Wednesday, 30 September 2009

Albino clawed toad and how to cure bloating

In the absence of anything more illuminating to share with the class (it is Wednesday, after all, the day when Satan roams through Belgium releasing children from school early and requiring them to attend far flung, pointless extra-curricular activities) I thought we could look at today's keywords in a little more detail, and perhaps pair them with the artistic or commercial medium in which they would be best expressed.

"Margaux showed off her voluminous bouquet"

This surely, must be large print romantic fiction, in the Mills & Boon mode. I wonder whether Antonia could incorporate it into her fantasy hard core Mills & Boon fiction project, along with her other treasured phrase, "his icy cold member". I challenge you, Antonia, to do so.


"Dry waffle skin"

I can't decide whether dry waffle skin would make a better pair of medium height, block heeled court shoes, or a better capacious, no-nonsense handbag. Any thoughts?


"Rabbit's milk cheese"

Here we are in an alternative wholefood restaurant run by a bunch of provenance mad food bores. Sustainably sourced rabbit's milk cheese from a Wiltshire smallholding please.


"Penis stump"

Hmm. For some reason I am fixated on this being a good name for a racehorse, but I'm open to other suggestions.


"Belgium fuck the Walloons"

I suppose this might be some form of interpretative modern dance. Or a video installation piece?

"Shiny sardine organ"

I see Shiny Sardine Organ as likely to be a progressive electro-thrash trio. Probably from Leuven, or Maastricht.


"Dog with opposable thumbs Belgium"

This sounds like a dark Belgian fairy tale to me. The people who brought you MoitiƩ de Coq would be quite capable of transforming the happy, edifying tale of a dog who can pick stuff up into a nightmarish dystopian vision.


"Charlotte Gainsbourg clitoris forum"

Obviously this is some kind of on line, edgy celebrity genital discussion group . Or maybe I'm being too literal? I suppose they might be Shiny Sardine Organ's rivals and near neighbours from The Hague?


Ok, now your turn. What ideas do you have for the following, and of course for the title search? If you think I have it all wrong above, do let me know too.


"Tentacle debauchery"

"How to wear your flannel"

"Uncensored yellow dragon"

11 comments:

The City Road said...

"Tentacle debauchery"
-- Episode title for a new Nigella Lawson Series on seafood. Series provisionally titled "Nigella Does The Deep"

"How to wear your flannel"
-- Unused title idea for a series based on Brideshead Revisited.

"Uncensored yellow dragon"
-- My local Chinese take-away. Seriously hardcore.

bevchen said...

How to wear your flannel sounds like the title of a reality TV show...

Layla said...

Yo Waffle!

Getting completely rat-arsed to celebrate my diagnosis of something which is not only eminently fixable, but also explains my tiredness/susceptibility to infections over a number of years before it got really extreme just lately.

Was fully expecting one of 2 outcomes:

either

a) something terminal, in the manner of my husband, which would have been tiresome & would also have been extremely weird, statistically

or

b) clean test results and the doctor explaining to me sympathetically that my extreme fatigue is entirely psychosomatic, & that I need to get out more.

But no, I am curable!

YAYYYYYYYY!!!!

now to drink more egregiously bad Turkish red wine, before starting the hypothyroidisim medication in the morning - for some reason you have to take it in the morning.

Um.... what was your post about?

Sorry, am Queen of Solipsism ce soir.

Mwah, my sister, keep your chin-up and keep self-medicating in whatever manner gets you through the day - and night..

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX Caroline

The City Road said...

"Albino clawed toad and how to cure bloating"
-- Extremely poor translation from English to Cantonese then back to English again for the film "Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging"

The City Road said...

"Penis stump"
-- Porn version of Forrest Gump

"Dry waffle skin"
-- Medical condition, occupational hazard for salespeople demonstrating Waffle Irons at trade shows cf. 'Maple Syrup Ulceration', 'Involuntary Respiratory Tract Powdered Sugar Syndrome'

Mme. Jaywalker has taken pity on my addiction, and provided a chance for some bonus points;

"Capybara special health problems"
-- NIH review of abnormally high blood pressure found in Capybaras working in the medical profession; conclusive evidence that causation is patient stupidity. Punks. Abstract available.

"Anti-seagull spray"
-- Commonly available at shops in all UK towns likely to play Brighton & Hove Albion in League One football. Like mace, but stronger.

"Blue waffle infection"
-- Belgium's answer to Beatles animated film 'Yellow Submarine' in the sixties. Featured Blue Waffle attacked by Yellow Meanies. Sank without a trace.

fabhat said...

Uncensored yellow dragon is surely the next step after going "open kimono" in a business meeting (a la mrs trefusis)? I would think that uncensored yellow dragon must mean showing the client your...full projections?

How to wear your flannel is a tv concept programme when they mix up kim and aggie with trinny and susannah. Competitive cleaning and clothes humilation in one simple show.

magpie said...

Surely 'how to wear your flannel' is what Gok Wan will be presenting in forty years time?
The only interpretations I can think of for the others are frankly too disgusting for this time in the morning.

MargotLeadbetter said...

'Tentacle debauchery'
Oh, not again. Will somebody pleease think of the tentacles?

'How to wear your flannel'
Well, I prefer it worn damply on the face for a few seconds each morning. Chacun a son gout though.

'Uncensored yellow dragon'
You have a good point. Censored dragons are so 2008, yellow or otherwise.

Soda and Candy said...

I gpt nothin' but I loved this!

westendmum said...

The whole lot read together sounded rather like a Bilious Moon romantic fiction to me. I'm a little upset they brought in the Belgian dog with opposable thumbs though. Oh well, I suppose anything goes these days.
WEM xx

black said...

bridal online shop bridal gowns wholesale wedding dresses high quality bridal gowns wholesale custom wedding dresses wedding apparel wedding dresses top sellers wedding dresses2010 new arrivals 2010 new arrivals wedding dresses beach wedding dresses Luxury Wedding Dresses plus size wedding dresses wedding party dresses bridesmaid dresses junior bridesmaid dresses flower girl dresses mother of bride dresses wedding shoes wedding bags wedding accessories evening dresses prom dresses cocktail dresses quinceanera dresses little black dresses