Health Warning: This piece is intended for light entertainment purposes only. Belgian Waffle does not condone the misuse of psychotropic medicines for cheap thrills. Belgian Waffle is a bit stupid, really. Also, I'm sorry dad, I know this is exactly the kind of post you don't think I should write and you're almost certainly right.
The last week has been moderately to completely chaotic, so I ran out of deliciously crunchy anti-depressants on Thursday and wasn't able to go and get any more. There were always birthday celebrations to fuck up, meetings to be incompetent at, vital pieces of school kit to forget and now, rental properties to go and be bewildered by. The days went by and I still hadn't been to the dusty waiting room of death. There is a - tenuous, admittedly - reason why I am telling you the boring minutiae of my daily life, bear with me if you can.
Because I am having the weirdest withdrawal symptoms. There's the palpitations, whatever, bo-ring. And the galloping anxiety. Blah blah. Breathlessness, yawn. But what I'm REALLY enjoying is the weird fairground ride dizziness. I'll be walking along and suddenly whoooa! Everything is spinning! Sometimes for extra fun I get this bizarre tingling in my right hand. Swimmy weirdness. More tingling! Some of the best bits of today were sitting back to revel in the room swimming. YES. This is how great things are right now; I am enjoying my adverse reaction to Celexa withdrawal. Excellent. I didn't even realise what was going on initially, so I was in that deliciously ghoulish state of wondering if there was something terribly wrong with me for much of the week. I finally googled 'Celexa/Citalopram withdrawal' today and the truth was revealed in long, ungrammatical strings of chat peppered with emoticons, because those are the repository of scientific truth in 2009. I read it somewhere.
Inevitably, relieved gave way aggrieved as I became very envious of some of the other reported symptoms. I want the extremely vivid dreams. AND the "vivid freeze frame sensations". That sounds cool. And how about "brain shaking" and "fireworks"? How come 'Scott1' and 'Bart' and 'JoninDulwich' get them, but not me? No fair.
Today I have finally been to the doctor; I have my pills. She pursed her lips at me and said, bizarrely, "AND it's the autumn. This is all much worse in autumn". I am starting to wonder if she prescribes biodynamically, according to the phases of the moon and the seasons. Maybe that's why we all have to sit in the waiting room for so long? She's taking her cues from the moon? No matter. I have Celexa and no longer need to ride the rollercoaster of slightly crazy inner ear disturbance. But of course now I'm wondering just how it feels to have "someone shaking a box of rice in my head lol ;)". And asking myself, shiftily, whether one more day might be enough to have my very own box of rice shaking head effects.
I should really get out more.
I think next time I'll get the Doctor to write me a special biodynamic prescription for gin and tonic and dancing on tables and shit tv and Real People magazine. She's tremendously holistic you know.