Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Wednesday Livestock

It's Wednesday, so some of us may be needing a baby elephant. Ideally one with a small tray humanely attached to its back. The small tray will be loaded with Artisan du Chocolat salted butter caramels, Nurofen Plus, pots of tea, maybe a pygmy jerboa and some light reading. I mean, really. This is Belgium where the pet shops sell owls, and kangaroos. How hard can it be?

In the absence of a baby elephant butler, I can offer you a slightly fuzzy photograph.

Here, finally, is Kai Mook, the baby elephant with the most uncertain gestation period in the history of inept Belgian animal husbandry. This is the best picture Fingers and I managed to get on our epic trip to see him some months ago. We spent many hours on meandering Belgian trains going through places that looked like this:

It took longer than seemed geographically possible. I mean, Belgium is SMALL. I would have thought we could have reached at least, oooh, Austria in the time it took us. Maybe Denmark.

(Fingers tutted like an old lady throughout. He is hilariously prissy company sometimes.)

We arrived in Antwerp in the rain with Fingers levitating with anxiety that we might be too late. I'm still unsure how you can be too late for a baby elephant. I mean, they live a fair while, don't they?

Then we squinted through the drizzle at this:

Fingers examined Kai Mook with intense concentration for about thirty seconds. Then he turned to me.

"Ca y est. Je l'ai vu. On y va?".

(Ok, I've seen him. Shall we go?)

"Oh. Ok then".

So we did. And we had a waffle, and Fingers had a ride in an orange and gold stag beetle.

I don't know where I think I'm going with this, except that it was a fuck of a lot more fun than today.

Go on, how was your Wednesday? Baby elephants, or vomiting on trams?


Mr London Street said...

I failed to win a stash of 1970s porn on eBay. It was being sold by quite a senior account manager I work with. I could have dined out on those eleven copies of 'Rustler' (in his immortal words to me which didn't make it onto the eBay listing "no creases, no tears, no stains").

A very disappointing day.

kathycastro said...

Hmmm, anyone else think Mr London Street may be very good value when it comes time to re-open the confessional now that Layla has found the HTTM?

My Wednesday, you ask, dear JW? Well, it's 1:40pm and I have showered. And dressed the top half of my body. But still no trousers. And I have Shit To Do today, all of which is timebound by the fact that I have to pick up my niece and nephews in less than two hours to go meet my Good Brother (yes, as opposed to my Bad Brother -- can you do a sibling post sometime, where we can all share terrible sibling stories in the comments and I can tell you about the day Bad Brother blew up a street light with a stick of dynamite? thx) to go see the local NHL team do their pre-season intrasquad scrimmage or some such crap. I wouldn't go but he has bribed me with free ice cream. And I'm easy like that.

And so I suspect that this Shit I have to do isn't going to get done. Because I have wet hair and no trousers and haven't eaten a thing yet and I have to be somewhere in 100 minutes. Meh.

Kai Mook's pretty cute though.

Mr London Street said...

"value" just about sums me up.

I'm the Tesco Value of blogland.

Waffle said...

MLS - but 'value' makes you very zeitgeisty and 2009. Rejoice! This is your moment. Sorry about your vintage porn disappointment though. I suspect a cute baby elephant won't really cut it, will it?

Kathy - yes. confessional. I agree, The City Road might have a rival. And yes also to sibling post. And no to trousers. Say no to trouser tyranny. Go back to bed. Pretend you're on Belgian time.

Anonymous said...

I had long and boring meetings, which prevented anything meaningful being accomplished until now, at 10.30 tonight I am hurriedly finishing something that should have been done last week. Deadline FAIL.
But, on the bright side, I did achieve something notable in my meetings - I negotiated successfully for the implementation of 'actual lunch' with 'actual sandwiches and stuff' rather than stale biscuits at the next round of meetings. I might have to suffer mindless tedium, but at least I won't be suffering hunger pangs at the same time.
Word verification is 'jawboxin' - what I desire to do in meetings, as opposed to 'jawclenchin', which is what I actually do...

Mrs Jones said...

I had a pretty good Wednesday. I locked myself away in my jewellery workshop, making stuff, drinking tea, listening to grown-up Radio 4 programmes about the Bermuda Triangle, fannying about on Facebook and then I discovered the rather fabulous where you upload a picture of yourself and then superimpose it over black and white yearbook pictures from the 1950s onwards - genius! I shall put my pics on my blog - I advise you all to do the same.

London City (mum) said...

Some sad bastard tried to 'out' me on a website for posting anonymous reviews about companies by using my true name. And I had not even said anything disparaging either - for once v well balanced and unbiased. No idea what his bone is (probably desperate for attention is my guess).

The upside is that he has also unwittingly make public 'confidential' information that he should not have ever been party to.

Oh, but I am the 'stupid' one, according to his post.

Margaret said...

Oh, Wednesday, you are crap. I got up very early for an unemployed person (7:30), futzed around for a few hours (showered, though), then went to the city for lunch with an old friend. (Kimchee dumplings--oh, lordy--I shovelled down ten in about 8 minutes. Not pretty.) Stopped at the new JC Penney (fuck you, Cintra Wilson, it's just dull, not the End of Manhattan Civilization). Came home, looked half-heartedly for a job. There are no jobs even though Ben Bernacke said the recession is over. Felt depressed. Took a nap. Now I wait for my husband to come home so we can argue about dinner. I wish I'd gone to visit a baby elephant. Would they let a grownup on the bug ride?

Anonymous said...

Wednesday was OK. I didn't, personally, actually get much of anything done, per se. Work being included in "anything." Bit of an oops given I get paid by the hour.

I never could have expected that I would utter this phrase, but I'm really curious about the Belgian pet shops, and the owls and kangaroos. Isn't that illegal or something? It would be over here, anyway, and I think of Europeans as generally more strict than Americans when it comes to animal rights and protections. But maybe that is incorrect.

Margarita @ said...

Throwing everything not of purpose out in the garbage. 3 huge contractor bags worth. Then showering after smelling myself. Then getting ready to go out whilst the man comes homes and orders pizza.

Grit said...

1. typeset article on something about 'analyse lexicométrique et le discours politique'. i expect all europe will be reading it soon.

2. took kids to workshop with some strange expressionist/drama person who behaves like therapist for the impaired. i hid in her bedroom.

3. toured bedford charity shops with kids and bought a glow-in-the-dark dolphin and a turtle in a snow globe.

i count these as achievements. i ignore a reading that they are delusional states and never happened at all.

M. said...

Wednesday, saloperie:
- day long headache
- MICROWAVE pizza for breakfast
- disappointing curry for lunch
- day long headache
- learned have to go to interview for my own job. WTF?
- cycle ride, chain popped out 3 times. Asshole.
- Bought gooey looking lemon polenta cake. Was like eating sawdust. Connasse.
- Spent hours knitting and ended up with about, oh, half a millimeter of knitted garment length. FUCK OFF, kidsilk haze. You're not even made of real goat.
- did I mention the day long headache?


Anonymous said...

The stag beetle is brilliant. I only got to ride on a horse/pony or in a small uncomfortable car as a child...

The Spicers said...

I've already forgotten most of Wednesday, but the day ended with an uncomfortable hour sitting in a tiny school chair with 50 other parents being lectured by a 2nd grade teacher with a bleach-blond mullet. And no food or drinks on offer for our trouble.

GingerB said...

I had gum surgery. The good news is he didn't find a crack in the root to cause all the infection, so I did not get a bone graft, yet. Now my face is twice its nomral size in that quadrant, so much so my lips don't meet.

I wanted to share a post with you of the vegetable scultpures at the Utah State Fair but the throbbing got to me and I had to lie down.

pinolona said...

I love Finger's reaction to the elephant. I would love to be that nonchalant.

On Wednesday I blew the lights with my English hairdryer, stayed home to let in the Belgacom man, found my local Polish shop, spent upwards of four hours in a wifi cafe and learnt - courtesy of the BBC - what might happen if I get swine flu.

On Thursday I got the internet at home and now I need never leave the house again...

Waffle said...

Oooh, Anon! Lunch! You are a meeting hero.

Mrs Jones - yes, I remember when Antonia and Ian did that. It was most wonderful. I am too lazy to find a photo that would do the trick..

LCM - oh, no, what an arse.

Margaret - they did! There were loads of grown ups. Also mmmm kimchee dumplings. M will have your hand off if you mention those again.

Anon - seriously I have seen owls, and wallabies in petshops here. They appear to have no animal protection laws at ALL. The CFO is always suggesting we try and order a girafee or a galapagos giant tortoise from our local, just to test out the theory.

Margarita - I think you should come round here and bring your bin bags. I'll make you a nice cup of tea and everything.

Grit - gaaaaah. The glow in the dark snow globe would have catapulted me over the edge.

M - you had the day long headache too? What the FUCK. Our brain is broken, we should demand another. Mercredi, enculé.

mysterycreature - the whole thing was quite brilliant. even the support poles had giant praying mantises that went up and down. genius.

Waffle said...

Iheart -oooh nice. Even the gulag had crisps.

Oh god, Ginger. That is spectacularly terrible. UGH. Poor you. Back to bed, now. with sweet, sweet opiates.

pinolona - ooh, you arrived! How are you coping?

Anonymous said...

Cute elephant and stag bettle.

My Wednesday (and Thursday) have been spent in a conference centre in Salt Lake City, hours and time zones away from the man I love and home. I challenge anyone to beat that for dullness and loneliness.


Soda and Candy said...

You have a way with words...

"inept Belgian animal husbandry"

*swoon* I laughed a lot. What a good mother you are for making the pilgrimage to the zoo.

Margaret said...

Salt Lake City. That's rough. Do you get a break to run around the streets taunting the Mormons with takeout coffee?

bevchen said...

Vomiting on trams? Tell me more!

Today is Thursday. Yesterday was Wednesday. I can't remember what happened yesterday. I worked. I came home. I was very, very tired. I still am very, very tired. The details have disappeared though. But I'm fairly sure there was neither vomiting nor baby elephants.

Katy said...

Wednesday no baby elephants or vomit but lots of toddler snot.

Pontecarloblue said...

yesterday (Wednesday) was worse than crap what with the nervous stomach and gnawing guilt. Today is much better only the fact that the boiler installed 18 months ago is fucked and the plumber despite being here for two hours couldn't fix it. So no hot water but no gnawing guilt - on balance a better day.

Z said...

Wednesday, I went to a lecture about Madame X, which was brilliant. The day was a whole lot better than today when i had an x-ray to confirm my hip is truly fucked and discovered my rented-out London flat needs a £1,500 new boiler. Still, only money. It's health that matters, right.

Oh, wait...

Veronica Wald said...

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Your children are marvelously beautiful. I kind of like that baby elephant a lot, too.

pinolona said...

OOh I arrived about two weeks ago but I've been skulking in the local Foodmaker (terrible coffee and stressful red lampshades) cos it's the only place I could find with free wifi. Apart from that, it's good - Brussels is a lot less... well... grey than I thought it would be.

Waffle said...

Pinolona - oh, man, Foodmaker coffee. I bought one last week and had to throw it away undrunk. What do they make it with? Gaaaah.

max said...

The elephants are so cute!

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