Sunday, 25 April 2010

Blah, blah, weekend, blah

The tragedy of being governed by a succession of potatoes has got to me this weekend and I retired to my bed for most of it. It was very peaceful, and I have quite enjoyed it, between episodes of soul-freezing panic, making myself nice meals occasionally composed of things other than crème caramel, lighting candles, reading Rachel Cusk and watching undemanding DVDs. The sun shone and a gentle breeze blew the curtains as I listened to the seemingly interminable bell practice at the church on the corner, a viciously loud seagull barking and the devout and terrifyingly, erm, musically enthusiastic, Von Trapp family next door bawling at one another and nursed my martini remorse.

Tragically, Mrs (should that be Baroness?) Von Trapp announced to me on Friday that they are moving out soon. Not, however, before I have subjected them to my housewarming party (based on your kind encouragement I have decided to go ahead with this) full of deviants, single mothers, and other infidels and enemies of the Lord. If you lurk around here, live in the Kingdom of Belgiana, and want to come to my party, drop me an email and I will subject you to a barrage of intense psychometric tests for my own amusement and demand lavish gifts, before possibly inviting you (to sit in an entirely empty Salmon Palace with me and a bowl of stale paprika flavoured crisps, probably).


There is very little to say about a weekend in bed, so be grateful I don't do it often. Instead, let me tell you what I bought this week. I am not buying anything else for a very long time, possibly forever, and shouldn't have bought any of this either. Ssssssh.


1. Cos dress. Heavy sort of stone coloured silk, nice draped sleeves. Anonymous, but useful. Cos is brilliant at the moment (though their website is totally impenetrable, and I couldn't for the life of me find a picture of my dress to show you). I could have gone a bit Mariah in there and bought pretty much everything.

2. Serge Lutens, L'Eau. This is the soapy perfume I have been obsessing about for months. I shouldn't have bought it, but there it is. I still love it. It's a big bottle and I will be able to smell clean and delicious for aaages. Yes, the dark forces of Mr Lutens have probably brainwashed me, sucked out my spinal fluid and replaced it with jelly, and that is why I have bought it. I am powerless to resist.

3. A new Tin Tin Tin full of biscuits. This one is much larger and has a camel on. I don't love it as much, but it's useful. Also, more biscuits. More biscuits makes me happy, makes the boys happy, makes the dog happy. Biscuits increase the sum of human (and canine) happiness. The end.

4. Spring food. Tomatoes, fresh goat cheese, asparagus, strawberries. Yesterday afternoon I finally shuffled out around 5, pale and paranoid, into the busy shopping street at the end of mine. It was like being bizarrely transported to Provence, but with more waffles. Warm, temporarily pedestrianised, full of amazingly tempting food. Although I am now further away from Brussels' premier ice cream parlour named after male genitalia, there are many summery compensations in my new quartier including an embarassment of places to sit and drink small cups of coffee in the sun, with a whiny neurotic dog trying to jump into your lap and stick its nose into your complimentary speculoos. What with this and the large, bewilderingly overgrown garden, the Salmon Palace is shaping up to be a very lovely spot to spend the summer. Which is a good thing as I most certainly can't afford to go anywhere more exotic (see 1-4 above).

5. A €5 geranium from a Girl Scout. I should know by now that if the door rings on a Sunday it will be the nauseatingly cheerful girl scouts hitting me up for some outrageously over-priced item or donation. Last time they were collecting food for the poor and confused me into giving them a giant bar of Côte d'Or special crack-chocolate (aux Amandes Caramelisées avec une pointe de sel). This time I paid approximately €1 per leaf on the puniest geranium known to science. It's guilt - they rouse me from my Sunday sloth, bedsocks inside out, no bra, food stained tshirt and then I feel I have to contribute. Damn them. Next time the bell rings on a Sunday morning. I'll just hide until they go away.

Tell me about your weekend, or something you bought. Distract me from the start of another week of endless doom.

39 comments:

Mrs Jones said...

I bought a Mulberry Bayswater and I have not stopped telling people as I am stupidly excited about it. The end.

Anonymous said...

I have that very tin. I think there is a big Tintin tin promotion going on in all French supermarkets at the moment.

My cherry tree is in flower, makes me happy..
Jane
xx

Em said...

Dress sounds gorgeous - do we get to see a picture?

I bought a ridiculous amount of extra birthday gifts for my daughter for no reason other than lashings of guilt and worry. I prefer the high-end trashy look than what I fear may be coming so included items of clothing that cover... Think mid-fifties housewife which I think is perfect for a 14 year old.

I also bought an enormous amount of food that I will probably bin by mid-week. But sadly, no biscuits.

Anonymous said...

i bought eyebright from benefit and it is amazing. i saw it on lisa eldridge's 'makeup for hangovers' video and it is truly wonderful.

also have bought loads of booze. increasing my necessity for eyebright. oh well.

soleils said...

I had no choice but to buy "Mr" "Nars"'s pencil sharpener, as I am now hooked on his fat lip pencils and on one of his eye ones (Damn you, Face Goop! But they are so totally perfect... So thank you Face Goop!), and none of the many pencil sharpeners in the house (my boys like to draw a lot) did the trick. 5 quid for a piece of plastic with two holes in it... What is the world coming to, I ask you. But it works wonderfully.
Lusting after a wonderful dress and some delicious shoes, but need to curb my enthusiasm. Did get some heavenly raspberry-filled brioches, though. And now I won't fit in the dress, so can (try to) forget it.
Some of my Sunday was spent trying to find a way around the London Marathon route to run some errands in Greenwich and Canary Wharf. Frustrating but strangely exhilarating. I can't explain. The sun was shining.

Bryony said...

I bought a dress and some elemis ginger scrub for my scaly leg. My other leg is probably scaly too but I can't tell as it is encased in plaster for 8 weeks. sigh....love the sound of the tin tin tin...

Bryony said...

I too am hooked on Mr Nars pencils!! am planning how to hop up escalator at Liverpool St to reach Space NK...

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
M. said...

I bought:
- a dress that is probably inappropriate for work but I'm going to wear it anyway
- a coat that makes me look half way between a drummer boy and an sixth former in uniform
- a stupid twee pink cardigan I'm going to return
- mermaid-hued cosmetics
- a pair of shoes I will never receive (BASTARDS)
- 10 jam jars for 50 pence each. Poundland. I love you.
- a nifty cylinder of green twine
- fishing wire

Don't ever make me write a list of my purchases again.

NON-WORKINGMONKEY said...

Went to supermarket when drunk. Read papers online and spilt coffee down front. Made bread that no-one else in their right mind would bother to make. Remarked on the coming of spring. Went to time-travel resto up the road. Did hoovering with odd nozzle. Had weird leg diagnosed via Skype with no camera from London. Wished for complimentary spekuloos.

Alison Cross said...

You know that eating asparagus makes your wee smell of hay? FACT! Brilliant way to get children to eat it ;-)

Dress sounds v interesting. Demand a photie.

This week I WAS going to buy some concealer (thank you Face Goop) but I appear to have broken the big telly, which is going to be expensive one way or the other.

My OH coming home tomorrow and am hoping that delight in seeing his son will somewhat mitigate busted goggle-box.

Concealer - or at least brush - at the weekend. Promise ;-)

Brilliant news on the party. Am not in Belgium, but will be with you in spirit (namely gin).

Ali x

Johnners said...

Super-restorative tinted moisturiser from Clarins - am awaiting the super-restorative bit, but had to DEMAND a sample of their eye goop, otherwise just nasty Sainsbury's bread. And kindling - virtually indistinguishable. Tch. Where is the nearest Mr Nars anyway? And has this turned into facegoop comments by accident? Sorry. And I would v much like some TinTinTins, but where can one get such riches in the biscuit desert that is East Herts?

om said...

I saw a show. Ate dinner. Ate chocolate. Sat on a train home and was entertained by a mob of drunken servicepeople. The end. (although the Singapore noodles may never fall out of public mention)

Jeannie said...

This will make you feel so much better, because I have been in a funk all weekend and am sitting in my PJs on Sunday and it is 4:30 p.m., still not showered. I have one PJ bottom that does not match the top because I was too tired to care last night. That being said, I decided to cheer up this morning, in spite of my appearance, and bought a Kindle online. And then I purchased video space for my blog, because I found a certain YouTube video that was so incredible I had to post it. I'm a real retail-therapy slob today but I think tomorrow will be better. I was supposed to run to the grocery store but don't think that's going to happen. I will jump in the shower, however.

This week I started working out and I did four days in a row. I think the fifth day my body just rejected me as a human being. It'll come around. It usually does. :-)

WrathofDawn said...

Oddly, this was the first weekend in the last three that I did not spend almost entirely in bed, in the same PJs all weekend long.

Clearly, you have appropriated my sloth.

Don't forget to feed him.

the polish chick said...

spent all of saturday on a boat freezing my ass off in order to gather some fresh prawns straight from the ocean floor (bait: cat food plus fish oil. mm mm good!). next time i'm going to the store, thank you very much. they were delicious, there were many of them, and there was a certain neanderthal satisfaction in eating food that i had decapitated with my own bare hands, but i am sick to death of being cold and the ocean is fucking cold. even when one is merely *on* it instead of *in* it.

today we looked at land but haven't bought any yet, so i can't say that my purchases beat yours hands down, but perhaps i will some day soon.

bought: two loaves of tiny pre-sliced rye bread.

Margaret said...

Yesterday went to Target, bought motor oil and a lot of household crap plus some eyeshadow. I do love me some Target. Bought lunch at two restaurants because the first meal was both terrible and insufficient. Discussed buying enormous tv. Walked around lovely, lovely Brooklyn on a beautiful, beautiful spring day. Today? Pissing rain, massive daylong funk/anxiety attack. I managed a shower and street clothes but still stayed on the sofa for six hours watching Nascar race (very exciting, actually--huge 12-car pileup during the second green-white-checker finish). We only left the house to go buy booze.

Jane said...

Saturday - "learnt" to "sail" i.e. fell in a lot. Had fish and chips for dinner to compensate. (In pub so with wine = result).

Sunday - woke at 4am worrying about own business, possibility of failure, total lack of savngs, no pension, ending up as bag lady etc. Spent the day zombielike with tiredness. Watched Wallender on my computer, fell asleep half way through.

Someone mentioned sparky eye stuff - does it work, cos I need it.

auntiegwen said...

Was going to say I have eyebright from benefit and it doesn't help me but then realised a have a pot of lemonaid from benefit and it it at least 6 years old and I am now 43 and possible beyond cosmetic help.

I did buy pale grey amd silver sequinned fitflops and took the 20 minues of shame from my daughter but I don't care, I am going to wear them every day on holiday in an already doomed attempt to eat my body weight in almond magnums and gin and come home thinner than I went and she will just have to suck it up. I have the top trump, I am the Mother one and I pay for her everything.

ganching said...

Accidentally went to a rugby match and was forced to watch horrific jingoistic display and someone from the x factor. Went shopping in Oxford Street on Saturday with young person and did compare and contrast between shop assistant in American Apparel (all young, size 6 with perfect haircuts) and Urban Outfitters (all young, all different sizes and seriously cool). Gardened.

steph said...

Actually nearly finished a project that has been haunting me for almost 10 years. I re-sanded and painted the garden table. This is truly a momentous occasion.

frau antje said...

If you are having this party to, in any way, inflict just desserts on loud neighbors, I am sorely tempted to cater it for you. Not quite, but SO tempting, and please put the psychometric tests online for our amusement too.

Weekend? Can't imagine you care to hear that wood rot repair came out 'could be worse' on a scale of one to ten, and the discovery that the not-quite-matching paint color is much more dignified was worth the whole multi-step, two component job (seriously, I have found the appropriate trim color for the low countries).

Purchases at Wibra (no one will even go in this store with me): those spackling knifey thingies (six for 2€), oven mitts, and a pad of watercolor paper postcards for 50 cents.

No packages are delivered on Sunday, so what in the hell were you answering the door for?

Betty M said...

Saturday was perfect - lunch with friends accompanied by champagne (very expensive but half price), sun,playing in the park, all 3 kids well behaved and pleasant - unheard of. Sunday - drizzle, fruitless hours searching for keys to storage unit which costs us too much money to store over 20 years worth of Vogues and Car, child 2 posting touching handwritten letter celebrating birth of child 3 into local postbox all rounded off by huge rows and reheated takeaway pizza for supper. Vile.

MargotLeadbetter said...

I bought some Oven Pride oven cleaner. I heartily recommend it. I keep going into the kitchen just for a little peep into my gleaming, sparkling oven. It would have stopped Sylvia Plath in her tracks. (Oh God, somebody get me a cocktail stat).

Product Pixie said...

I bought a train ticket to my parent's house and spent the weekend being looked after and doing some looking after. 'twas brillig. But no speculoos, which was sad.

www.productpixie.blospot.com

Alienne said...

I was forced to spend two hours (TWO HOURS) in Hobbycraft with stressed out 16 year old agonising over vital stuff for her Art GCSE exam (today and tomorrow - nothing like preparing ahead, eh?); was finally released at a cost of nearly £50 (repeat in capitals) on a promise to take her back tonight if she needs more stuff. (Please Nathan, noooo, I don't think I could bear it). Then spent 5 whole minutes copying contents of my ipod back on to i-tunes [following PC disaster and with benefit of magic programmed bought off interweb] and then another 2 hours copying hers. What is it about teenagers that is so time consuming?

I'd rather have Mrs Jones's handbag.

Charlie's Tribe said...

My weekend was beautiful endless lethargy interrupted only by siren song of the ice cream man’s van. He wouldn’t wait, the bastard. Maybe it was my medusa hair and unbrushed teeth that scared him off. Doesn’t matter anyway... that would only make him a cowardly bastard.

Mrs Jones, what is a “Mulberry Bayswater”?

magpie said...

I had my feet nibbled by fish, spoke to a man who writes pop music for catharsis while dressed as a pirate and got eyed up by Orland Bloom at the ballet. It was a very unsually eventful weekend, but ended in the usual way - panic reading the weekend newspapers ahead of our monday newsmeeting at work and watching Krull. Most unusually, I didn't buy anything. Well, a bit - I got some breakfast and things from the farmer's market and a couple of packs of cigarettes. But that doesn't count, because I don't still ahve any of those things.

Lisa-Marie said...

I spent Saturday learning to do facepainting. Then I went to husbands gig, eventually getting to bed at 2am. Sunday I went to a barbeque at husband's mum's house, and dinner at my sister-in-law's. Really I would have liked to stay in bed all day.

We managed to spend 3/4 of the money we have for this month.

Alisa said...

my weekend was roughly the same as yours, minus the shopping and the getting out, adding uncontrollable shaking. You are writing my pain, just so you know. And if i can bear the thought of ever entering Brussels ever again, would love to help warm your new home, and distress les voisins.

Mrs Jones said...

Charlie's Tribe - A 'Bayswater' is a kind of handbag made by Mulberry. It is classic and beautiful and very, very desirable. And, yes, of course this is me with mine - http://www.fashiontrends.cn/images/74651f14119124877324978.jpeg

Unexpected said...

I really shouldn't be, but I am still a little amazed at the goings-on inside Gare Du Midi: http://wp.me/ppqxP-ut

Really, I've lived here long enough to know better. Still, Belgiana continues to amaze and entertain I suppose. It will have a night off from all this when your party is in full swing from the sounds of it.

PS: Why does that church keep ringing at all odd hours?

Happy Frog and I said...

This weekend I drowned in geek chic and went on a Dr Who private tour from Reading to Cardiff and back again. It was utterly brilliant!

Margaret said...

Mrs Jones: OMG, you win for weekend purchases. I went to your blog and ogled the photos. It is bee-yoo-tiful. Have you named it? You should name it.

Mrs Jones said...

Margaret - oooh, brilliant idea for a post tomorrow!!!!

puncturedbicycle said...

Last week, I bought (or, technically, had bought for me by my dining companion, the lovely man) many, many crab sandwiches and crab salads. Then I woke up with my hugely swollen face itching like buggery and remembered that the same thing happened after my last shellfish binge, upon which I gave up shellfish for fear of anaphylactic shock.

The man keeps threatening to bring me to Brussels (his old stomping grounds) but after two weeks of inactivity, crab and swelling, I may be too fat to fit out my door. I self-prescribe a diet of soup and antihistamines.

Anonymous said...

I am such an idiot - I thought speculoos was one of your 'special' words for something amusing but entirely unknown to me, which has given various posts an interestingly ambiguous meaning over the past years. Yesterday I found out it was a mere biscuit. How disappointing.

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