Sometimes by 'rebellion' I mean small time criminality. In another few years, I will be seized by the security guards in Delhaize shoving lightbulbs and packets of toffees down my tights, like a low rent Belgian Winona Ryder. And worse, I will be totally unrepentant.
1. Taking the teacup from the meeting room at the conference of doom today and putting it in my handbag.
2. Faredodging on the clanking useless stupid trams. Because unless they give me back the good trams, and not the rickey pre-war ones with rationing sized doors, I will not pay. Also, the four lone inspectors for the Brussels region were on my route last week, so I am safe until at least 2016.
3. Taking the dog to bed with me, even if it doesn't want to come in defiance of House Rule #1.
4. Walking out of the most boring sessions of the conference of doom (hard choice! so many contenders!) several times today looking purposeful and carrying a piece of paper, when in fact I was only going to lie on floor of ladies and doze.
5. Prominently displaying my Glenn Baxter postcard entitled "The Wonder Book of Boredom Vol. 1: Fun with 2 Eggshells" on my Corridor of Ennui desk. (Also, not doing my timesheets, ever, but only fellow legal zombies will know the true transgression this constitutes)
6. Choosing to believe Lashes' blatant lie about not having homework tonight.
7. Purloining teaspoons everywhere and anywhere (well, not other people's houses. That would be rude). I say "purloining" in the hope that the authorities will not know that this means "steal".
8. Throwing away 1 and 2 centime coins sometimes, instead of collecting them in a giant jar until I am a millionaire.
9. Stroking people's fur coats in the street and on the tram. I don't want one, I promise. I just can't help reaching out to touch them. They demand to be stroked.
It's a bit lame, isn't it? Can you suggest some slightly more exciting ways that I can inject a very small note of spontaneity and danger into my life? I exclude nothing in principle but will consider only minor felonies. I am after all a member of the Law Society of England and Wales, and could be struck off for crimes of dishonesty (by which token, apparently, murder is fine as long as I don't lie about it afterwards).
Dare me! I dare you.