Monday, 11 January 2010


I am entirely devoid of interest tonight. I spent the day sitting shivering, whippet like, at my desk in my coat with a cat's arse face, on the very edge of being sick (Belgoknee drugs. So good, so unkind to one's stomach lining). Very fetching, very good company. I shouldn't bother blogging, since I have nothing whatsoever to say. However! If only that stopped me. I tried to work out what on earth I had been doing today. This was all I came up with. Sorry. I seem to believe I have to commit something to the page, however unedifying.

Topics of conversation* in the throbbing centre of Belgium today:

Belgian serial killers
- Their existence and arrest
- Are there in fact enough people in Belgium to merit a serial killer? Can you really be a serial killer in Belgium when there are so few people to kill? Tangentially, how come Belgians are good at tennis?

Siamese slankets
Unlikely to lead to a fulfilling lovelife. And not just because of the high likelihood of static electric shocks.

The speaking voice of a walnut.
Somerset? Or more Dorset? Interestingly (I use this word extremely loosely), this conversation started in September.

Mechanical and electrical graphite, versus Monochloroacetic Acid.
This, my friends, is the day job. Czech colleague and I were very politely NOT squabbling about which of these would be more fun. We are so reasonable.**

CEO (not to be confused with the CFO) sex
Whether my friend's employer would be terrible in bed. Conclusion: yes. Due to his air of vague, not entirely comprehensible menace and poor communication skills.

Bizarre, inexplicable Twitter friendships
I can't be more specific.

Is a Nespresso machine very wrong?
Particularly if you haven't seen your phone bill from Christmas yet? How can you present it to yourself so it sounds less wrong, and more like a dull but essential household necessity?

Liza Minelli's knee
If she has a new one, why can't I?

Christine Lagarde/Patty Hewes

Whether the French Finance minister was the model for Glenn Close's character in Damages.

Christine Lagarde:

(and incidentally, isn't that a terrifying picture? Like one of those iconic, folk art portraits of Stalin. She's glowing with Sarkozist virtue)

Patty Hewes:

(Health Warning: The law is not like Damages. You will spend several years in windowless rooms with dusty boxes of documents fighting other interns for the biscuits. Noone will send you to Bloomingdales with a blank cheque to buy clothes. Thank you. )

The mysterious bodysnatching properties of my mattress

Whoops there goes any semblance of a life I might have been starting to muster, eaten by a rectangle of foam.

Northern girls

My assistant is from Nottingham, I am from York. She sent me this, and we marvelled, reverently, respectfully, over it.

What have you been talking about today? Anything more exciting than me?

*Obviously I use this term loosely as most of the people I converse with live in the computer.

** They are as bad as each other. No need to fight.


katyboo1 said...

hahahahah! I like the one from Newcastle dressed as Alice in Wonderland trapped in a trawler net best. Bonkers.

Alcohol is a marvellous thing.

I have talked about; Aliens with slugs coming out of their tummies, the fact that I still might be loveable even if I smell of pickled onions and whether Diego is as good as Dora, or, as I suspect, a big girl's blouse.

westendmum said...

We talked about the fact that it's been so long we'll probably get rashes and spots.

Thanks for the meme or reeeee.
WEM xx

Bryony said...

I talked to a real-live celebrity about redundant churches....honest.

Sarah said...

Those girls reminded me of being in Anchorage in February one year (and yes, I sang the song; there's bugger all else to do in Anchorage in February) and seeing girls dressed like that for a Friday night out. I learned a vital life lesson from them: no amount of fake tan can cover that marbled effect your legs get when they're thawing out from -30. Classy.

Today I have talked about whether moving to San Francisco with 2 small kids (not me; not mine) is a good idea; whether hooking up with one's first love 20 years on is a good idea (not me; not mine) and how many times to stab the potato before putting it in the microwave (me & mine, alas). Might have fitted well with your serial killer chat, mind.

Iheartfashion said...

I had a very interesting conversation with my children about slug reproduction (you don't want to know, trust me).

Layla said...

Someone asked me how old I was.

I told Someone that in my culture it is impolite to ask a woman over 30 how old she is.

I told someone that it was convenient that he was going to Istanbul on Friday, & so we wouldn't be having a class, as that would give me extra time to prepare for the party I was having on Saturday.

Someone said he wasn't DEFINITELY going to Istanbul on Friday.

I said, 'Oh ,well if you don't go to Istanvul, then..........'

Someone looked expectant.

'......then I'll give you some extra homework for the weekend'


Feel the Badness!

Layla said...

Ooh, Someone just texted me to tell me that I am a cruel teacher.

Yeah, you got it....

(I have, of course, been STRICTLY observing the No Flirting Commandment today)

Madame DeFarge said...

This sounds rather more exciting than my day, although I did pass an exam, so maybe that was thrilling. Other than that it was the usual round of trying to find people in our hotdesking office. They hide you know.

The City Road said...

Discussed logos and identity with Battersea Power Station Venue Management company in the morning. And, network security.

Discussed logos and identity with LLG over lunch & tea. And, the importance of eye contact.

Discussed logos and identity with Gallery & Event Space owner into the evening. And, the films watched by Greenpeace crew aboard the Arctic Sunrise.

Going to bed now, to dream about...

Fat Controller said...

How reassuring to see that the dress code among young female partygoers in Cardiff is just as it was when I was a young(-ish) student in that fair city.

How I spent my day? I took my nice car into the dealers for some restorative bodywork and got loaned a horrible little tin box which skates about on the slushy roads here like Bambi on the frozen pond in the film.

Tigerbaps said...

Today I described myself variously as a slut and a prostitute. A slut in relation to my contact lens hygiene. Or to be more exact, lack thereof ie keeping the fuckers in for two whole weeks day and night and splashing my face with cold water in the morning to loosen them from my eyeballs. This is why I'm a slut and can hardly see to type this due to a nastypants corneal ulcer.
I described myself as a prostitute because a long time ago when I was a "financial consultant" (hahahahaha) I slept with a client to get him to sign on the dotted line for a £500 per month PEP. He was vile, therefore am prostitute. Still, I got paid commission twice for it by accident so every cloud. I got a burglar alarm installed in my house with the ill gotten gains FYI

the polish chick said...

i scraped calcified twinkies off people's teeth all day and talked about every single thing in the universe. i open my mouth when the first patient walks in and do not turn it off until the last one leaves. blah blah blah.

it is my talk therapy and they pay ME for it. ain't life grand?

Kathy said...

Today I talked about: the futility of looking for work; how my diet has eaten my brain as I forgot to eat any actual meals before dinner (though very low cal, not actually good from a diet perspective, sadly); whether my friend's new puppy could realistically eat through her back door; and the merits of various types of cheese. Nothing but giggles here in San Francisco today.

indigo16 said...

I too have marveled at how the English WILL NOT be bowed by the weather. Having travelled across Europe a lot at this time of year I know that we are a pitied nation when it comes to dressing in the right clothes for the right weather. I find my self curiously rather proud of those girls, just so long as mine are not one of them!
I have yet to speak to anyone but the dog today, I did not so much speak as plead with him to not pull when it was so bloody icy, I got the look of death so I shut up and put up.
Thank you for the link, trust me I have plenty of time to muster up some more navel gazing facts, I am officially bored which will teach me to use my server at work to store all my stuff.

pinolona said...

I haven't talked to anyone yet today - oh wait, apart from my landlord who phoned at 9.15, and I had to pretend really hard to have been awake for hours already. Maybe I should go outside.

(wv - 'pikedl' - so drunk you can't spell)

JChevais said...

I still think you could totally take her (Christine Lagarde).

Discussed Claude Fran├žois with my boss (whether I had heard of him before arriving in France. No. I'd never heard of Johnny Smet either, so there).

Also, why in the hell one of his professional friends sent my boss a Christmas postcard of himself and his family posed in a King Size Bed.

the polish chick said...

that's a highly disturbing christmas postcard, jchevais! were they fully clothed, totally naked or sporting matching reindeer sweaters? details like these do make a difference in the perceived meaning of the missive.

Persephone said...

I have been discussing traditional Chinese dancing and Falun Dafa with the Resident Fan Boy. Also short stories involving (non-Belgian) serial killers and cannibalism. Luckily this was on the bus and our fellow passengers were destroying their hearing with IPods.

Fabhat said...

Ohhh tigerbaps I have done the corneal ulcer thing - it feels (and looks) like you've poked a fork in your eye doesn't it? I couldn't wear lenses for 6 months afterwards, but am very good now - and have those super oxygen ones to make up for my badness in wearing them all day.

Today I have talked to the midwife, after waiting for 40 minutes in a cold waiting room listening to the receptionists trying to work out the secret code for ordering vitamins.

I have seen my sister in law and her nearly year old baby and talked about my (impending) labour and how to hide cake from eager eyes.

I have talked to my work cover about a huge shoot, that needs to happen before the 3rd of Feb and prepped for a work call about it tomorrow - that potentially could happen while I'm in labour.

reen said...

I have talked to my children about weather, answering inquiries about the various cloud formations in the sky at sunrise on the way to school. And feared that by the time they're in second grade I'll be unable to remember anything from school with which to answer their questions.

And moaned with a coworker over the impending return of students to the university. We love the students but dread their wildly careening, stop-sign-running cars on the streets and shopping carts at the market, loud hip hop music at the ampitheater, and the loss of parking in the garage.

Those English girls are priceless, thanks for a much-needed laugh today.

WrathofDawn said...

Is it too much to hope that the photographer woke up the girl who was freezing to death in the first photo? Yes? No?

Mostly, I just groaned about how sick I am, threatened to leave work early, then soldiered on, prompting many "I thought you were going home early." comments from co-workers.

There was the discussion of the person who called our office, insisting on pronouncing my co-worker's name (Suzan) as Sutan because, "In some languages, a 'z' is pronounced like a 't'." Not the language they happened to currently be speaking, but whatev. I am beginning to wonder if madness increases exponentially with every university degree earned...

WV - aintle - It aintle over til the fat lady sings.

Sonya said...

There's a Canadian movie from 1989 (that I haven't seen since but it has stayed with me) with Dan McKellar called Roadkill where this female band manager is driving through Northern Ontario and asks a hitchhiker if he is really a serial killer. He replies:

"Well, I've never really killed anyone before, but that's what I'm shooting for. That's my ambition. I know it's a hard profession, and it's a competive field and getting tougher every year. You have to kill about 20 people now before you're taken seriously, But let's face it, what other options do I have? There's not a lot of opportunities up here for social mobility. I mean you can either become a hockey player or take up a life of crime. And I have weak ankles, so there you go."

It was so hysterically funny when he gave this deadpan response and yet a resonating comment on your opportunities for fame/money in small town Northern Ontario.

Heather said...

is it just me or do those girls look they've left home in their nighties?

And as for that poor girl fast asleep, why is her face yellow? And did she get home OK, I'm genuinely worried.

Am still cringing at the thought of the static from the Siamese slanket.

London City Mum said...

Northern girls - priceless.

I recall seeing teenage Brits on ski packages in Northern Italy in my own youth with barely a windcheater between them in sub-zero temperatures. We marveled even then at their hardiness, sorry, foolishness and propensity for the colour blue (as in fingers, face, etc).

Now I know it was definitely not an anomaly. It was a statement.


JChevais said...

@the polish chick: as to whether they were fully clothed, it's impossible to say. They all had the bedclothes held up to their noses. Seriously a weird Christmas card...

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