1. I am very tired and pathetic after spending the week drinking cocktails and tottering round London inappropriately dressed. It is also very late since I have just got back to Brussels (and why does the house smell of sileage? Perhaps best if I don't enquire too closely. Is that even how you spell it? Silage/Sileage? Countryfolk?) on the last train AND I had to find a cash machine AND my taxi smelled like something had died in there and not too recently. As a consequence this will be a SHIT confessional, and I have no idea when I will be able to dispense penance. So. I suggest either you turn on each other and establish some kind of comments box martial law, or you go all Opus Dei on me and punish YOURSELVES.
Actually, no. I have a better idea: we should leave penance in the hands of the monsters from the Guardian's guide to Monsters of Greek Mythology.
Which guest confesser will you choose?
Will it be number 1: Tennis skirt wearing, baby wielding cow?
Number 2: "Holy fuck Leo, I TOLD you not to let the cubs swim in that power station effluent"
Number 3: "My tail is the least of your worries"
Or my personal favourite, Number 4: Dignified tentacle chicken head dragon?
I will eventually waft back like a wrathful deity and do some smiting, but the CFO will be up at 5 tomorrow twitching and prodding me until we set off (probably at 6h30 if I am lucky) to 'avoid the worst of the traffic' (for which read: 'arrive 3 hours early').
2. I haven't finished M's work and she is going to kick my ass.
3. All of my meals today have been cake. Not even good cake, most of it.
4. I am suffering the sin of despair faced with two weeks of dubious or nil connectivity in the Normandy countryside. Noone knows whether there is an internet connection, but I have dark fears. The Normandy countryside is essentially unchanged since the Bayeux Tapestry, but with more shotguns and pyschotropic medicines. I do not know if I am strong enough to withstand this. Actually, who the fuck am I kidding, I know perfectly well that I will need to be under heavy sedation after three days cold turkey. I am weaselling around to find the best way to evade this.
Huh. I told you it would be shit. Also, I have actually been quite well behaved this month so big fat gold star for me. Or maybe a big fat kick from the chicken tentacle dragon, I will let you be the judge.