Sunday, 29 November 2009

One finger epic

Ok here goes nothing, my first one finger iPhone epic. I can't imagine it will be up to much, but I'm getting twitchy.

I'm perching on the windowsill of the SP, where occasional crumbs of connectivity flutter by cruelly. The dog is dozing somewhere wholly illegal, Lashes is holed up with his mate Swearing Boy , the rudest child in Uccle (and thus my favourite friend) and Fingers and I have made an alarming pink Madeira cake (I've just tasted it speculatively. It's vile). It's stiflingly, delightfully warm in a way I am shamefully loving. Sole control of the central heating is a dangerous thing, for me. It's all ok, really. I'm alternately gleeful and filled with dread at everything. I have realised that I can't allow myself to think too much, or too far ahead or I get blurred vision and night sweats. Actually, I get those anyway, what with the environment flaying heating levels and the dead weight of weepette across my head.

If we were to inventory this week, it would go broadly as follows:

Things made/fixed/generally sujugated: 1 meccano robot (a bigger high, building that, than childbirth). 1 mop (surprisingly hard), the iPhone. Sort of. Shut up, wafflechild. Shhhh M.

Stuff that comprehensively kicked my ass:,1 Lego car. Total, near weeping defeat and stage left commentary along the lines of "Papa would have done in TWO SECONDS". Alarm clocks (2, one fixed by a 5 year old, the other totally fucked). Various others, now forgotten/stamped on.

Guilt soft toys purchased: 4

Best discovery: Panique au Village. I can't do links right now. I can barely scroll. But this is an animated series using small farmyard and cowboy/Indian figurines, and it is magnificently dark and surreal and represents all I love about Belgium. The cowboy and Indian are mysteriously looked after by a horse that talks like a Belgian Les Dawson, if you can imagine such a thing. Mainly he kicks them through Walls. I'll try and find a clip tomorrow. UPDATED: here! Brilliance

Crappest moment: losing wallet and spending several hours in the police station being treated like the moron I truly am. "You 'think' there was a Visa card. Hmmm? Madame?". Closely followed by several dark night of the soul moments regarding The Future. Then I developed my patented ostrich approach and everything was suddenly much easier? 'Dinner? But that's HOURS away. Let's not worry about it, hmm?"

Five a day targets met: 0. But at least one day there was one of those 'apple' things. Peculiar little blighters. Singularly lacking in caramel filling.

Profound birthday thoughts: None. Except: OWL OH MY GOD OWL OWL. And how extraordinarily fortunate I am to have such wonderful people both inside the computer and out looking after me at this most tricky of times. So thank you.

I'd say more but elder spawn has just bitten younger, fracturing the domestic idyll. And I can't feel my index finger. Aie!


Veronica Wald said...

I think I love the SP.

London City (mum) said...

Heroic effort (or should that be 'heroine-ic'? sounds too dubious, mental note to check).

Think you have done a sterling job.

And look on the bright side of losing wallet: it stops you from buying (albeit temporarily) more guilty soft toys to adorn the SP with.


screamish said...

what is SP? i missed a post, i think. sordid peonies? suckful purgatory? sweet pheremones????

you're very stoic about losing the wallet, well done...did you find it? this is usually what happens, if you declare things lost, they turn up...

i thought of you today, randomly. i was listening to a Chris Isaak cd and remembered that when i was by myself in my flat of doom i used to listen to him nonstop, on a tape recorder that worked at half speed. it seemed crap at the time but it's actually now a nice memory...hope you're settling in OK. Did i tell you i love the floorboards???

Anonymous said...

you sound terribly cosy all tucked up in the SP. Keep enjoying the warm salmon swirl and all will be well.

Mya said...

Don't torture yourself over the lego - it gives me brain blisters. I don't believe the age ranges they put on the boxes either...or they should at least supplement with a bit more detail, like 'suitable for six year olds with an IQ of 400, an astro-physicist Dad and a Mum who at minimum knows her left from her right.'It's good that you are keeping warm, very important - good for general morale. Have you checked the weepette hasn't eaten the wallet or hidden it down the back of the Ektorp? The Ektorp is a sofa isn't it?I'm not sure if I might be imagining it.It's not your landlord or anything, is it?
Enjoy the pink cake - but don't put it down anywhere or you might lose it. Why don't I just shut the flip up?I'm going. Really. I am.
Mya x

Anonymous said...

Can't you call Belgacom's competitors to install a connection? Wouldn't they be only too pleased to install it faster than the main provider? Or is Belgacom the competition? Or is there no competition?
Hope you get it fixed soon, so annoying...

Sinda said...

If I had a Salmon Palace, it would also be sinfully warm. Interestingly enough, though I am *always* cold, I didn't feel it all weekend when the relatives were here. I kept the windows open and the heat off, and found them layering up whilst I felt great. What does that mean? Should I have saved it for confessional?


peevish said...

You typed this on your iphone? Hats off to you, Madame! Also, when I first read this post, my brain connected "Madeira cake" and "delightfully warm in a way I am shamefully loving". Mmm, warm cake.

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