Monday, 10 May 2010

Things I have discussed today

Whether you could make a handbag out of a panda's head.

Bringing "alien ADM" (sic) back from Mars in 2016.

The correct ratio of cream:jam:scone in a cream tea (500:1:1).


Performance art, with particular reference to Marina Abramovic, men having sex with geese, anal douching on quaaludes, and cow placenta installations.

Sketch, with particular reference to: godawful website, impenetrably confusing mirrored loos, giant pencils.

A cat called Billie Piper.

Whether Tom Ford is actually made of bionic medical grade silicone.

The weepette, various, with a particular focus on stupidity and fondness for chips.

My party next weekend - likely disastrousness thereof. Need for glasses (plastic dinosaur mugs not acceptable).

The recategorisation of online sales as potentially active rather than passive under the new Vertical Restraints regime.


Rescue kitten webcam as a relaxation aid.


The desirability of an art school grading system based on intention rather than execution. Viz: "I intend to film myself pissing in a bucket on Princes Street".

The Wellbox.

What was your best conversation today?


teresacooks said...

here's something random I discoved. . . you must watch the video. I was innocently looking for a restaurant in Boston when I discovered this btw: Now you'll have something else to discuss.

Em said...

Sweet Cheezus, I don't think I've had that many conversations this week, let alone in one day. I'm going to have to start again...

Ok, have a panda head bag. NOT made out of a panda's head though. Mmmmmmmm, know a cat called Billie Piper, Tom Ford is definitely a bionic man, ahh, the weepette. Oh, you want to know about MY conversations today.

It is 9.30am and I have spoken about passive aggressive German men, a birthday party, brilliant made-up jobs and eyebrow threading. And this. Good Morning.

Anonymous said...

Oh lord! I have spent most of today reading boring things and sending even more boring e-mails. Conversations? Hmmm; there was trying to explain for about the millionth time (OK 7th or 8th) why we can only instruct counsel from the approved panel and not the one colleague likes (because his chambers didn't apply);
discussing with a colleague (or if you prefer, bitching about) a snooty, bloodyminded solicitor who wilfully ignores my opinions and convinces himself that because we have discussed something we must have agreed, even though I actually spent half an hour disagreeing with him - then replying to his 3 page letter with a 10 line e-mail;
admiring 18 year old's choice of dress and coat for birthday present while trying to conceal growing horror at price tags and mentally making note to stock up on baked beans and cut out all other food for rest of month;
consoling 16 year old at length about the apparent disaster that will be her GCSE drama performance tomorrow (this is according to her - I have been banned from going to watch as I will make her nervous so I will never know the truth).

puncturedbicycle said...

I had a conversation with my mother about an imminent international transfer of funds. This necessitated a long and convoluted "Who's on First" kind of conversation involving SWIFT and IBAN codes as well as large sums. I foresee a follow-up conversation wherein she finds her scribbled notes perplexing and the codes and sums need to be explained and disentangled, which will be fine because she has generously offered to give me the gift of dental health and beauty, for which I feel immensely grateful and more than a little guilty.
I am shitting myself in advance of the scary part of the procedure (redoing a rubbish old root canal), feeling frivolous for going ahead with the elective stuff (straightening) but also excited that it will all soon be over.

Jeannie said...

I had quite a long conversation with a stranger at the gym today revolving around her hypoglycemia and the fact that she insists that she is *not* a hoarder, although she says she has three rooms and a garage that are nearly that bad. She said she can eat a whole cake at one time and used to weigh 350 lbs or so. I asked her what did the doctor tell her to do about her hypoglycemia, and she said to eat small meals/snacks every two hours with protein at each meal. So that made sense, but she insists she never gets full and doesn't have that shut-off valve that most of us do. That was my most interesting conversation.

redfox said...

I had a conversation with my infant that went about like this:

"Ack. Ho ho ho."

"Oh yes, how true."

"Glee! En queue."

"Yes, you are smiley."

"Go. Oh. Oh!"



Pretty stunning stuff, I think we can all agree.

Kathy said...

Pretty much the only conversation I've had today, aside from the twenty words it took to order my turkey sandwich at lunch, was about why I am called Scooter by those who have known me longest. Sorry, but I've got nothing for you.

Jessica said...

-The Belgian elections, how the media and politicians exploit the language divide to inflame the situation and to create stereotypes of people in the opposite province/region. Zzzz.

-The importance of burping a baby after it eats.

boring, boring, boring was my day.

GingerB said...

After court ended but while still in the courtroom, I sang whole songs from Schoolhouse Rock, which only your American readers will understand, and which teach young kids punctuation, tricky things about grammar, and the like, but it was definitely the highlight of my day. I am grateful that I don't have to see the art that you see.

wv: uncludes the things that got missed for inclusion

Alison Cross said...

Worst conversation: with son, watching bellydancing DVD, lying on sofa, eating chocolate.

Son: Mum, do you think that if you do this DVD you'll look like Ariella?

Me: Yes, why?

Son *regarding slender tattooed form of agile dancer* 'Its. NEVER. Going. To. Happen'

Ali x

katyboo1 said...

I am amazed by the wellbox. Maybe I should just live inside a huge one? Plus, excellent use of the word tissular.

Anonymous said...

I was at preschool today, preparing to run a fire drill by discussing with 4 year olds what they have experienced (when we tented at the camping ground a building burnt in the night and we could hear popping sounds), what we may do if a real fire happens (if you have a phone in your pocket you can call the firemen - or use the next-door school's phone, or if the fire goes that far, go to the phone box on the other road), and also innovative ways to fight the fire (we could turn on the grass sprinklers and put it out that way). Most of all I would like them to remember to leave quickly and say "yes" when I call their names.

Kath said...

- Who names the things in biology "blebs" "Cockers" and "Molecular cleavage" prompted that discussion.
- Is it a fact that everyone actually really loves Total Eclipse of the Heart
- A text I received from my sister informing me "One of your bloody countrymen just rear-ended my ambulance!" (She's a SIAMU)
- How I am not responsible for the acts of my "Bloody countrymen"
- My chemistry teachers childish blushing on sight of the young, female Chemistry teacher
- When will we ever use the French for "Pornographic video nasty" (Vidéocassette á caractére pornographique, incase I sparked a rabid curiosity in anyone), a word on my French vocab test back in November, that my Nana still brings up on a regular basis!

Margaret said...

1. Whether the morning news anchor was going to adopt the rescue kitten from the Tennessee floods that she was holding. (Probably.)

2. Why my husband does annoying things in my dreams and how he should stop. (Huh? What?)

3. Whether our cat is or is not the cutest cat in the universe, yes she is! (Yes, she is.)

4. Where we should have dinner tonight. (Chinatown?)

5. Does the just-discovered typo on the insurance policy mean that our domicile has been uninsured for a year? (Holy crap.)

6. Does this coffee not taste as good as it used to? (Yes.)

7. Whether these sunglasses make him look like a mad scientist. (Yes, in a good way.)

This all took place between 8:35 and 9:45. Fascinating stuff.

Johnners said...

Why it's not nice to hit/pour sand on other kids/snatch, to a pre-asbo 3-year old with a made up name while helping out at pre-school today. That was as fun as it got.

WV = corse, an archaic word for corpse. How apt.

Anonymous said...

I was discussing a possibility to become a 'delegation groopy': follow delegations of European Parliament to all the nice destinations, travel business class and sleep in nice hotels.

I wish i could.

Z said...

Hmm. Discussed with teacher that I'd just made redundant how and why I had done it. She's a friend, which the one I hadn't made redundant isn't.

Thoroughly rejected by baby granddaughter.

Was phoned by Barclaycard, wanting my debit card details with no indication of giving any ID, only wanting mine. Was assertive.

Phoned Barclaycard, discovered that it was genuine and not a scam attempt. Was assertive.

Went to a meeting, discovered I'm due a whole lot of extra work in unpaid and demanding job. Didn't say anything.

Take your pick, love. I don't think there was a 'best'. Not even sure there was a 'least worse' - though at any rate I got a kiss from granddaughter once she'd been placated by other granddaughter.

Off to write cheerful blog post. After all, it doesn't do to be down, does it?