The exceptionally considerate people at my insurance company are very anxious I shouldn't get bored, and have provided me with an interesting green form.
Figure 1: The green form.
The green form, which must be completed by, er, today on pain of losing all insurance coverage, relates to a minor accident in March 2007. The accident was so minor, I would describe it less as an accident, more as a minor falling over. The kind of thing that happens to me all the time. The full extent of this sorry tale, is that I fell over on the way to work and banged my arse so hard I couldn't sit down on arrival at the office. This brought with it several layers of humiliation - the discussion with the work doctor, the arse prodding, the arse xray, but worst of all was the initial few minutes when someone decided they should call the on-duty work first-aider. To look at my arse. Of course, the "accident" happened on a day when my female office mate, also a first-aider, was out. Instead I got some youth in his early twenties, who appeared diffidently in my office, looking just as mortified as I felt. I spared us both the agony of him trying to examine my broken arse by insisting, in a diva-like fashion, on the doctor being summoned.
Aaaaanyway. Some bastard insisted that since I fell on my arse on the way to work, it was officially a "workplace accident", a decision which has generated many reams of paperwork that I have strenuously ignored for the past 3 years. However, the green form just refuses to go away, so for your entertainment and my continued insurance cover, I have to fill it in.
Note, in Figure 1 above, that the green form helpfully suggests at section III, question 8, you might wish to append a diagram of the accident to your description. Quite right, Mutualité Neutre! I DO want to. Actually, I have three diagrams, then one more of my "lésions". Watch out.
First, an overview of the scene of The Incident, setting out some of the dangerous combination of factors leading to the accident.
The green thing is a rabbit shaped fridge magnet. Oh, it's very high tech round here.
Further detail in Figures 3-5 for those too lazy to click on the picture and enlarge the details:
And finally, in Figure 9 details of "Les Lésions":
Are we all clear on all of that? Watertight, non? Or do you need me to do a photo-reenactment using Pokemon action figures?