. Of course, no replacement battery. Removing low battery does nothing to stop incessant beeping, so we remove entire unit (much cursing while balancing precariously on a chair). Better to burn in our sleep than take 5 minutes to go to store and get replacement.

3. On account of somewhat neurotic cycling habit, have exposed various body parts to the sun for varying lengths of time, resulting in a patchy (but natural!) bronzing. Lovely in sleeveless. Lovely.

4. Flaky scalp. Wearing white is not a safe option because I am accident prone and slovenly. Wearing dark colors shows off accumulation on shoulders and chest nicely.

Em said...

Oh Ms Waffle, please know that as your chest gets bigger some of us are left floundering around in the shadows having to heft and 'supplement' their tiny, teensy bosomy bits.

A first world problem if ever there was one. I hope Mr Obama takes this on board. You know, after the BP stuff and the war and that.

theharridan said...

1. I have terrible terrible hair. Gwyneth Paltrow calls her hair 'Jewfro'. I think I have jewfro hair, but I am not sure. I am not a jew. It is quite fluffy though. And anyway, Gwyneth is mental. Her hair is silky and straight like an untouched Barbie and it probably smells delicious. Although it may have a whiff of the Dead Inside about it.

2. I really just want to stay in my cool dark basement flat in the summer, but those pesky kids make me go out. I am a bit like the Vampire, all shrinking away from the bright light.

3. i am sad i have to bare my arms.

4. all food seems wrong, except for ice cream.

5. my feet get blackened, swollen and cracked every day like old people with bad circulation. i blame those birkenstocks. I know in my head I should give them up for some wedges or peeptoe boots or even CLOGS but I cannot muster the strength.

i am jealous that you have a dog, by the way. We only have silverfish and a few moths.

Jaywalker said...

Harridan, you can HAVE my dog. Take him! He's yours! He's a bit rubbish in hot weather though. He swooned in the park today like a minor Jane Austen character and I had to carry him home.

Jaywalker said...

And Em, know that I would swap in a heartbeat, and dream of having a flat chest. DREAM of it.

Lisa-Marie said...

Could you make a chain of ceiling things, and then pull them all down?

Em said...

Done! They're yours. And postage will be very cheap due to being extremely *ahem* lightweight.

the polish chick said...

hm, and here i thought that flying objects only hit me on the head. i always say that walking through an empty field in the middle of the night, i shall be the one to get knocked out by a flying ball of some sort.

first world problems?

1. just had my pedi done and i am not thrilled with the shade of the nail polish nor the amount of skin the young lady removed from my hooves.

2. heat? what's that? i should like some, i think, but it's not happening.

3. currently (again) unemployed and am feeling snarky that mr. monkey asked me to take time out of my extremely busy schedule to get the oil changed in the car.

4. broke my favourite silver chain.

5. swimsuits look terrible on me (or do i look terrible in them? either way, not good)

6. large boobs, oh yes, no thanks!

theharridan said...

you tease me with your casual dog-giving. i want a dog even more than a fifth child. and that says a LOT.

Bryony said...

I have just had my leg taken out of plaster after 10 weeks. I look like a bad dish of neapolitan icecream. Good leg is brown(ish), bad leg is pale and goosepimply. Cannot get legs to match despite use of Evolve "glow cream" (your number 3 made me retch with sympathy)...

Due to scar tissue on back of my leg and brand new tendon arrangment, I cannot walk uphill so will have to walk uphill backwards. Do not want to be known as crazy backwards lady in my neighourhood so cannot walk back from town and have to take taxis.

Am v anxious about pale leg and backwards walking at forthcoming Latitude festival

sigh....

Anonymous said...

My first world problems:

1. Gwyneth Paltrow

2. Bills, for things like clean, running, hot and cold water. And electricity to power fans and Internet.
3. I also have a funny sports-gear tan. Yeesh.
4. So many novels to read, so little time to read them.
5. Gwyneth Paltrow. Seriously, she is a nightmare first world problem.

C/Kalgon

Cary said...

1) I want to buy a bike but I cannot afford the brand new gorgeous red cruiser that my heart desires so I have to settle for craigs list.

2) This is a problem as I'm convinced all bikes on Craigs list are stolen.

3) Today the database I'm trying to build made me look like an idiot by suddenly revealing that it wasn't working because of my mistake.

4) I still have to resolve another problem with the database and now because of problem number 3 I don't have a leg to stand on when I claim the issue is nothing to do with me and its some sort or excel/access weirdness.

5) I accidentally stole a mug from the union office today which may mean I'm going senile.

6) I am the third oldest person in my economics class and I have no idea about all the crappy maths stuff that the 20 year olds with their agile little brains take in their stride. So I'm definitely going senile.

Cary said...

Forgot to add the bank charged me whole five dollars for taking a mere $20 out of my savings account. If I had transferred the money first to my current account and then taken the funds out it would have cost me nothing. Very miffed about this.

GingerB said...

My breasts are so large that my bad neck aches all the time, which gives me migraines, and my doctor thinks I should decrease my use of pain pills. Insurance does not cover breast reduction and even if I got one I wouldn't be able to pick up my kiddos for at least six weeks, so I can't do it anyway.

My feet are at least as bad as Katyboo's, causing me to spend $20 today on a new foot file. I have a crack so big I can't fix it with superglue, so I can't exercise to try to bring down size of large breasts.

I broke two of my finernails doing laundry.

Mee said...

1. ING bastards have told us to cancel our cards as well, and can't get replacements out to us before our holidays. I have shouted at them on phone, husband has shouted at them in branch, they have sniggered at poor hapless customers expecting some service.

2. Breasts refuse to shrink even if I lose weight on every other part of body, but when I regain the weight, they grow even bigger. Buy properly fitted bras from specialist shop but still they cut into my shoulders under the strain.

3. Cappuccino has gone cold while I type this.

Anonymous said...

Does anyone else have cellulite on their whole legs not just thighs the WHOLE leg they say it looks better tanned, I faked it I LOOK LIKE FERMENTING YEAST please help me..........

Anonymous said...

1. It's the heat, in general, and then guilt for complaining about it after waiting MONTHS for constant warmth &, more importantly, sunshine. My feet & ankles keep swelling -- I look like I have elephantiasis -- & it's too freaking hot to cover this up with jeans. (I'm blaming the heat. It could also be spending six or more hours at a stretch on the computer, staying up all night, drinking too much coffee and/ or alcohol...) Oh hell, I used to have "sexy" ankles. Now they're just podgy...which is also the situation with

2. My upper arms. I haven't had "shapely" arms since I was 11-years-old. Even in this heat I continue to wear sleeves (& envy those women with well-defined biceps).

3. My bosom (reference your #12.) also keeps getting bigger. (And nobody seems to notice any additional cleavage.) Maybe it's something in the tap water in Belgium.

4. I look like a beached whale in a bathing suit.

5. I have been watching far too many reality shows on TV (ever since we got that damn big ass flat screen the husband wanted to view the World Cup...which is another rant...). As a result, I notice my first four "problems" have been about MY physical appearance.
And, from the sofa, all those house cleaning, redesigning, totally makeover in just one hour shows are so exhausting that my place remains an unfinished tip.
(I know I could turn off the TV. Then I can go online.)

6. It's the heat. I'm totally brain-addled.

7. Mokafe in the Galeries de la Reine/ des Princes (the oldest shopping "mall" in Belgium), near Brussels' Central Station/ Grand Place, has a tall drink "cafe Viennois froid". It's real coffee, cold, with scoops of coffee & vanilla ice cream & (optional...HAH! As if!)whipped cream. OK, it's NOT the purists' ice coffee (ice, cold coffee, milk) but it's delicious (& one more reason I kept my "winter weight" this summer).

If Friday is going to be hotter, the weekend will be hell -- if My Yahoo! page weather forecast is to be believed.

Chill, Pat in Belgium

Jaywalker said...

Thank you Pat. Your iced coffee (well, big old ice cream sundae really, but who cares) information is most interesting. I know what I will be doing when I get out of here.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to post twice.

I could add 8. The damn laptop has been '"possessed" since last night. (And it doesn't help that I'm technically deficient.)

Pat

magpie said...

Too many to name when I'm meant to be writing serious things for work...
But lack of funds for Tom Ford lipstick and the Christopher Kane dress reduced to £150 in the sale. Also the silent refusal of JFK to empty the dishwasher or do washing up. I keep leaving dirty crockery on the side meaningfully but to no avail. It's not my fault that he is out all the time and barely uses the kitchen, he should still help to clean up after me.

From Belgium said...

1. I only want to eat icecream
2. Mother keeps pointing out how fat I am with baby n°2 (shutup mom)
3. Craving Sangria or Moijoto but can not touch them due to baby n°2
4. I would love to be able to walk around naked all day, but the polish construction crew across the street can look into my house and garden
5. I want to go swimming, but have no bathing suit
6. My cat leaves dead mice for me to find on our brand new terras.
etc etc etc

Betty M said...

Hearing you on 12. I wanted to buy a dress but can't due to still breastfeeding and having ludicrous boobs with cup sizes in parts of the alphabet I never realized they used. Anything that fits the boobs swamps elsewhere. Very annoying as stomach region still not really fit to be confined in a skirt.

Will be looking out for single white legged backwards hillwalker at Latitude

Margaret said...

Where to begin? The Essie nail polish in Fiji that I saw on a girl at the supermarket does not look opaque and beachy and pretty on my toes, it looks streaky and odd and not entirely unlike slightly pink Wite-Out.

I want to buy a nice apartment with a balcony in a good neighborhood but no one will sell one to me for a reasonable price.

I don't know what to have for lunch. I never know what to have for lunch. There's never anything in the fridge to have for lunch. I hate lunch.

I can't find any little cotton cardigans in summery colors that aren't absurdly expensive.

Anonymous said...

I really really regret not buying the white silk trousers. Half price!
I can't wear white being a magnet for in(un?)definable grey stuff.

I'm going on holiday for 2 weeks soon and feel under pressure to buy miniature hair and skin stuff which won't be used but will be oh so pretty. Any recommendations?

I second Mokafe. Also Kafka did a jolly good one last week.

I would like a new hair style but can't decide what to have. I wish I had cheekbones.
I hate my boobs. Especially in this heat.

Upla have a sale and I NEED the shiny red bag. I'm thinking of getting it which is madness just before the holiday. But if it's on sale....

Fran

Anonymous said...

Also, the cafes off Pl Stephanie generally do a good iced coffee. I like mine no sugar and nearly black to ensure trembles and jitters for the remainder of the day.

Fran

J. said...

Cary--skip Craig's List and buy your bike at a police auction. Then you can be sure it was stolen.

-I'm having a fashion crisis re: what to wear to a social event this Saturday. What does one wear to a hipster lesbian wedding in an architectural salvage warehouse on a holiday weekend in July?
-Related to the fashion crisis: I've developed a massive acne cyst (near the corner of my eye, bizarrely), and the dermatologist is booked full until next week. I am sure the cyst will be immortalized on film, as one of the brides at the upcoming wedding is best friends with my husband (he's giving a toast) and we have already been warned that we will be photographed extensively with her.
-I somehow agreed to invite 100 people for a party next weekend to my smallish 2 flat with a postage-stamp sized yard. I am hoping most of them will decline, but expect to still have to clean up and make pasta salad for 50. I lose sleep praying that they don't all show up at once and overtax the front porch, which we recently learned is not actually attached to the building.
-The house is a tip from all the DIY my husband has been doing. The bright paint we chose for the bathroom makes the doorway glow at night when the light's on, like the Green Lantern might be hanging out in there in his free time from fighting crime. Also, all the shelves he (my husband, not GL) hung are all slightly crooked--not enough that you'd notice at first, but enough to eventually drive me insane as I contemplate them while brushing my teeth every day.
-The two kinds of steroids I'm on for my autoimmune disease flare-up make me feel like I've had too much coffee, 24/7.
-I need a pedicure like a champ.
-Gwyneth Paltrow.

p.s. Since commenting on the previous post re: first world problems, I have experienced a 24 hour power cut in 90F, a plague of ants immune to hippie orange oil pesticide, the theft of our (ancient and crappy) reel lawnmower from our unlocked garage, and a colonoscopy. Hopefully this comment doesn't trigger any more of that kind of crappy first world karma.

Anonymous said...

Stopping by again to add three more first world problems:

1. I went to the movies last night and was forced to sit through a preview/trailer for the film "Eat, Pray, Love.". This is going to be a celluloid classic of first world problems!

2.Elizabeth Gilbert - seriously, can't stand her or her whiney books. I fear I will be drummed out of my gender for my ardent dislike.

3.Naturally, Julia Roberts (the lead in the film). I suppose it could have been worse, could have been Gwyneth Paltrow.

C/Kalgon

Artichoke Queen said...

1. Ever since upgrading to the new OS my iPhone has been slow as molasses.

2. The passive-aggressive dishwasher unloading in this house has *got* to stop.

3. I am going camping in the redwoods next week, and my friends will once again make fun of my (perfectly comfy but) rather thin air mattress. I find it annoying.

4. Related to the camping trip, it's a right pain in the ass keeping prosciutto and burrata chilled to an appropriate temperature in a cooler.

5. There are too many chocolate chips in the cookies I baked last night, and that is disappointing.

Failed Extrovert said...

1. Gwyneth Paltrow
2. My iPod just died this morning, cannot afford to replace. Now forced to face unrelieved ennui of other people’s clickclacking keyboards without the benefit of distracting noises
3. It turns out that the flipside of getting free books through the post is that I have to spend an exhausting amount of energy reviewing them. To deadline. What's wrong with just giving me free books for love?
4. Am so wildly popular (ho ho) that twice as many people as estimated will be attending small one’s birthday bbq, when it is forecast to rain. Fourteen toddlers off their heads on sugar and double that number of adults squiffy on cocktails all trapped inside. Mmmm....

Also, Mme Jaywalker, as an F-cup myself I absolutely sympathise with no 12 - this heat makes me feel like sodding Jessica Rabbit and not in a good way. Always thought the poor girl probably suffered from terrible back problems and difficulty finding dresses that fit...

Phil said...

I appreciate it's rather improprietous to expect to visit your 'chambre' but, had such an event occurred, I could have had HOURS of fun sitting on the couch with a big bag of elastic bands, trying to shoot down 'Ceiling Thing'.

Lisa-Marie said...

1. It is husband's birthday today and people are coming - this means i have to make the falt look presentable.

2. The people are our friends - their will be drinking and eating - there will be resulting mess.

3. Husband's parents and sister are coming tomorrow, which means i'll have to clean AGAIN in the morning. With a hangover.

4. Flat is tiny - there isn't space for another four people (I consider this first world becuase we own another flat).

5. They will interrupt my routine, which I don't like.

6. I still don't have a KitchenAid mixer.

7. Am going to London and staying in V posh hotel for anniversary this year, HOWEVER I have to get THE BUS there.

8. The weather is making my hair frizz.

9. There is a lovely bottle of Rioja in the flat that I'm not allowed to drink, because it's posh and expensive and therefor 'for good'.

10. I stayed up late(1.30) on Sunday because my friend Frank was on the BBC's Glastonbury coverage, and he played ONE SONG - that I've heard him play before. I wan not amused.

philb said...

I appreciate it's rather improprietous to assume I might ever have gained access to the Waffle Inner Sanctum to see Ceiling Thing but, had I done so, I would have had hours of fun sitting on the couch with a big bag of rubber bands, trying to shoot the little bugger down.

Sarah said...

1. One of the sweet fledgling robins living in our tree crapped on the patio AS I WATCHED. I was forced to hose off the patio for a solid two minutes before I could finally settle in with a good book and cold iced tea.
2. My iPad (which came free with my brand new car) irritates me because I have to transfer my music files to iTunes before I can use it to play music through the stereo in my brand new car. God.

Bryony said...

I have just heard Tom Jones will be playing in the woods at midnight at Latitude festival. I no longer care about duff leg but what on earth to I wear? (I will be looking out for you Betty M...)

Janet said...

Ok I'm here to share your pain,
1) I have not one but two whippets one of whom (Betty) is in heat, in the heat. My boy whippet (Louis) reacts to this not by making puppies but by following her around crying which if he'd been around when my ex lived here I could understand as learned behaviour.
2) The breast thing
3) The hormone thing. Nearly punched a man for being jolly with me whilst selling me a clown's wig which I needed for a tv thing I'm working on. (A character, dresses up as a clown to show his contempt for the legal system) He also described it as multi-covered rather than multi-coloured and asked if I'd like to try it on.
4) I'm halfway through series 3 of 30 Rock, went to watch it last night and TV shack has been closed down. (Actually don't know if it was legal or not so I'll curb my ingignance s little)
Hope that helps. X

Jaywalker said...

Ahahaha. Janet. You made me LAUGH which is amazing as today I have mainly been moping around being a miserable cow. Thank you xxxx

Anonymous said...

Janet - ha ha ha ha! Your comments made me laugh so loudly that Upstairs FINALLY realised that if THEY can hear ME laughing, I can hear them watching TV far too frickin' loud for a humid Sunday night.

Patent Lawyer said...

99 first world but privilege ain't one!