Bringing "alien ADM" (sic) back from Mars in 2016.
The correct ratio of cream:jam:scone in a cream tea (500:1:1).
Performance art, with particular reference to Marina Abramovic, men having sex with geese, anal douching on quaaludes, and cow placenta installations.
Sketch, with particular reference to: godawful website, impenetrably confusing mirrored loos, giant pencils.
A cat called Billie Piper.
Whether Tom Ford is actually made of bionic medical grade silicone.
The weepette, various, with a particular focus on stupidity and fondness for chips.
My party next weekend - likely disastrousness thereof. Need for glasses (plastic dinosaur mugs not acceptable).
The recategorisation of online sales as potentially active rather than passive under the new Vertical Restraints regime.
Rescue kitten webcam as a relaxation aid.
The desirability of an art school grading system based on intention rather than execution. Viz: "I intend to film myself pissing in a bucket on Princes Street".
What was your best conversation today?