Sunday, 24 May 2009

Tell me what you want and I will ignore you entirely

I don't suppose you will be terribly surprised that I am going to let you down and show you the Belgian election videos you have expressly pleaded with me not to show you. But they are wonderfully Belgian and I am still in a stew of ennui and gloom and cannot be trusted to form sentences which don't include reference to WOE. Also, I have changed the background colour so I DO LISTEN. Sort of. When it suits me.

Look.

First, the Greens who have added subtitling to an episode of (not even remotely) cult German import detective series, Derrick. The CFO's granny watches this every week, alternating with the virtually identical 'Renard'.



For the benefit of non French speakers, the subtitles go something like:


- So you're on the pull instead of out canvassing?
- I am just explaining to her how to create loads of green jobs
- She looks fascinated
- And how to insulate homes
- Are you seduced?
- Great! She's gone to vote!
- No, but the manifesto is great. They have 29 years of experience. Give me that pamphlet.
- Have you heard about the plan to create lots of employment opportunities in Brussels that can't be delocalised?
- No, should I?
- It's very good news for Brussels
- Would you like a drink?
- Yes!

Um, ok.

The second one, from a centrist MR candidate, needs little or no explanation. It is just some crazy bastard running through fountains SET TO THE BAYWATCH THEME TUNE.



I love this. It makes me happy. I want to emulate him, especially at the Square du Petit Sablon, which is seconds from work. I would, if it weren't for the forbidding parkies who lurk in their tiny shed behind a bush and leap out to mutter at you reproachfully you look at the grass in the wrong way.

Now. Enough of Belgian politics. Tell me something delightful or disturbing about your weekend. I am saving my lowest moment of the weekend for Confession, which I will be hosting here this coming Friday. I hope you will all be disgustingly bad for me.

23 comments:

M. said...

Something delightful: gossip and watermelon martinis - plenty of both.

Something disturbing: the sight of my bare legs in the late afternoon sun.

screamish said...

low point of the weekend for me- tonight. Silent but angry vegetable chopping noises from kitchen, all my fault. Pretty much living the relationship with my partner according to the title of this post. Bleah.

bevchen said...

Something delightful about my weekend? I now have lights in my flat. And a kettle! Not delightful enough? Tough... to me it is fabulous. And it's my comment, so nerr.

sue said...

Something delightful: 'We' haven't spoken to each other for 5 days; the epileptic mammoth is obviously ignoring his meds.
Something disturbing: I did housework today and the sewing machine has been dusted off and used. Result.

monk said...

Standing on the Pointe de Grouin in Brittany at sunset, looking across the Baie de Mont St Michel, vanillary, chocolaty gorse smell and the sea. Fat man lumbers past, ample wife in tow. Stop. Look. "Bah, c'est pas le Cote d'Azur, quoi.."
Turn and leave.

We stayed. And had Kir Bretons.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Something horrifique - Falling out with my loved ones while on a weekend in York - And walking against the hoardes, effing and blinding against the injustice of trying to plan a pleasant weekend away from home!

Wife in Hong Kong said...

Distressing: after having his tonsils removed on Friday 5 yo is refusing anything but the smallest amounts of ice cream. He is getting thinner by the hour and his breath smells like something the weepette left in the parc du caca. So much for mother knows best, I have no idea what to do.

kathycastro said...

Something disturbing? You want disturbing? Arriving home from my week in Hawaii to find the Amex bill from the retail orgy that was my lsat three weeks in London. Holy Mary Mother of God, if Gordon Brown doesn't offer me a life peerage for services to retail there is NO justice in this world. Let me just say it again -- Holy Mary Mother of God. Truly breathtaking. I have the vapours and have to lie down now.

Jaywalker said...

M - I am sure your legs looked perfectly lovely. Sun in Scotland? Are you sure?

Screamish - repeat after me: 'I have just had twins. I am allowed to behave like a total psychopath for the next 5 years'. You are doing AMAZINGLY. I mean, there are vegetables in your house! He hasn't actually left altogether and neither have you! Triumph. Many good thoughts to you xxx

Bevchen - no, I totally agree that a kettle is delightful.

Monk - Ho. I like. Also, you and I are reading the same Discovery of France book.

Woman - A weekend in York? You are mad. It is not a destination for harmony, unless every member of your family likes fat rascals and historical reenacting.

Wife in HK - poor poor 5 yo. I really hope he feels better soon.

Kathy - Hee! I do remember saying wonderingly to M a couple of times during The Last Days of London 'do you think that Kathy Castro is REALLY RICH?'. Now I know the truth.

monk said...

It's great, isn't it? I read it last year and have come back to it in attempt to retain more Important and Improving Facts than shepherds on stilts and drunken babies. Have you reached the drunken babies yet?

Mrs Jones said...

Here's delightful - I've just been inspecting my seedlings in the greenhouse when a very sleepy bee crawled up the side of the one of the pots where she'd been kipping overnight. She was resting on the top so I got some honey on a cocktail stick for her for breakfast! Watched her lap at it for some time before she buzzed away. I am feeling very smug for helping Mother Nature out. And bees have such lovely furry coats, I just want to stroke them.

screamish said...

ha! thanks xx!

Matthew said...

A friend was once arrested for swimming in the lake at Square Marie Louise. He didn't mind. He went on to become a director at the European Commission. Perhaps it's a secret path to riches.

I lost fifty euros in about the same number of seconds at the casino at Spa this weekend. That was pretty awful. The woman next to me was playing a hundred euros a hand, and losing badly. Which rendered disturbing into delightful.

tragicanon said...

delightful? i am spending the bank holiday weekend in brussels and it is exceeding all my expectations..
disturbing? i have to go home tomorrow morning, straight to work and what i'm 98% sure is an engagement ring, on my birthday, from the bf i don't think i like very much..
this week is shaping up to be painful..
think i might just stay here forever..

Jaywalker said...

Tragicanon! You are here? I would totally meet you for consoling drinks if you want. Email me if you are allowed out tonight. Not that I am, probably, after my whole week of freedom. Pah.

Jaywalker said...

Monk - I have not reached the drunken babies but I love them already. It sounds like the 18th century gin crises I used to particularly enjoy in my history degree, where people were always tossing their babies onto the fire mistaking them for logs.

Mrs Jones - I am imagining that and it is making my head hurt. Strange woman.

Matthew! Did you go to the Spa of Spa and have violet mojitos? I am very impressed at the swimming in Marie Louise. There are swans aren't there? Shows he is made of very stern stuff.

tragicanon said...

i wish i knew earlier!! i've got my sister with me and i think she has plans.. she always has plans.. usually involving me, her, city views and the sepia tone on her ridiculously expensive camera..
consolation drinks sounded good though..
oh well, i am definitely coming back, can't believe i've never been here before.. i am truly converted..
staying at the cafe pacific, and i want to hide in the room forever.. i'd swap london for this - anyday..

tragicanon said...

speaking belgians are ludicrously delightful.. our french isn't great but we tried with the taxi driver on the first night, the poor guy thought we asked him to drive us to "half past six" and then without any question started driving to some unknown location - when we asked why it was taking a good 45 mins to get anywhere he looked at us blankly, took our print out, drove us to the hotel and then charged us what seemed to me a pretty decent price considering he'd just circumnavigated what felt like the whole of brussels looking for 'half past six'... i love it here!! i want to stay..

Anonymous said...

Something disturbing - yes, I have this!

I'll post anonymously, because I am paranoid, but you may know me as the person whose name shows up frequently in your search results, although I still think that's crazy.

We spent the weekend with my in-laws. My BIL insists on "assisting" the children do everything they attempt - they are not allowed any independence. My SIL enjoyed reading her book. We cooked, we cleaned, we interacted with children, she read her book. But that's not the really disturing bit - the really disturbing bit is that my MIL had a surgery recently which causes her to only be able to eat small amounts. During each meal, she holds a small (glass! transparent!) cup and spits into it. What does she spit? Bile? Reflux effluvia? I can't look at it, I can't think about it, I try not to listen to it, it freaks me out SO MUCH. UGH.

JChevais said...

The French European election vids are boring!

The only one that was faintly amusing was the one for the "union des gens" (ie, loser guild?) which had a fellow that looked like he was doing brain damaged sign language in dirty jeans.

I loved how he reminded everyone to print out their ballots from the internet because they were so rogue (at least I assume) that their names won't even be on the ballot.

No idea who I'll vote for. Bother.

Iheartfashion said...

I would pay good money to watch your reenactment of that jog through the fountain, Jaywalker!

Gabriella said...

Hooray for Belgium! Our (American)political candidates never seem to come up with anything that fabulous. Except maybe ex-presidential candidate Mike Gravel.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rZdAB4V_j8
His video is pure genius.

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