Wednesday, 23 September 2009

In which I need to get a (non-tingly) grip

Health Warning: This piece is intended for light entertainment purposes only. Belgian Waffle does not condone the misuse of psychotropic medicines for cheap thrills. Belgian Waffle is a bit stupid, really. Also, I'm sorry dad, I know this is exactly the kind of post you don't think I should write and you're almost certainly right.


The last week has been moderately to completely chaotic, so I ran out of deliciously crunchy anti-depressants on Thursday and wasn't able to go and get any more. There were always birthday celebrations to fuck up, meetings to be incompetent at, vital pieces of school kit to forget and now, rental properties to go and be bewildered by. The days went by and I still hadn't been to the dusty waiting room of death. There is a - tenuous, admittedly - reason why I am telling you the boring minutiae of my daily life, bear with me if you can.


Because I am having the weirdest withdrawal symptoms. There's the palpitations, whatever, bo-ring. And the galloping anxiety. Blah blah. Breathlessness, yawn. But what I'm REALLY enjoying is the weird fairground ride dizziness. I'll be walking along and suddenly whoooa! Everything is spinning! Sometimes for extra fun I get this bizarre tingling in my right hand. Swimmy weirdness. More tingling! Some of the best bits of today were sitting back to revel in the room swimming. YES. This is how great things are right now; I am enjoying my adverse reaction to Celexa withdrawal. Excellent. I didn't even realise what was going on initially, so I was in that deliciously ghoulish state of wondering if there was something terribly wrong with me for much of the week. I finally googled 'Celexa/Citalopram withdrawal' today and the truth was revealed in long, ungrammatical strings of chat peppered with emoticons, because those are the repository of scientific truth in 2009. I read it somewhere.

Inevitably, relieved gave way aggrieved as I became very envious of some of the other reported symptoms. I want the extremely vivid dreams. AND the "vivid freeze frame sensations". That sounds cool. And how about "brain shaking" and "fireworks"? How come 'Scott1' and 'Bart' and 'JoninDulwich' get them, but not me? No fair.

Today I have finally been to the doctor; I have my pills. She pursed her lips at me and said, bizarrely, "AND it's the autumn. This is all much worse in autumn". I am starting to wonder if she prescribes biodynamically, according to the phases of the moon and the seasons. Maybe that's why we all have to sit in the waiting room for so long? She's taking her cues from the moon? No matter. I have Celexa and no longer need to ride the rollercoaster of slightly crazy inner ear disturbance. But of course now I'm wondering just how it feels to have "someone shaking a box of rice in my head lol ;)". And asking myself, shiftily, whether one more day might be enough to have my very own box of rice shaking head effects.


I should really get out more.


I think next time I'll get the Doctor to write me a special biodynamic prescription for gin and tonic and dancing on tables and shit tv and Real People magazine. She's tremendously holistic you know.

22 comments:

Boo in London said...

oh BW - I do adore your blog - I can't tell you how many tedious days you've gotten me through! My favourite withdrawal symptom after 10 years is still the 'brain zap' - literally feels like an electric shock but only in your actual brain (I don't know how else to describe it)! I figure after 10 years if it hasn't worked that I should at least be grateful that I'm not as crazy as I 'could' be! Don't ever stop writing!! Bx

Anonymous said...

Bless you, had exact same issues with Cipramol, having decided it didn't work for me at all. Effexor XL, which did work marvels, even more dramatic when I took myself off that.

Won't let me log on, but HelenSparkles here, not anon at all, v.proud of mental health history. Well not ashamed anyway.

72suburbs said...

"...the truth was revealed in long, ungrammatical strings of chat peppered with emoticons, because those are the repository of scientific truth in 2009."

It's so true! Great line.

Boo in London said...

Helen - Effexor XL is the brain zapping drug (I'd love to say of choice)...I'm mentally health challenged and proud!

omchelsea said...

I want some.

redfox said...

The feel of someone's shaking a box of rice in one's head sounds potentially intriguing, but the potential for co-occurring lol;) effect gives me pause.

WV is ousebeav, which I presume is a housebeaver with the ends cut off. Poor truncated housebeaver.

Persephone said...

When I first buzzed through this, I misread the final sentence as being: "She's tremendously holistic than thou." Which I blame on my period. Even though I think it's pretty cool. The misread sentence, not the period which gives me bizarre and distinctly non-thrilling symptoms.

Titian red said...

Efexor XL has been great for me - smooths the ride without hitting you with a hammer (was that a mixed metaphor I spotted there ?) Like the fact WV is defecto - how very true

MargotLeadbetter said...

On a related note, I am indulging in a spot of recreational use of lemsip today (I had a cold which has more or less gone, but I'm hoping the lemsip will still make me feel ten! times! better! as it has been doing all week). Not sure if it's addictive though - will monitor situation in case anyone's interested.

Robin said...

Hey, Citalopram buddy! I get the same withdrawal symptoms, PLUS the 'brain zap' referred to by Boo. (Sometimes I swear I can hear a tiny 'ping!' when this happens. But then again, I am demonstrably insane.) My doctor for some reason won't issue my antidepressants to me in batches of more than twenty at a time (she says it's not because I'm a candidate for offing myself, but who knows), so I'm constantly running out on a Friday and then spending the weekend clinging to the sofa because the room is spinning. GOOD TIMES.

Stacy said...

I remember feeling my brain "sizzle." Ugh.

Soda and Candy said...

Wow, maybe I should get some of those and then go off them.

I love how people are pretty much using lol as a sentence ender no matter what the context. And by love I mean "am being driven crazy by".

Nimble said...

Am bothered by the lol sentence enders too, Soda and Candy. But I think some people use it to accurately indicate where their not funny conversational laughs would appear. As a nervous laugher myself I then have to stop feeling superior and forgive them. Dammit.

bevchen said...

Now O feel like I should get some of that stuff just so I can come off it and experience the withdrawel symptoms...

Anadininny said...

Jesus - and I was guilt-ridden about the occasional tummy-friendly Anadin...

Margarita said...

I sometimes think I need to go on meds. If only for the withdrawal symptoms

GingerB said...

I respectfully diagree with your dad, and think that you should write this kind of post. Exactly this kind of post.

Margaret said...

Did the doctor mean Seasonal Affective Disorder? I tell you, when we turn back the clocks it bums me out. The Land of the Midnight Sun, that's what I want.

lachatnoir said...

I keep running out of Citalopram and it takes about 30 hours before the waterworks start. Mind you, the dragon guardians of the doctors (ie their receptionists) do not help and reduce me to tears each time I make my pathetic plea for an emergency prescription - the harridans!

Jaywalker said...

Hello Boo - hmm. Brain zap sounds horrible. I could do without that one..

Helen - more dramatic? Do tell!

72suburbs - ah, thank you. can you imagine when all you had was a dusty encyclopaedia from the library and your neighbours? Awful.

omchelsea - yes, I recommend. Like Disneyland without the relentless merchandising.

redfox - who would DO that to the poor ousebeav?

Persephone - you're right. It would have been much cooler.

Titian - hmm, interesting. It's like Which? for drugs here! Yay.

Margot - you need to watch that Lemsip. That's some strong shit, y'all.

Robin - your blog made me laugh and laugh. Especially the cat on a stick. Thank you!

Stacy - it has a barbecue sound to it that I'm not loving.

Soda & Candy - yes. Eet ees rideeculous.

Nimble - I think you're right, it's like a signifier of social anxiety. Clever.

Bevchen - bad, reckless girl, you!

Anadininny - I think you need to go and do some bad things. Maybe start by poking a kitten or something, and work up.

Margarita - well, the tingling is quite special...

Ginger - ah, thank you!

Margaret - god knows. It was most unclear.

lachatnoir - ugh, bitches! That's mean.

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