Thursday, 22 April 2010

The Uccle Home for the Mildly Deranged

Where were we? Oh yes, I was forgetting to breathe and freebasing Cif. Well, there was more of the same for the rest of the day. I did well, broadly, both on cleaning AND keeping my shit together, bar a small spell of whimpering in the park yesterday evening and welling up at an advert for lightbulbs featuring Chloe Sevigny and Natalie Portman ("this bulb can save monkeys" waaaaaah). Oh, and pop eyed rage at superlative customer service in Delhaize (groceries for the damned), but that comes as standard in Belgian supermarkets. I thought I was doing ok, really, but when I had to take a photograph of myself for Facegoop purposes, it came out like this:

Full on Romanian orphan.

I tried again. I came up with this:

That's not good, is it? In this one, I look like I've just shuffled out of the closed ward to go and do some art therapy (no pointy brushes allowed). Possibly, I might be trying a little light arson in the smokers corner once I have scrawled black obscenities all over my sheet of paper. I am almost certainly squirrelling my meds away in a secret pocket 'for emergencies'.

At this point I removed the gin from the house and put myself on a diet of Ealing comedies, light household chores and toasted goods.

So. I am holed up at home, tending my mental health as if it were a fractious child, with small snacks and scheduled activities and enough sleep and nice music and trying not to piss it off with sweaty palmed thoughts of the future and so on. I am being very grown up between outbreaks of lunacy. It's fine. I can't really tell you what this is all about yet. It'll be fine though. Eventually.

I went out to lunch today with my lovely friend Clutching the Teacup only to be sworn at by ferociously hairy Italian waiters and seated under this:

We pondered stealing it, but the duck behind the owl was attached to the same stand making it hard to steal discreetly, and indescribably creepy.

Then I went, somewhat the worse for lunchtime red wine, and tried on five or six near- identical anonymous dresses in Cos, soothing myself with their pleasing sacklike aspect. I thought I looked very good, but now with hindsight, I think that might have been the wine.

And now I am going to walk the weepette, who has been a faithful, if massively annoying companion all day. I really hope to be able to write something a little less "what I did in my holidays" soon.


Unknown said...

I bought a dress in Cos, thought was discreetly interesting. Turned out to be like things worn by cleaning ladies of my youth, not flattering. Really fancied their leather tunic dresses though. Might have looked like middle aged dominatrix on holiday tho.

Anonymous said...

The hardcore freebase on the old powder Vim. You're stilll a wee young untainted thing.


Lola said...

You buy clothing in a place named after a lettuce? Really?

JPM said...

look I hear you that you are not happy with those pics, and I usually don't just come out and say this to anyone, but I notice philtrums, and you have one of the best ones..

Lisa-Marie said...

You seem to be doing well on the maintaining your mental health. When do you get the children again? having to tend to them will mean less time for the ills.

I think you should buy yourself a dress from a nice shop! Mon the dresses!

Lisa-Marie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kath said...

I heard on the news the Belgian government collapsed... and it has given me the image of a giant house of cards in the centre of Bruxelles, just falling down.

And go for a nice dress from a nice shop! You deserve it for braving Delhaize, which my sister assures me is like all the bad aspects of Tesco, Asda and Iceland mixed with a side of old, slow Belgian women, which sounds to me like unimaginable hell

Alison Cross said...

Y'know camera lenses can be awful buggers sometimes. I suspect that the wide-angle lens does a sort of fish-eye effect if one gets too close to it.

A most pleasing bosom enhancement can be achieved using same technique *cough, cough - not that I'd do that sort of thing.....*

I coughed chocolate cake crumbs all down myself at the Romanian orphan line. You really are a very entertaining writer and my life is much enhanced by your blog.

It must be really difficult, but believe me, what you are going through is a stage of the relationship-grieving process that many people don't experience for YEARS - until they are widowed/widowered (?!) - the being entirely alone (other than a weepette and a couple of hundred followers).

You can't force this period to be over, but it will pass. And you will be so much healthier for it.

Not sure whether it will affect the Romanian orphan look, but using a camera with a proper lens will deffo help. Promise!

Courage, mon brave.

Ali xxxx

Johnners said...

Can think of nothing witty or cheering to say, expect to send hope that it all passes soon...

Sarah said...

Bah to the blah - hope it all resolves soon, and stays manageable in the meantime. Just barely is still better than not at all.

redfox said...

But your skin is looking lovely and I am pleased to notice, because I am very self-centered, that your eyes appear to be just the same colo(u)r(s) as mine. Perhaps this means that I can safely follow your lead in what shades of makeup to buy!

AnonyGay said...

I second Redfox. I am insanely jealous of your complexion.

I have nothing to say about Delhaize except one day I will actually break and punch one of the cashiers in the head. With endive. And the Belgians, being Belgian, will nod and smile and look away.

Also, if a small group of us swarmed the restaurant we could distract the help while taking out such a taxidermied wonder. I want the duck, plz. We can saw it apart with broken gin bottles in the pasta aisle at Delhaize. HousewarmingPartyGame?

the polish chick said...

i find yoga breathing helps a lot. and sometimes you just need the toasted goods and the space to feel like shit. i hope it passes soon. i hope you feel our collective goodwill salving some of your wounds. take care, dear waffle!

p.s. would kill for your complexion. my pores are so large my brain is visible.

Em said...

Well, for an orphan you have fab skin. So don't be sad.

frau antje said...

Have my meds squirrelled, some of them were inherited (and I thought I would get nothing). Now, even though your discipline kind of makes me depressed, I'm going to carry on with the wood rot I started 'fixing' yesterday (something you definitely do not want to pick at). Have no idea what I'm doing, but confident it will be crap and thoroughly half-assed.

Anonymous said...

If it's any consolation, your descent into temporary derangement is giving good blog! I'm sorry things are woeful, hope that spring lamb-y feelings rush towards you soon. You should be cheered by hearing that my word verification for this post is 'schlism'. I have no idea what that means, or if it's even a word, but it's so good to say that I'm going to use it often.

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