Saturday, 27 February 2010

To do list

Hydrate. Hydrate some more. Take Nurofen and Berocca and horse tranquilisers. Paint ghastly vodka sweaty visage with Sisley Eclat Tenseur and Guerlain Midnight Secret and children's budget poster paints if necessary.

Stop gnawing on giant economy sized Cadbury Caramel bars "for my electrolyte balance".

Attempt to build overly complex clothes rail for spare bedroom out of meccano. Decipher/burn cryptic Ikea instructions. Possibly abandon all hope and replace clothes rail with small bunch of daffodils.

Attempt to build small bedside table without breaking self. Or table. Do not become alarmed or befuddled by the sinister magic of the ratchet screwdriver. In fact do not TOUCH ratchet screwdriver.

Retrieve dog. Attempt not to gag on entering stinking dog borstal. Be nice, but NB. not TOO nice to Walter the dog gaoler. Stroke weepette whilst secretly thinking dark thoughts about how easy life is without a dog. Sigh.

Make 2 very sober birthday cakes for Fingers.

Drive to Charleroi. Locate Charleroi without vomiting with panic or ending up in Louvain. Or Courtrai. Or Kuwait.

Remember to put DIESEL in the car. DIESEL. D.I.E.S.E.L. Locate petrol reservoir before reaching garage. Maybe practise opening.

Remember that despite appearances to the contrary this is a five door car. Do not embarrass self by climbing through from front seat again.

Collect BRAIN TWIN. Try and recall how to speak to Brain Twin without a keyboard.

Spent weekend alternating riotous idiocy and hibernation. Cackle. Eat. Drink. Watch Mexican Wrestling. Eat superlative chips on Rabbit Island. Consider plans for world domination. Reject in favour of salted caramel products.

Better get started.

8 comments:

Caroline, No. said...

Good luck with all of that.

WrathofDawn said...

When come back, bring pie.

Jessica said...

Sounds like fun, er, well, sort of, in the end.
Have a good weekend!

Happy Frog and I said...

Caramel products beat world domination everytime. x

Em said...

You drive?! That fills me with...
Wow, with five doors and everything.

Have a lovely and SAFE weekend.

frau antje said...

Meccano sounds intriguing, is your ratchet screwdriver very, very small? Have been thinking everything upstairs can be stored in half the space, so perhaps miniatures are the way to go.

Do dominate the world, in many parts of it the position is wide open. I thought I could be of assistance, but empty slogans (Less Golden Age, More Golden Rule) just don't cut it. We all need some peace and normale koek...and for god's sake some closets, please? Drivers and someone to handle the animals come with the job, don't know about Special K (but something tells me hallucinations are not what you need right now).

Beatrice said...

Can we do dog sharing?
I wouldn't mind having weepette for couple of days/weeks...
Next time bring it to me, not Walter!

Jaywalker said...

Beatrice! ABSOLUTELY. Email me. I'm sure he would love to be with you, and not in smelly dog borstal.