Monday, 13 July 2009

The Belgian Waffle Village Fête 2009

It's about time I kicked things off for the VILLAGE FÊTE.

Of course, I want it to be bigger and better and more organised than last year, but I myself am none of those things, so it will be the same lame heap of disorganised nonsense it was then. But! Who cares! There will be cake and vegetables and office supplies and we will all have fun. YES.


The Village Fête Rules 2009

Rule One
I cannot be bothered with many rules. If you want to make some up, put them in the comments. I am happy to incorporate them.

Rule Two
Entries close on 31 August 2009.

Rule Three
If there is at least ONE entry in a category, I will also enter, to ensure there is an actual competition.

Rule Four
The judges decision is final even though at the time of writing there are no judges. The putative judges reserve the right to invent any arcane and nonsensical rules they find just or amusing.

Rule Five
Entries must fall within one of the categories listed below:

Vegetable creations

This year, additional points are available for vegetable homages to implausible creatures you have seen on YouTube. I am of course mainly thinking of pygmy jerboas here, but I will also consider sneezing pandas, Caplin Rous, that thing that raises its arms for tickles and anything else, frankly.


Again, there is an optional refinement to the cake class this year, which is cakes representing works of literature. Jen from Cakewrecks judged last year. I just have to repeat that - JEN FROM CAKEWRECKS. Yes. This blog will never reach such heights again so I have to remind you of our past greatness. I will ask her again but you know, she's an internet phenomenon and all, so I doubt she's got time.

Office Supplies

You too can make facial hair from commonly available stationery items. Or whatever else you can steal.


Pets whatever, really. Pet fancy dress? Pet that looks most like its owner? Pet with the demonstrably smallest brain?

Soft stuff

You know, stuff made of material or whatever. This is not my specialist subject. Dr Capybara might have to help out.


Because I would hate to restrict you creatively with my attempts to categorise. Go crazy. Craft away.

Rule Six
Entries can be made by email, or by uploading an entry on your own blog and linking to the Village Fête. Telling me about it would also be A Good Plan.

Rule Seven
There will be PRIZES. The prizes might be shit. You have been warned.

Rule Eight
Anyone who helps me sort out shit technically is guaranteed to win a PRIZE. I am talking: sorting out a Flickr account for categories. Pretty decorative bunting. Maybe a special Village Fête masthead. Anything that would be good but that my stunted prehistoric brain is too primitive to comprehend. Just email or comment your clever suggestions, explained as if to your deaf great aunt.

I declare the Village Fête open! Suggest helpful stuff in the comments! And I will stop using exclamation marks!


mothership said...

We demand virtual donkey rides with grumpy, biting beasties. I can offer no technical help on this, just vivid descriptions of what it is like to ride one (and be bitten).
However, no Village Fete is complete without them, surely?

Pontecarloblue said...

Along similar lines a virtual tombola and/or white elephant? Perhaps we can get those less lazy than I am involved in a testosterone fueled tug-o-war?

jonathan said...

Ooh a village fete! I wasn't here this time last year so have no idea what to expect. Will there be a bric-a-brac stall? Because I have very recent and only slightly traumatic experience of running one. Oh this is very exciting, I'll go and get me bunting out...

Helen Brocklebank said...

I have eleven thousand books for the second-hand book stall, and some dubious yet expensive perfume for the high roller tombola.
But I will make stuff: was wondering how to gainfully amuse the infants on our holiday to Top People's Glamorous Destination du jour, Salisbury.
I think it may involve sylvanian families and cake and office supplies in the same entry. Is that allowed? Being entered in more than one category with the same exhibit?
Also, do you have a category for novelty floral hats? It appeared to be v popular at Chelsea Flower Show& you don't want to be outdone.

@eloh said...

Until I read the comments, I was my usual blank dumbfoundo self.

Can we please!!(!) have a named category for --white elephant, bric-a-brac wtf.

Also, a trek to Tijuana and the borrowing of a donkey from this lady down there could work has been many years ago, I never knew of it to bite...but it had other tricks.

mountainear said...

Why stop at white elephants? Can we not have the real thing?

Anonymous said...

I shall set tasks for the teenagers to make entries during the holidays - they are fare more likely to make stuff for your village fete than do the washing up or any of the other things I helpfully suggest they do while I am at work.

Juci said...

Oh noes. Now I'll have to be creative, and I suck at that. Can I enter with ridiculous compositions assembled out of children's toys? Or is that cheating?

Waffle said...

Many of you have ideas that appear challenging for an ONLINE VIRTUAL EVENT. However Mrs Trefusis has kindly agreed to host a sort of poisoner's tea tent.

Mothership - whilst I would LOVE donkeys, I am at a loss to see how it would work. Please revert with donkey ideas. A sidebar button with links to donkey footage?

Pontecarlo - Again, HOW???? I knew I needed technical assistance. White elephant seems possible. Though what would it involve, exactly? Everyone dredging up pictures of some piece of ugly implausible shit from their attic?

Jonathan - have no fear. Set yourself a low impact, stupid craft project, ideally involving fresh produce.

Mrs Trefusis - I'd practically open a new category for Sylvanian office vegetable cakes.

Eloh - since you are the second person to ask, I will graciously include a white elephant category. Also, do fetch your donkey. Or at least tell us more.

Mountainear - they are very cumbersome and muddy. I know, having seen Kai Mook this weekend.

CA - I look forward seeing what collaborative effort Lenin and Attila come up with...

Juci - of course you can. We'll call it home office supplies.

tigerbaps said...

Would it be acceptable for me to knit this uterus doll (there go two words I never expected to type together)for the village fete?

Or can I just link to this pic and pretend I knitted this one? Or I could make it from spring onions and haggis or something.

tigerbaps said...

Oh um or I could do a nice shrug for the weepette in your life.
Word Verification - smuntraf. Sounds like what you would call somebody who knits wombs and shrugs for dogs - what a complete smuntraf. Put that on a biscuit.

Waffle said...

Tigerbaps - dude, if that womb is not all your own work I will find out. I will be sending the crack team of Belgian Waffle FETE AUDITORS to check your needles. Or something. A weepette shrug would be most acceptable.

Pontecarloblue said...

Noted - will come up with a solution for virtual white elephant asap.

Red Shoes said...

I'm so excited! I have no idea how to contribute, but nonetheless... So Excited! I've even blogged about it. Hoping I can come up with something suitable. *squinches eyes into thinking-hard position*

Gina said...

I am entering. I am full of hope and promise and delight.

GingerB said...

If I can use diapers I am ready to compete. And I am full of excitement to see what you all come up with! Tigerbaps, I believe knitty has patterns for prosthetic breasts, which could them be donated to charity after the fete.

wv: swids

monk said...

Oh, the joy of resurfacing on the internets and discovering the village fete is up and running in all its twisted glory. I am off to buy a bulk load of waffles and witloof, and will furtively craft my little heart out in corners and under the duvet at night until I come up with something worthy.

Sinda said...

The post is done, my entry is here:

Category, CAKES (& Misc. Capybara)

Word Verification "hinesses," as in "Your Royal - ?"

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