Happy New Year. Have a lovely year or the stoat gets it.
At some point this morning when there were only three of us left (we scared everyone else away with cackling, I fear), eating Crème de Marrons straight out of the tube, amidst the party wreckage, the air scented with charred meringue box after a small, ineffectually extinguished blaze, and with brain twin stroking a Karl Marx cushion, we thought we should do one of those "Hot in 2010" lists.
"Stoats" said M. "The stoat is definitely the animal of the year"
"The fuck? Stoats? Ok. Stoats it is. T?"
T was starting to drift.
"T??? Stay with us. What's your food prediction for 2010?"
"I hate all that shit"
"No, it doesn't have to be serious, come on, give us a prediction".
T looked dreamily into the middle distance. "Icing sugar" she said, with great finality.
"Excellent, see that wasn't hard, was it? Now, how about film?"
"Fuck, I know nothing about cinema".
"That hardly matters, does it?"
"Hmm, OK. A new school of cinema where instead of trying to emote with their Botox frozen faces, actresses use their breasts instead to convey emotion. It will be very popular with male cinema goers".
M is roused from stroking Karl Marx's beard. "The movement needs a name! L'Ecole Mammaire".
We continued in this vein for some time. I can't remember most of it, of course. I spent most of today wearing a piece of meringue prominently on my face. You can't expect coherence or any kind of recall from someone who wore a dessert for 15 of the last 24 hours .
Material of the year: corduroy. Retro, cosy, tactile, beloved of sartorially challenged men everywhere and cutting edge, laughable French youth.
Shoe of the year: the mocassin, a natural progression from 2009's loafer. Squashed, saggy, middle class dad moccassins will be having a moment in the limelight.
Vice of the year: secret shin kicking in public places.
Craft: Taxidermy. Ideally interpretative dance stoat taxidermy. Maybe human hair art as a sort of subsidiary underground movement. Hair coasters, hair ipod covers, hair hats.
Fashion prediction: lederhosen are due a revival. Wipe clean, warm, practical. Also food stains on clothing. I am adamant about this. It's been rumbling beneath the surface in certain parts of the Belgian scene for the last couple of years, but it's due a big moment.
Please fill in your predictions in the comments box - colour, sport, book, TV, holiday destination, celebrity, cocktail (Mrs Trefusis, this one is for you) whatever you feel qualified to opine on. Not music. We're just not going there again. Ever. Or the stoat and all its stoaty babies get it.