Saturday, 25 April 2009

Guess where

I can barely contain my glee.

Do you know what I love? I love THE SCARY BAT CAVES. And so, today, I am happy. Because, finally, I have been to visit my delightful nocturnal friends in their 12th century crypt.

Is this not the most delightfully furry little thing? It is. Mrs Trefusis loves bats and you know she has exquisite taste.

For the less adventurous, the SCARY BAT CAVES now have added elephants!

Given my self-appointed rôle as scratchy, neurotic Empress of darkness, I thought you might like to see that even my dessicated heart is gladdened by the smiling yet oddly melancholy face of an elephant eating apples. Look, that stretched expression on my face! Can it be? Surely not a smile?

Yes, in the scorched cavity where my soul should be, there is a great love of all things furry or feathery or scaly that are in some way amusing and delightful (defined very widely). There are always many, many creatures at the scary bat caves that I would like to fit in my handbag and take home.

"Look! The penguins!

So small and so accessible. Surely we can have one? Just one. We could fill the bath with ice".


"Or a baby goat? Look!

So tiny! Lashes has already caught it for us. Look at its tiny horns! It would make an excellent guard animal. Much better than the weepette".


"A vulture?"


"How about one of those teeny tiny monkeys? They have such convenient little hands. And so agile! It could hook back all the curtains that are falling down. Fingers has one well within his reach there.

If it could be trusted not to screech, it could tuck into my jacket. Just here, look"

"You remember what they eat?

No. I will not be responsible for feeding anything live mealworms"

"We could totally fit a baby capybara in the car"

"An adult even. The boot is surprisingly spacious for an Alfa. But I refuse to let our house become l'arche de Noé. You can't have a capybara"

"Think of it as taking full advantage of the entrance fee"


I left emptyhanded. But one day I just know I will crack, and sneak out with some furry trembly parcel under my coat and I will be caught by the front gates, totally unrepentant.


westendmum said...


The Spicers said...

Not sure about the bats, but the baby goat is adorable.

expateek said...

Wow! No, you are adorable. Look, you're so young! So fresh-faced! Exquisite.

The smile suits you. And such an unexpected gift to your fans, on a rainy Saturday afternoon.

ptooie said...

ahhh... you are in your element. And the blond near you looks so worried! I wonder why? Were you cackling with glee a tad too loudly?

Jessica K said...

I love the bats!
I want to take several home and have them live in my closet. I will name them Bela, Stiv, Siouxsie, etc.
I love the Belgian pic of the week - Lashes and Fingers look so apprehensive.

redfox said...

Bats! I love their chic, leathery yet furry and fluttery selves. Nothing can beat the way they wrap their wings around themselves and STARE. I feel a kinship.

Red Shoes said...

Ooooh, sweet, precious, adorable, enchanting bats! Please, get me one too. Please, please.

But more importantly, Jaywalker, you are SO LOVELY! Beautiful! Seriously, just gorgeous. Also, what is that stunning sleeve you are wearing?

I, too, visited the wildlife today. Alligators and egrets. Have taken photos. Will try to blog them if I don't get too lazy.

mothership said...

It took me several minutes to work out that the photo of you was the one with the elephants and you had not, in fact, taken a time machine back to the 1970's and were the pudgy faced little girl in a bad sweater next to your own son.
(Not taking any drugs currently, but perhaps I should?)
Lovely bats. Goats are only nice when they are tiny. Then they are best in curry.
Vote for capybara

Metropolitan Mum said...

Bats? You are a creepy waffle...

Helen Brocklebank said...

those bats are wonderful. Terrific pictures too.Bats feature large in my lottery fantasy-when I have my fabulous country estate, there will be a special grotto for bats to live in. Reminds me of a joke a vicar once told me: a baptist, a Methodist and an Anglican are having a coffee at the Lambeth conference. The baptist and Methodist are complaining about not being able to get rid of the bats in their respective country churches 'we've tried everything, 'and we're still stuck with them. What about you?' the ask the Anglican. 'bats?' he replies, 'no. Used to have a lot in the belfry but I soon got rid' 'what did you do?' ask his low church colleagues. 'simple, he replied 'I christened them, I confirmed them. Never saw them again'
These photos feature particularly fine specimens. And I love *all* the other creatures in the photos too.

bevchen said...

I really, really, really want a monkey!

Juci said...

Wow, Emma. You look stunning. I need to go back to the previous post and confess my envy.
I think a capybara is a very reasonable pet request. The CFO needs to see sense.

monk said...

Much I wish to say, but firstly, I have never been to bat caves, thus do not know whether the GREAT BIG FUCK OFF SHIP in the background of the elephants is something to be commented on or not. What the hell?

(there is a joke about the elephant in the room here, but I am too lethargic to think what it is)

Z said...

What a wonderful place. My favourite animals all together - bats, capybaras, elephants and penguins. I like baby goats too. If there happen to be iguanas or the odd warthog, my cup of happiness would overflow.

The Scary Bat Caves have been put on my must-visit list.

And you do indeed look young and pretty and lovely, and I'd like to see more of that sleeve.

livesbythewoods said...

Someone recently stole a baby penguin from (I think) Bristol zoo....I don't know if they ever found it again.

Was all quite worrying because it was too small to be away from its mother.

I need to find out now, it's making me feel sad.

Pochyemu said...

Yes, yes, I second the statement that you are very pretty indeed and therefore you have no grounds upon which to complain about your appearence EVER AGAIN. Leave it to the rest of us mingers.

Also, I would like to submit my order form for one bat, two little monkeys, and a baby capabyra. Please email bank acct details so I can forward you the funds for the shipping fee. I'm assuming one large dog crate should do the trick. If you state the animals on the shipping label, customs should be fine with it.

AND! Buy your children a baby goat. Those kids are obviously in DESPERATE NEED of a baby goat.

Waffle said...

W1 mum - so beautifully blue black!

Iheart - it was exceptionally sweet. And tame! So easy to catch.

Expateek - ha. It's the elephant technique. Stand next to an elephant to have your photo taken and look instantly fresh and peachy. I read it in Grazia.

Ptooie - the elephants were quite strong with the old apple grabbing. I think she was being a bit wimpy about it. We stole all her apples anyway.

Jessica - yes. Furry and adorable and dark. Mmmm. (bats, not children)

redfox - yes! and the angular bony bits in their wings are so delightful.

Red Shoes - PLEASE blog gators. Please? For me? The sleeve is my trusty Marks & Spencer jacket as featured in the surprise test capsule wardrobe.

mothership - capybara, the people's choice. And who could blame you?

Metropolitan Mum - Don't knock it until you've stroked one. They are a total delight.

Mrs Trefusis - perhaps you could buy the scary bat caves when you win? We could install a decent café. And maybe a cocktail bar. It would be perfection.

bevchen - my children can steal to order...

Juci - go to Paradisio. Stand next to an elephant. You too may look fresh and dewy.

Monk - the boat is always there. It's where the giraffes live. Duh. Oh! And the 'take your own', easy access turtles.

Z - it is really magnificent, I entirely recommend. If you ever stray into Belgium I will take you.

LBTW - oh, please will you come back and tell us if the baby penguin was ok?

Pochyemu - but your last capybara got stuck at Ascot station didn't he? Are you sure you want to try again? He was going to go for double espresso with you and everything..

Pochyemu said...

But! I went to the station to collect him, Paddington Bear style, and they said he never arrived! I asked them if they were sure, and they said yes, they distinctly remembered not having seen a baby capybara at Ascot station, attempting to buy an espresso from the station vendor. They said they definately would have remembered him as he would have had to ask the way to the nearest ATM as he would only have Euros in cash, and the espresso vendor doesn't accept cards. I am assuming he must have been delayed, and decided not to bother in the end as he would have had such difficulty with the language barrier, being French-speaking Belgian of course. Perhaps it was for the best as capybaras suffer terribly with culture shock. They are rather set in their ways, after all...

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