Monday, 8 March 2010

Stuff

This is a 'look what came in the post' post. (See what I did there? Yeah, nothing, shut up).

First, these.


Yes, there are two yellow aliens in my green bag. Do not be afraid. Also, to pre-empt any comment on my bag (which receives more adulation than anything else I own or carry, from the most eclectic sources, often male) c'est du Marks et Spencer. Yes indeed, je suis une fille de grand luxe. And very nice it is too, if a little unwieldy and good for bashing people on public transport. This is not a downside, necessarily.

I digress. LOOK at how awesome these are!


Lashes's alien:



Fingers's alien (Fingers was, I think paralysed by indecision when drawing his picture, so ended up with a fairly close copy of his brother's. I find this rather touching, but I imagine it's the kind of thing that rapidly leads to fratricide):



They are made by Lucy Moose who will stuff ANY drawing you make. Well, within reason. Layla's request for "a lifesized Hugh Jackman with working 'parts'" might be tricky. Best of all, I think, you can send her pieces of material that she will incorporate in the finished article. Like, your blanky, favourite jumper devoured by mothbastards, vieux doudou, or lapin puant (one of Lashes's classmates brought the legendary "stinking rabbit" on their class trip to the seaside. I fell in love with the description). Imagine!

Every single day since we sent the drawings away, one or other child has asked when the finished article will arrive. It has been a whole saga. They are very delighted. I am tickled, because I find the whole concept hugely pleasing. I want one of my own now. I waste long hours thinking what I would have, and what little bits of soft material I would want included. I should really get out more, but this is emphatically not news.


Second piece of post:

From the aforementioned Layla, our correspondent in the Aegean.

What could possibly come in a Turkish hairdryer box?


(Sorry about the horrific glare, too. I was too lazy and filled with dullness to take it again. But it's giving me a headache to look at it, so a bad call on my part. )



This!

My first two thoughts on opening this:

1. You said you would look after the Holy Tortoise when he came on pilgrimage!

2. I can never let the CFO in the house when this is out. He would not be at all amused.

It's a shamanic charm. It will ward off the evil eye, and is a very wonderful housewarming present, thank you Layla, I am only joking about the HT. He was much bigger than that.

I would like it to pay particular attention to the following:

Mobistar bills
The Catholics next door and their musical instrument torture collection
STIB ticket inspectors and whoever is responsible for the maintenance of the ticket machine at my tram stop, which has been mofoing broken for FOUR MONTHS.
HSBC
ING
Michel Sardou who has infected me with a horrible earworm for International Women's Day.
Other things I am thinking very very hard in my head but can't write down.

What would you need a shamanic charm for?

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

I need the shamanic charm to get me through a job interview on Friday. I have my mother praying and lighting candles already.

Not like I'm desperate or anything.....

Lisa-Marie said...

I want an alien.

Can my shamanic charm be multi-tasking? I need it to deflect

-Hangovers
-Spiders(the husband is scared of them, I am sick of having to deal with them)
-Dodgy drug addict neighbours
- the sex noises we can hear from every flat round us(one of which often seems to include the dog, or at least have it in the same room), even though we live in a tenement
- little high school shits who leave their rubbish in my close
-migraines

I would like all, but a selection would do!

Knackered Mother said...

1. High achievers who make me feel like I should be doing more
2. The call of ebay
3. ITV2 (apart from Gossip Girl)

M. said...

Ha! I will take all of Lisa-Marie's.

the polish chick said...

yes please to a shamanic charm that would work on:

sugar cravings
inexplicable chronic bitchiness
heartburn
the goddamn howling wind
belly flab
insomnia
idiots
people who are unable to distinguish between your and you're as well s it's and its (see above)

kcm said...

For what might I need a shamanic charm (apart that is from charming shamans!)?

Well, let's see:
- doctors and dentists
- probably preceded by politicians (at least the a***hole ones in the UK)
- insurance companies
- all of my various (but not at all interesting) maladies from diabetes to depression
- winter

"I've got a little list; they'd none of them be missed."

Oh and then I think I'll have the lottery shaman charmed for the right numbers please. :-)

WV orroody -- he's a footballer innit?

Happy Frog and I said...

Definitely need the shamanic charm for a certain IT department who (without any warning or due process) have stopped several thousand workers from looking at Facebook and/or blogs even in lunch hours! Even anything online eminating from Middlesex is banned due to the last 3 letters. For shame.

Also, loving the two aliens, very cool indeed.

Em said...

Adore the aliens. They look just like my very first boyfriend - especially around the mouth.

Anonymous said...

That bag is the bomb! I thought it was Lanvin

frau antje said...

If that's an arrowhead with the worry beads, you are set. All in all, too secular for my blood. Pilgrimages are often a lot harder than people think.

Lashes may already be like a museum that depresses you with the feeling that attempts are useless, given what you see before you. Then again, I would rather risk it with his alien as the other has much more threatening teeth, plus he looks drugged to boot (something is definitely going on there). Separate them next time, children do not get enough confusing instructions.

wv criti
sounds like something Beckett would say (assuming he would say anything), and then be strangled halfway through the word.

Nimble said...

The charm needs to help me move house this month. When I'm at work all I can think of is all the packing and sorting that I can't do. Then when I go home all I can do is the normal parenting stuff, not an iota of energy for anything else. I predict a very stressful last week of March.

Z said...

I'd love to have a guarantee that my liver remains healthy so that I can continue to drink with impunity and become cheerily pickled into old age.

magpie said...

I need a charm that will deflect all the thigns that bastard 2010 is throwing at me and also bring macbooks back to life after spilling tinned peaches and water on them. I suspect that might be asking too much, so would settle for Elemis or Stella McCartney underwear instead. At least if everything is miserable I can feel nice under my clothes.

Layla said...

Yay!! I'm so glad it actually got there - had lurking suspicion it might be opened by Customs & put into quarantine, or something.

You will now understand what I meant by the charm being Waffle-themed. I have been collecting these charms for a while, but it was only recently that I saw one incorporating a tortoise shell for the first time, hanging on the wall at the house of my antique dealer ( &, I strongly suspect, practising shaman) friend Ziya.

I hyperventilated at the sight, and begged Ziya to let me have it, tellng him that I had a friend in belgium for whom tortoises were of immenses religious significance, and for whom a tortoise relic charm would be the perfect gift.

He demurred, on the grounds that they were difficult to find and he wanted to keep it. After I begged and pleaded incessantly he finally agreed to let me have the next one he found...

Charms with ex-tortoises in are particularly powerful, and should be used with care. When you and Kathy come to Ayvalik for the DS Conference, I will ask Ziya to give us a seminar on Turkish Shamanism, on which he is something of an expert. Whether or not he turnsinto an eagle at night, and goes flying around in the Taurus Mountains, I have yet to ascertain, but it wouldn't surprise me at all.

BTW the crossed wooden thing is some kind of Anatolian weaving implement, and not part of the charm. I have been collecting those , too, because I like the shapes and the carved patterns, but I have no idea of their precise purpose.

Anonymous said...

I need the charm for fortis, the lottery, a payrise (come on, I've been in the job for a month now and performed brilliantly!), husbands snoring and finding my passport.
The aliens are fantastic. It's a great idea and one I'm about to use for my niece.

Fran

Jaywalker said...

Layla, That is even more wonderful with full shamanic charm acquisiton story. TORTOISE CHARM. Can I rbing you something back from, ahem, Charleroi this weekend?

xxxxx

Lynn T. said...

The crossed thing, which Layla accurately noted has a connection to weaving, is a whorl for a handspindle -- apparently a big one for heavy yarn or for plying spun yarns into a multi-strand yarn. The stick or spindle part goes through the hole in the middle. The whorl (the carved crossed wooden elements) provides a weight that helps the spindle spin quickly to insert twist in yarn. So, should commercial yarn become unavailable throughout the EU due to some glitch in economic planning, the Waffle household is better prepared than most. Unfortunately I doubt that the Weepette's hair would turn into much yarn.

Lucy Fishwife said...

Are you sure it's a shamanic charm and not a giant tribal-chic necklace? Or you could wear it as a jaunty hat!!!
Sorry, too much coffee.
PS WV thingy = cultrabi. Enough said really.

Unexpected said...

I need such a charm to protect against odd people but I fear that in Belgium, it might overload and make a shamanic-charm-shaped hole in my pocket.

Still, after last Mon, I could use it Norway, I suppose: http://wp.me/ppqxP-qD

bevchen said...

Those aliens are amazing. I now NEED one. Desperately.