Why, just last night, the CFO discovered this esoteric, self-published tome lurking near the bizarrely comprehensive selection of adhesives:
It is very wonderful, and filled with illustrations like this:
Being a rigorous empiricist , he was insistent that we try out the first exercise, "Mummification", apparently the first step to become a proficient, uh, judeochristian-hypno-mystic-healer. You will be happy to hear that we have also made hats for, and given names to, all the pre-pubecent girl in a ball statues and I will be showcasing them soon. We know how to party on holiday and no mistake.
The full instructions are here and contain elements of French vocabulary that you will doubtless find invaluable when trying to get to the station or rent a bicycle:
Let me give you the edited highlights in English.
Firstly, the author suggest that as a in order to practise your magical powers, you first try and mummify something. The link between hypnotism and mummification is not entirely satisfactorily explained [not at all]. But why not. Of course! Ideally, one should first experiment with mummifying a lemon, orange or piece of meat. Apparently these are easier than fish or eggs. Interesting. We did not consider our powers sufficiently well developed to test the meat. Perhaps next time.
We chose a lemon. Of course, since this is rigorous science, you also require a Control Lemon (or citron témoin).
Figure 1: The Lemons
Figure 2: The Control Lemon
Figure 3: The Mummification Candidate Lemon
Next, take your Control Lemon and place it somewhere far away, where it will not suffer the effects of your Intense Vibrations otherwise you might be so powerful you inadvertently mummify it too!We dealt with this risk by placing our Control Lemon in the barbecue (not lighted).
Next! Take your lemon and place your closed fists over it.
Then open them as if projecting magnetic energy onto the lemon. Keep your open hands over the lemon for a while [unspecified] whilst concentrating on the desired goal: MUMMIFICATION.
Apparently we have to repeat this tomorrow. And for 'several days' [not specified]. The time required will be proportional to our natural magnetism. Huh. But! Eventually we should see our lemon dry out and harden - our lemon will be mummified! Then we will be able to keep it for years to amaze friends and family and as a testament to our healing powers.
Are you not excited at the living breathing science taking place on this weblog tonight? Will anyone join us in attempting to mummify citrus fruits? Why, it could practically be a whole class at the fête in and of itself.
Tune in tomorrow for more LEMON NEWS, but I've just had a sneak peek at mummification lemon and...
Figure 8: Before
Figure 9: After