Saturday, 27 June 2009

Cautionary tale

(Click on the photos to enlarge for the full horror)

Repeat after me:

I will not fake tan drunk

I will not fake tan drunk

I will not fake tan drunk

I will not fake tan drunk

I will not fake tan drunk

I will not fake tan drunk

Confessional is still open and will remain open all weekend. The Holy Tortoise will be dropping back later today to clean up Tiger Baps' mess. Honestly. That's the last time I outsource.


@eloh said...

oh geez, I thought they had improved those products to be goof proof. Hey, cute shoes.

Irene said...

I thought that was impossible anymore. You must have been really drunk. Will it come out in the wash?

The Subtle Rudder said...

I see your splotchy ankles and raise you two rusty knees. I'll even throw in a pair of tangerine palms. And I was in my right mind at time of application.

Anonymous said...

I love your photography at the moment - its very reminiscent of the surreliast colour photographer William Egglestone.

Tres Bien.

p.s. I used to know a mancunian whose ethnicity of choice was orangé - her top tip was to apply the tanning gubbins with a sock, apparently it makes it marvellously even. Also I like the idea of you drunk at 2am with a sock on either hand frantically trying to even out your feet. x

Anonymous said...

why can't you alter spelling typos grrr?

surrealist - heaven forbid anyone thinks I can't spell.

screamish said...

ha ha!!!!!

Metropolitan Mum said...

Ahhh, Dadaism, again. And the subtle parfume of omelette. Divine!

lisahgolden said...

I repeated it. Now I need to remember not to do it in the dark either.

Mya said...

You just look a bit dirty, that's all, like you've been rummaging in the undergrowth looking for tortoises...which, let's face it, isn't that unlikely. Or is it? I want your shoes - keep them out of Weepette's way.

Mya x

Nikki said...

My darling, I must say that my sister's fake tan looks even worse, and she was stone cold sober. It's not so bad.

emily said...

ah ha, the evils of fake tan. To be fair, my legs are so pale as to be practically see through and therefore i should really find some that works... Like everyone else, i love the shoes :)

westendmum said...

Mais Jaywalker what beautiful shoes you have, all the more lovely for walking on pebbles. Do not attempt to pumice off -moisturise, moisturise, moisturise, and reapply.

Juci said...

I have seen much, much worse. On my own legs, arms, torso, you name it. It was in big patches so I looked like a giraffe. There is a picture, I'll try and find it for you, although why you would be interested is a question I am not pondering.
Anyway, start exfoliating NOW, and if you scrub really hard it will come off. Apparently, you should always exfoliate very thoroughly BEFORE as well. But who the hell has the patience for that? I mean, it's supposed to be quick, isn't it?

Anonymous said...

Forget it Jaywalker - it is just as bad if you do it sober. Fake tan is crap; I really ought to get it done at a salon, but can't be arsed.

Juci said...

To Completely Alienne: I have even had it done at a salon once, and even that was crap. Like, my front and back were all nice and tanned, but the sides were sickly white. Plus they couldn't do my cleavage properly because I was still breastfeeding. But I went to a wedding like that and nobody really noticed.

gina said...

I looked at these pictures and thought, "Huh, I really like those shoes." And then I looked at the comments and there are several other people saying they like these shoes. And now I am leaving a comment about liking the shoes. I am not the kind of person who thinks much about shoes, much less comments on them, and this distresses me greatly and yet here I am.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I was speaking to my coiffeuses the other weekend, well, they were talking over me, and saying that even those spray in the salon cubicle ones are horribly patchy, even if the assistante isn't spraying drunk - And you've got to sleep wrapped in a sheet like some weird larval form - You would hate it JW, stick to the tried and tested giraffe look like the rest of us human mortals! x

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