Wednesday, 24 June 2009


Someone rather woundingly said to me recently that they would not bother reading my archives because I was bound to end up recycling and repeating myself pretty soon. Of course it was mainly wounding because thus it has proved. IT IS TRUE. Today I am reprising a post from last July. Actually, I have just looked at this again, and sadly I did a much better job of it back then because brain shapes are intrinsically funny. Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself.

Ok. Back then I did a picture of the inside of my brain. I was very pleased with myself and found it amusing, but I was the only one. Sadly this has not deterred me from wanting to do it again, and from encouraging you - there are more of you this time, so I really hope someone takes me up on it - to do the same. It's fun! You can even use colours if you are so minded, or pictures or other visual stuff that has defeated me. I am hiding in the attic at the CFO's desk so am limited to moribund Staedtler Lumocolours. Also, I ended up doing a pie chart because the spirit moved me that way, and because I am sitting surrounded by the debris of a million powerpoint presentations with artfully shaded pie charts on every second page.

I also wanted to see how my brain has evolved in the last year, if at all, particularly with Things being as they are.

So. I sat down with my blue, faint Staedtler Lumocolour and sketched out the contents of my brain in my inimitably low tech and shitty fashion. Then I surveyed the results.

Last year:

This year:


I no longer care whether I am fat. I consider this an EXCELLENT development and am awarding myself the CBT medal of Marginally Less Stupidity.

Guilt does not currently play a large role in my life. This is strange and improbable. I suspect guilt has been subsumed into the new and shiny DESPAIR section, the Children section and the Unfocussed Anxiety section. It is not absent, merely hiding.

Apparently work no longer figures in my brain at all. Shoes no longer get a category of their own. Cake has become more elaborate and is escaping from the pie chart altogether.

The thundering new entry by inappropriate levity is, I think, to be welcomed. There are few situations that can't be improved by a little inappropriate levity, aren't there? Right? Uh oh, here comes the unfocussed anxiety again.

I am stopping here because it's fucking Wednesday again but go ON. Do it.


Evitchka said...

I think everyone should do one of these once a year. Great that death has moved out from the middle but it's good to have it peeking over your shoulder.(Carlos Castenadas and all that!) Levity I'm sure has a large appropriate section. I think next it is more appropriate that you should make a 'cake' not a 'pie' chart.

lucia martinez said...

this is just to say that, um, have been reading your archive and laughing to myself since, er, sunday. am dragging out the process because do not want to run out of archive. also am saving them for particularly low moments as they seem to be a magical drug.

Irene said...

I love your pie chart and although I take it very seriously, more so than last year's, I also find it amusing, because I like the funny way you look at yourself, with humor, yet so very accurately. I wish we all could do as good a job as that and be as truthful with ourselves.

I'm glad the guilt is gone, but I'm sorry for the anxiety, which is probably worse if its free floating and attaches itself to anything.

Cake is good and comforting, but too much will turn you into a bouncy castle, which is fun for the children, but not for your sex appeal and you do want to hang on to that, believe me, speaking as a former bouncy castle myself.

Despair is bad news and must be gotten rid off as quickly as possible, it will make you eat cake. Does it make you wring your hands and tear your hair out and wail like a banshee? Don't go out on foggy nights or when the moon is full. It escalates the effect. Lots of sunshine and twittering birds will clear that up. A week in the Provence, possibly. Or in the Hampshires. Just make sure there's a week's worth of sunshine.


monk said...

I am going to do this, as soon as I have a camera/scanner, or indeed a paper and pen. Or when I learn how to use some computer programme to draw with. Worst case scenario, I shall fashion my brain out of an endive, which is about as interesting as the real thing, and I'll send written instructions on how to recreate it your end. I assume you have ready access to a witloof?

The Spicers said...

I'm glad for the appearance of levity, Jaywalker and the temporary disappearance of guilt. (Are there any mothers out there who do NOT have an abundance of guilt?)
Sadly, my own brain would still be consumed with how fat I am. And cake, either eating it or not eating it.

Anonymous said...

If everyone's brain had a section in it devoted to inappropriate levity and cake we'd probably be far closer to World Peace.

Considering that just prior to this I was posting on my blog pictures of my highly bruised ass, diagrams of the brain can only lift up the tone.

(Here's my brain on flickr)

Mwa said...

OK, that seals it. I'm so following your blog from now on. I think we may be sisters.

Berelin said...

I’m following too … My brain looks a lot like yours last year – without the cake. Instead I have a large ‘celebrity mush’ section. This is where all the Britney-Spears-breakdown trivia gleaned from hours aimlessly surfing the internet when I should be engaged in quality time with my child/spouse/fellow euroserfs ends up. It takes up so much brain space and yet is so desperately futile – what’s the point of instant recall on D-list celebrity family conflict issues (spent a whole evening on Tori Spelling once) when in order to share it with anyone I would have to dispel the carefully crafted illusion that my surf time is spent in a heady whirl of current affairs and personal betterment? That said, though, this week is quite an exception because there’s actually some crossover between the ‘celebrity mush’ bit and the tiny pea-sized part of my brain dedicated to current affairs, global governance and world events generally; it’s as if the Berlusconi scandal is allowing the ‘mush bit’ to drip-feed the shriveled up ‘current affairs' bit to keep it up and running - albeit on lifesupport – just that little bit longer, so that – for the next month or two – I’ll be able to casually drop smatterings of Italian political trivia into all the dull europolitics conversations I end up being party to. Pathetic really.

Pochyemu said...

Oh Jaiwalquer, te adoro.

Margarita @ said...

Aww, I think I should try that, it's very eye-opening I suppose. I love digging through your archive, I just found your blog two months ago and go through it bit by bit. It's very entertaining :)

kathycastro said...

Waffle, I am quite impressed with the state of your brain, especially considering the state of Things! I, having too much time on my hands, have done a lovely pie chart of my brain for you.

What I find most remarkable is that my pie has no resemblance to what it would have looked like even two months ago -- just goes to show how quickly our brains move on. Even from Things.

My brain here:

The City Road said...

As it happens I was going to the Department of Self Absorption today anyway, so had the following scan done whilst I was waiting...

City Road - Cranial Scan

A quick look through my case history shows how many things have been erased; political engagement, naive certainty, O-level Maths and why exactly I said what I did, when it would have been much better to have said nothing and just agreed with you.


Technical Note - there is a section of my brain, hidden from the scanner, which contains the names of all the girls I've ever loved. Invoked by each name is a physical sensation which forces me to stop what I'm doing, and draw a breath.

BTW, original brain drawing is amongst my top 10 most favourite things on the site ever. More drawings & scans please...

Z said...

I can't do it. The only bit that didn't make me too anxious to contemplate was the big gaping hole of emptiness where rational thought used to reside.

westendmum said...

Not only do you have the voices but they are making you draw for them. Perhaps you could spend some time thinking of gorgeous holidays. Go on picture a deserted beach for five minutes. Now scream Help! Do please keep repeating yourself. And for anyone who doesn't read archives – you're missing out.

Red Shoes said...

These brain renderings are Best. Thing. Ever! I love them. All of them (I'm talking to you rainsinger, kathy castro and The City Road). I would do one of my own, but the idea is overwhelming me. Probably because my brain most closely resembles the Oscar's.

The Subtle Rudder said...

I am, as usual, a day late and a raft of brain cells short, but here's my mental map:

There's a link at the bottom for a larger version, since I'm blogging at the far edges of my technical expertise, and cannot figure out a more elegant way to let readers enlarge images. This will be helpful, though, since I have third-grader handwriting and tried to cram too much into a too-small space. Which is a lot like my brain, come to think of it.

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