Wednesday, 8 July 2009

Travelling heavy

(Yes, the pile of cheap confectionery is on my bed. Do you wish to make something of it?)

Things I brought back from London:

20 "fun" (better name would be "misery") sized and 2 large packets of Chocolate Buttons

Bag of various fun sized transfat loaded chocolate miniatures (see 'Grabber' below)

4 Cadbury Caramels

Packet of fondant fancies

Packet of Viennese creams (I don't even know what these are - I had a bizarre Marks & Spencer biscuit brainstorm)

Packet of gingerbread men

Packet of Fig Rolls

Packet of Burts Salt & Pepper crisps

4 baby avocados

30 cocktail sausages

1 pot Greek Style yoghurt

3 Jellies

1 tin of Chocolate Olivers

1 Argos Fairground Candy Grabber ( batteries not included) - thereby ensuring I was allowed back in the house.

1 Whistles nude silk top (sale bargain)

1 Whistles black and white print silk asymmetrical dress with one ruffled shoulder (also sale bargain)

One Day (with some trepidation - think I might hate it, but this is what a lot of reviewers have said; that they hated the concept on principle but actually liked the book. So I am trying it, which is big of me.)

1 tube of St Tropez Everyday Light to Medium (for further adventures in inebriated self-tanning)

A knee of death, puffing up to nicely elephantine dimensions

A selection of minor abrasions and bruises from falling onto the 14:55 from Kent House to London Victoria (and then having to get off and wait an hour for the next train because my beloved Rupert Sanderson shoe had fallen onto the tracks).

1 tonne of lead piping, worn internally.


MissMtheBeekeeper said...

"One day" was the book at bedtime a couple of weeks ago, read by Julian Rhind-Tutt. I thought it was excellent, so if you give up on the book maybe you can listen online. Will prove emotional I suspect.

Enjoy the "fun" chocolate.

MissMtheBeekeeper said...

N.b It did for me anyway!

Metropolitan Mum said...

Les Belges did let you in with this inferior joke of an attempt to copy chocolate? Tut-tut, you shouldn't even be allowed to call it chocolate.

redfox said...

Alas, poor shoe! I don't suppose there was a way to get it back, was there? I would like a nice avocado right about now, with plenty of lemon please.

Simon said...

I work near the English Shop (sorry, "Gourmet Food and Gifts") in Schuman, and it keeps me stocked up on Crunchies, Double Deckers, fingers of Fudge and Creme Eggs.
Because you just can't get decent chocolate in Belgium...

kathycastro said...

Waiting breathlessly for next chapter in which we find out whether handsome swain rescued shoe...

Red Shoes said...

Love, LOVE the nude silk top.

Poor, poor you with the knee of death and the renegade shoe though!

Let us know how you like the books, please.

DameEmma said...

Mad about the dress. English junk food is superior to all others.
Do you have the body lotion that has a bit of self-tanner in it in Belgium? It is extremely difficult to cock up, drunk or not. Downside: it takes a few days to get a result.

Anonymous said...

Hello fellow london falloverererer. Chocolate does indeed make it better though.

bevchen said...

Did you get your shoe back?

Choloclate buttons!! Am off to sulk now cos I don't have any.

Waffle said...

Tell me the truth, Miss M - will this be another Revolutionary Road for me? Should I wait for a couple of years before reading?

Metropolitan Mum - dude I am PROUD of my cheap and nasty britchoc tastes. I come from York, home of the KitKat, Yorkie and Aero. Cheap chocolate runs through my veins.

Redfox - I did rescue the shoe, though in a way that, if I were in one of the frequent warning videos they showed us in school, would have had me CUT INTO TINY PIECES by a train, leaving only a poignant shot of my bloodstained spectacles.

Simon - what? You mean I didn't have to drive to that half-timbered piece of nonsense in the arse end of nowhere for cheap shitty chocolate?

kathy - pah. As you well know handsome swains are few and far between, particularly in Kent and its environs. I sat on the platform and cried for an hour entirely undisturbed by acts of chivalry.

Red Shoes - I will! The top is one of those 'better off than on' things that I loved on the hanger but makes me look like I am made out of 6 week old porridge. Ah well.

DameEmma - to my eternal shame, that's what the St Tropez stuff is supposed to be, which just goes to show there is no end to my idiocy.

Deililly - oh, where did you fall over? Did you also look like an idiot?

Bevchen - yes! At great risk. But I love those damn shoes.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Having read the review link you kindly posted, JW, I have a strong feeling that the Glue book doesn't seem a riot of laughs, given the precis!

And I hope you enjoy the sugar-rush after the lost shoe-lead-piping-crying jag... Are you sure you were'nt in a game of Cluedo?!

A Woman Of No Importance said...


What's happened to my English? Must have been distrait at the sight of all that chocolat!

Grit said...

there is great excitement in this house today and i feel i must share. you have tin tin. you have a lovely new shrine to tin tin. all the grits would like to be there, because tin tin stands next to harry potter and unicorns in the list of adored.

but you can keep your uk packets of brown lard. we only eat the belgium stuff round here.

Anonymous said...

I fell over at a crossing at the Freemason's hall on a busy Sunday. The green man came up and I went down. In a noisy, sweary sprawl on the wonky pavement that a tree root was attempting to rise through. And then couldn't quite work out how to get back up with anxious friend (who had dived gracefully across the road and had to spin and dive gracefully back to eejit pal) standing over me worriedly brushing me down and passing people asking if I was alright.

Yes, I looked like a total idiot. Do I beat yours? Can also put forward a falling off my platforms at Manchester Pride last year. Or how about an Edinburgh Hogmanay a few years ago, right into broken glass if it fails to top your own London fall!

MissMtheBeekeeper said...

On the scale of weeping, at which I will place at the top, as a bar, "Life Is Beautiful" and "Warhorse" (i.e. 3 days of tears non stop and then another 7 of gulping sobs). I would say Revolutionary Road was an 8 and One Day is a 5. It will be cathartic though, I promise you that. But maybe put some terrible rom com or Disney classic either side as buffers.

Waffle said...

Deililly - hang on, hen. You are playing with the big girls here. Last but one fall was outside work, slipped forward carrying two cups of coffee, so landed hard on arse with nothing to cushion blow. Could not move/bend/sit down on arrival at work and work FIRST AIDER had to be called. First aider young, fairly attractive gentleman, perhaps 22, summoned. To examine my ghastly ageing ARSE. I refused. Work doctor then called to do the same. Had to submit as medical professional, blah blah. Work doctor then sent me to casualty for ARSE X RAY. Of course, nothing broken. Except my spirit.

Miss M - your scale of weepiness is a thing of beauty.

Tigerbaps said...

Am led to believe that one can't say 'brainstorm' these days for some shiteous reason. Apparently 'thought showering' is acceptable alternative. Every time you say 'brainstorm' a capybara dies. Just sayin'.

Anonymous said...

DAMN I AM DEFEATED. Well for the moment anyway. I am quite sure my inner klutz will try and make a bid for the WaffleKlutz Crown again soon.

Though I couldn't lose to a more worthy opponent. Arse X-ray?! And I thought I would die of embarrasment trapped on my face in a broken bottle. I couldn't get out of it since there was nowhere to put my hands down and my willowy, delicate and slightly drunk friend had absolutely no chance of hefting a not inconsiderable me out of my troubles. Was stuck there till a nice man came along and actually picked me up right out of the glass and put back down on safe ground. I hope he was drunk and didn't feel the pain of that effort till the morning at least!

redfox said...

The Arse-Ray is truly the pinnacle of something. I congratulate you on the rescue of your shoe. I am myself SO VERY VERY terrified of being squashed by a train that it makes me quake in my ballet flats just thinking about it.

Top Bird @ Wee Birdy said...

Now that's a pretty awesome sweet stash you've got there. I do feel for your travelling woes, having ongoing train/feet/shoe problems. Did you have to jump on the tracks to retrieve your Sanderson? xx

p.s. I'm at home in bed with 'mostly likely' pig flu. Oink.

monk said...

The Schuman English shop is a travesty. I go in to wander and yearn but I can't bring myself to shell out €20 for a dairy milk. In times of dire need, however, it is handy. That is how, in a fit of misery, I found myself buying a Christmas pudding the size of my thumbnail for €18. You're best off out...

And congrats for mending the internets. Crisis over

Robert Hudson said...

I have always thought 'fun' would be a good size for condoms.

Chantal said...

Ahhhhhhhhh, you were in London again and I have missed all of this due to AWOL internet (home & work). Shackass.

Your shoe - I have been there, terrible times. Glad you got it back though, and DEFIED TRAIN DEATH in the process.

Your clothes - lovely, lovely.

Your chocolate - the only way forward. Give me Cadbury's or give me death.

Very nice to read you again btw.


reen said...

I can't be reading this list right, there is no mention of shoes (being purchased, as opposed to the one that attempted to leap to its death on the tracks).

Anonymous said...

I just have to say the words, "fondant fancies" and I start to slobber.

Never ate them wnen we lived in the UK, now I can't have them I WANT them!


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adam clean said...
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