Thursday, 30 April 2009

Weekend Meme from Bleach Towers

This is one I prepared earlier, stocking up posts for the looong May Bank Holiday weekend at the place where obsessive compulsive comes to get ideas. I stole it from Antonia.

1. Are you a male or female: Eh? Isn't it obvious? Was it the baldness that confused you?

2. Describe yourself: Entirely residing in my own head. Shy, with tiny but tenacious arrogant streaks. Great, abiding love of ridiculousness, and furry things.

3. How do you feel about yourself: Irritated, frustrated, hyper critical. Like a mentally abusive spouse.

4. Describe your parents: Huge over-achievers. Both from poor backgrounds, brought up in council houses, first in their family to go to university, both Professors.

Father: very important bearded scientist about whom I must not talk too much due to importantness. One day I will want to write a looong memoir about our relationship which is tangled and odd but rather a delight in parts. When he retires, if he ever does. Used to live entirely surrounded with peculiar animals - two goats, an escaped circus dog called Ratty, chickens, ferrets and a rabbit called Heraclitis - and drive a Smiths Crisp van. Misspent youth. Now terribly proper, but still secretly delighted by furry things, like me.

Mother: professor of social policy with particular focus on social, emotional and economic outcomes for unpaid carers, including child carers. Passionate about social justice. Glaswegian. Loved music, beautiful clothes, poetry, dancing on tables. Weakness for crisps. Very very soft skin. I miss the feel of it against my cheek almost more than anything else. Once sent me a beautiful bouquet of spring flowers to Oxford (where I had been endlessly, grimly miserable) with the message "Nearly time to come out Persephone". Damn, I just made myself cry.

5. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriends: ha, barely existent. They date from the time that dinosaurs roamed the earth. Only one of note:

Chris - student teacher to my 6th form student, and great love. Used to leave tiny slips of paper with typed (! I told you it was ages ago) messages on them hidden in my study which was breathtakingly romantic aged 17. Drove me around North Yorkshire to obscure pubs to get me drunk. Dumped me unceremoniously after about a year. Had a giant protruding jaw.

Also, Nick (First) - buck teeth, Yorkshire lothario and Karim (spoilt me for normal relationships by being a holiday romance in Casablanca. Drove me around Morocco. Desperately romantic. Short lived).

6. Describe your current boy/girl situation: CFO, beloved of these pages. French, 39, quite short, rather handsome, far neater and more virtuous than me.

7. Describe your current location: hideous back room, overlooking garden, home of piano, tortoises, crayons and currently a layer of brightly coloured plastic crystals used for making bouncy balls yesterday. Fingers is sharpening crayons painstakingly opposite me, Lashes is watching Pokémon. Oscar is roaming around wishing someone would take him out. The back yard looks nice though - this is its one week of the year to look good. Still some magnolia, lilac, the strange yellow tree is flowering, and our gigantic weed collection is lushly green. Did I just talk about gardening? Please kill me now.

8. Describe where you want to be: Tea at the Wolesley with Violet, Claridges Bar in good shoes. Bettys with my mum. On a pony. Liberty with money to burn.

9. Your best friend(s) is/are: terribly patient. Funny. Compassionate. As self-critical as I am.

10. Your favourite colour is: GREEN. So the children tell me repeatedly. In fact, for clothes, black. For shoes, red.

11. You know that: It's a Phase. It's always a phase.

12. If your life was a television show what would it be called: Let's not face the music, but hide in bed instead. It wouldn't be much fun.

13. What is life to you: Very perplexing indeed, veering between terrifying and joyful often in the same hour.

14. What is the best advice you have to give: Buy lots of pairs of scissors, small plastic bags and lots of stamps. Great for giving the illusion of being organised.

Try it yourself and give me the link in the comments. I'm curious.


Mrs Jones said...

Hmm, I've already done this one but in the ORIGINAL FORMAT which Antonia bastardised. You were meant to answer the questions using only the titles of songs from your favourite band. I'm not doing it again so it's no use asking. *pout*

Mya said...

I am having to stop myself laughing rather cruelly at the irony of you visiting CFO's OCD brother at a time of such hysterical, global handwashing. How do you manage it? I am afraid anyone who listens to Florent Pygmy is beyond help. Courage, my dear!
Mya x

Waffle said...

Bollocks this was supposed to be tomorrow. I AM SO CONFUSED. SO SO CONFUSED. GAH. It's the bleach.

Jenny said...

You've made me cry too,because my Mum used to do lovely,thoughtful things like yours and I miss her so much.You MUST bring back photographic evidence of your trip to make up for this...please.

Persephone said...

Well, I did your version. The original version sounds way too hard. (Which question could be answered by "I Wish I Was Your Mother"?)

Parisgirl said...

I can't do the meme, but the weekend sounds grimness itself so I thought news of Kiki might cheer you up. We went to see him in the winter hothouse with the sloths. You may remember it's a cruelly small and concrete but the old boy was on fine form and trying, vainly, to manoeuvre 120 kilos in a tight turning circle to chase the smallest tortoise in the house! I am trying to find out the date he and the others are moved outside because I have to see it.
Chin up; it'll soon be Monday!

Miss Whistle said...

Dear Jaywalker,

You make me cry often, and it was not just because of the reference to a dog called Ratty and Ratty was my favorite childhood dog.

Your version of the meme is far better than the random iPod version, which people cheat on anyway.

I love reading everything you write.

-- MissW x

Helen Brocklebank said...

good luck at Chateau de Cif

livesbythewoods said...

Done it. Hurrah! Now I feel special.

or indeed "asibille" which ought to be a real word.

indigo16 said...

Sad tart that I am, I quite enjoyed this one. If you are bored senseless then my answers are at
If it is of any consolation we endure the same slipper routine, His parents still had the plastic wrapper on 5 year old dinning chairs, which only proves the theory 'you can take the peasant out of the village , but not the village out of the peasant;

jools said...

Dear Em- Sorry,I'm not going to do this survey. I'm spent from a long month of weeping. Daughter's university is chosen. She's going to McGill in Montreal. So Big. So Cold. So Far. Logged THOUSANDS of miles at horribly high last minute fares to see schools. Finally facing the fact that my child is leaving home. Heartbroken. Happy to be back in Belgium and to see that the troubles have passed with your beloved CFO. Found out that I have only one neuro passage way and that it leads to self recrimination (or flagellation as my friend calls it.) Weeping will end soon I hope. Your blog will help. xoxo

jonathan said...

Ah, I couldn't do the meme thing as all the people I would be talking about would be reading. But I did find your one wonderfully eloquent and touching.

Anonymous said...

Hello - hope you have fogiven me for exposing your secret identity to the OCD clan... ick!

That said, when they make the movie of your life they have the theme tune which is good ya?

I have been good and actually done the questionnaire...

wafflebébé x

Anonymous said...

Gosh I do love a questionnaire... So I have taken up your offer and done it myself!
if you feel like a delve..

I have read your adventures with the in-laws from hell, I do hope you are home and recovering.
I totally empathise, if only we could hand pick our family-in-laws from a new and improoved brand stacked neatly and coherently on a shelf in a non dysfunctional supermarche.
Boxed up with extra life batteries and a full instruction leaflet on how to get the best from them.

The flip side is, coming home makes you all the more appreciative of what you have and who you are.
Rest easy.

westendmum said...

I am a domestic slut but I've found that baby wipes work well in small areas. Today I did the front of the cooker, 2 cupboard doors and a metre of floor. Enjoy sleeping in your own bed again. I didded your questions.

GingerB said...

I would pretty much do anything to make you write more, so I did your questions too. Glad your back and not quite tram-mled.

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Patent Attorney said...

Great answers! It sounds like you've had a lot of stress in your life, but take it from me, it sounds like you're doing great!

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