Saturday, 26 December 2009

Slight Planning Fail

I believe some of you are so retrograde as to not waste whole swathes of your life writing 140 character messages. Those that do had a sneak preview of this, Christmas Eve night on a P&O Hull to Zeebrugge ferry.

Welcome aboard!

Before you start trying to saw at your wrists with a blunt cheese knife from the Four Seasons self service buffet, please note the following:

As well they should. However, if you, emulating the Queen, loftily carry no cash with you, you will be unable to obtain said cocktails.

Our bemused but obliging Philippino crew will get you in the party mood:

Thrill as you attempt to explain cracker jokes to numerous people for whom English is not their first, or even second, language. After me: "c'est un jeu de mots". Repeat until your eyeballs start popping out.

The children will do their utmost to work themselves into a frenzy of excitement despite unpromising material to hand:

Falling into a fitful sleep around 11 after what appears to be an eternity of guinea pig special agents, only to wake hourly loudly proclaiming it to be morning every hour between midnight at 6 am.

After a night of this, you will feel something like this:

This is entirely normal and excellent preparation for Christmas Day with your ex in the house you used to share*.

Happy Christmas!

(* which was entirely fine even though we had fishfingers for Christmas dinner, because we had a box of Pierre Marcolini Palets Fins série limitée au caramel and watched shit tv and drank, but dramatic licence requires me to make it sound deadly)

New Year Challenge: what mode of transport can I use that I haven't already in the last week? I'm up to train/boat/car/bus/tram/plane all in the past 3 days and counting. And don't say bike, because I failed my Cycling Proficiency for a reason.


pinolona said...

Is there still snow? Can you harness the weepette to a sleigh, husky style?

M. said...

Bike! Bike bike bike bike bike!

Or, Tuileries ponies. Or a donkey pulling a cart!!! OR A GOAT ON A SKATEBOARD!! YAY!!! Whatever gets you out to you know where for you know what. *Taps nose*.

Can you tell I'm going crazy here? CAN YOU??

Juli said...

My probably soon-to-be-ex-husband and I had the exact same Christmas supper.

Keith (kcm) said...

Motorbike? Scooter (as in Vespa or as in 6-year-old-child)? Segway? Roller skates/blades? Reindeer sleigh? Sedan Chair? Pony & trap?

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Hot air balloon? Llama Chaise - I can't wait! Blessings, Waffle-Majeure x

Z said...

Shank's pony (or is it Shankses pony?) is far too obvious, so I won't say it. I think you should go retro - so a trip on a steam train, in a vintage car and in a pre-WW ll bi-plane is the best way of adding interest to the next week.

I'm rather miffed that there was no Christmas Day post from you. Not at all like our own dear Queen. Not that I heard her, but it seems I've a proud tradition to keep up.

Juci said...

A dirigible.

Margaret said...

One word: funicular.

wv: boozz!! Yay boozz! Do I get a prize for best wv of the year?

WrathofDawn said...


peevish said...

Well, I was thinking horse. But after reading rickshaw, I'm gonna have to second that one.

Happy New Year!?!

Titian red said...

Visit the zoo, ride an elephant x

livesbythewoods said...

Spacehopper. Obviously.

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