Wednesday, 14 October 2009

I have plants

My children are not remotely strange or damaged and even if they are, I have PLANTS in my house. My friend Claire works as a barrister in child protection and she told me that if you have houseplants social workers will never take your children away from you. FACT.

Plants!


Our dog is called Nicola Sazecosi.





2. This is my mother. She has a luxuriant moustache and a small purple brain.





But when she wakes up in the morning she looks like this:



My brother and I were raised by a stegosaurus. We wish he would come back. Please come back Steve.






Or Dave.


(This reads like I am drunk. I'm not at all, honest. Jo asked if I could put a bigger picture of Nicolas Sarkozy up, and then I got distracted by various other pictures. Anyway it's fine because I have plants and some of them are even alive).

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Interestingly, Nicholas Sarkozy appears to have eaten someone? I wish I had a stegasaurus, too.

Jenny

L. said...

I don't mean to be tacky in noting this but it looks like you only put one of your large furry boots on? After you stopped being a tentacled and beclawed monster, I mean.

Fat Controller said...

My mum is a social worker specialising in child protection. I'll have to remember to ask her about the houseplants wheeze.

If I'd known, I'd have thrown all our houseplants out in an effort to get our eldest out before his 20th birthday

JC said...

Too Funny ...
(I don't have any inside ... oops)

omchelsea said...

I think I was raised by a tyrannosaurus rex.

Artichoke Queen said...

L raises a good point. This is clearly further proof of your one-leggedness, which, if I recall, first appeared in that photo of you with the quadraboob in front of that GIANT door.

Jo said...

Thanks...but yeah, it still doesn't make any sense! Those drawings are absolutely fantastic. Whenever blog inspiration leaves you, you could just post their fab pictures instead. Classic.

Steve and Dave said...

We will come back when you get our names right. (Though I will admit I never quite know which one is Lashes and which one is Fingers).

Laura and Ben said...

Nicola Sazecosi is an excellent dogs name. I will have to add it to the list of possible names for future pets/children.

Metropolitan Mum said...

Word verification: mentinal. How can I compete with that?

PS: I'd be disappointed if you weren't drunk.

Kim said...

Another laugh out loud post. THANK YOU. My Thursday was kind of a snoozefest until this.

pinolona said...

Isn't Nicola Sarecozi the little eaten person inside the bowels of the dog?

Hänni said...

I like that Nicholas Sarkozy is making poo. What a charming portrait.

Grit said...

we have no plants except mould around the back of the kitchen sink. does that count?

we also have a mouse. that should swing it. responsible people keep pets. we will not tell her we killed the rat.

Kitschen Pink said...

You mean the plants don't have to be living? I can do dead house plants? t.xx

Jaywalker said...

Yes, Jenny, rarely a day goes by without some creature in a picture eating a sibling, I find (no, Pinolona, Lashes was quite clear, the dog is Nicolas Sarkozy. I don't know who he's eaten).

L - Hmm. I suppose that's possible. Just stare at my moustache instead.

FC - oh yes, please get it independently corroborated, because I clutch onto it like a life raft.

JC - quick, drag one in.

omchelsea - there's a market for your misery memoir out there...

AQ - I have TWO legs. TWO! Pah.

Jo - I am trying to get them to draw capybaras at the moment, but they aren't keen. Bribery time.

Steve/Dave - we're all just hors d'oeuvres to you aren't we?

Laura - you might need a way to abbreviate it slightly, but otherwise it's perfect.

MM - oh, I am now. I just wasn't THEN. Easily rectified, I find.

Kim - oh good! Thank you.

Hänni - why thank you! He takes commissions for greetings cards.

Grit - make sure the mouse is IN A CAGE. This is very important.

KP - Hmm. Not sure. I might have to check.

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