Sunday, 29 March 2009

Note to self: delete this self-indulgent dross in the morning

I really, truly couldn't cope with today. I was wrenched awake at just the wrong time from a lovely, elaborate hyper-real dream that made real life seem pale and harsh and unrelenting. I have been trying to get back there all day.

No luck.

So here I am, and it's midnight and I'm churned up and homesick and missing lovely Violet before she's even left. And lovely Violet is six months pregnant with her first baby and it makes me wistful for that hopeful, magical time just before Lashes was born. I feel like a grubby, broken version of the person I was back then, seven years ago.

Oh, and I'm wishing I had never decided to read Revolutionary Road.

Shut up Emma. Here are some pictures. I'd give them captions if I had a brain left.

(Seconds after I had to remonstrate with Fingers for smacking Oscar's bottom. I swear, they are both mocking me)

(I think I like his Harpic legs best. )


I love the challenges you offer, Dave the Dinosaur. Working on the last one, but in the meantime, here is the requested weepette sizing guide. My glamorous assistant got slightly carried away with the fork, inevitably.

(I love the look of terror here as the ketchup balances, sword of Damoclese-like, above his head)


expateek said...

Well, DEFINITELY don't read The Road by Cormac McCarthy, then!

So Lovely said...

Maybe something in pill form could get you back to the dream. Well, its worth trying.
And perhaps that would help with the homesickness, which is the worst!

Laura Jane said...

There's something about feeling wistful that completely sucks.

And I would imagine that Revolutionary Road would be a very unsettling and unsuitable book/film for you to digest a ce moment.


A Woman Of No Importance said...

Read and watch joyous things, JW, when you are feeling vulnerable - Not the 'worthy' stuff you feel you ought to be reading - There will be time for all that guff when the kids are bigger and you are far stronger, trust me, trust me (I've been there - Writing to the TV when they showed a particularly poignant and tragic documentary when I was sitting nursing Grizz as a tiny babe in arms) - You are missing nowt, my darling!

That is a beautiful moment you have captured, by the way...

Word Verif: Zoodauts - Belgian Astronauts, with animals like the half cocked Cockerel?

Liberty London Girl said...

A hug, that's what I'm whisking through the ether to you RIGHT NOW.LLG xx

mothership said...

that bit before the first baby is so much nicer than the bit right after you've had the first baby and you realise that the train has left the station and you can never, ever get off. You're still in the lovingly washing tiny babygros and full of hope stage.
The loss of hope is what is so damning. I think that's the root of ennui is, isn't it? I am too apathetic this evening to check definitions but this is what my small, sad brain is telling me anyway.
Leave that FUCKING DEPRESSING BOOK alone and go and read something uplifting and inspiring that might actually make you feel like you could do something good for yourself. Then please send me back this comment and tell me to do the same thing. I will also ignore your advice.

Mutter said...

My best friend came, and went, recently so I know where you're at. You could always kidnap Violet next time she visits.

Dave said...

I am confused by Weepette's size. One minute he seems large and juicy, the next small and barely a mouthful.
Please provide a picture of Weepette next to something that can help me gauge his scale, like, say, a spit roast, or a nice roasting tray. Or perhaps a bottle of BBQ sauce.

Titian red said...

Gaahhh ! What made you think RR might be a good idea ? Even seeing the clips at the cinema made for very hard watching.... then again I did blub thro "Mama Mia" because they all seemed so sparkly and happy, in a sparkly, happy place I knew I wouldn't get to so maybe I over-react ? So sad you are feeling glum, and it sucks when good dreams fizzle out, at least Oscar can give you weepette love (even if that requires pain au chocolat first)

G said...

Love the photo. It's like a 21st century take on a 19th century portrait of master and faithful hound.

Pochyemu said...

Listen, we watched 'Mr. Bean's Holiday' or whatever it's called last night and that was the best thing I could have done to pull myself out of my funk. It's silly, funny, and mostly in French so the small beings in your house would like it. Try it, you'll feel better. Plus, you'll feel like a kid, watching it.

Juci said...

Oh my God, I started reading Revolutionary Road last week and I got sick after twenty pages. So bloody painful, not what I needed when I was trying to take a (small and well-earned) break from writing my effing thesis (which is coming along quite nicely, to my greatest surprise). I recommend Glenkill by Leonie Swann, or something by Neil Gaiman perhaps.

Juci said...

Also, I like the mechanical entity with the Harpic legs. Does it have a name? (And correct me if I'm wrong, but does it only have one, um, hand?)

Jessica K said...

I havent been able to read anything sad or painful for years, esp. anything where anything bad happens to children (Wuthering Heights = rampant child abuse and cruelty).
And I have those vivid, lovely dreams all the time, only to be dragged into morning reality by an 11 year old tickling my feet to wake me at 5 am (the school bus gulag).
Thank you for touching the holy tortoise shell - I feel better.

WV is catculle - isnt that something very rude?

Dave said...

Wow. Efficient as always, Your Icingsugarness.
I'm still confused though. In exhibit 1, Weepette's head is as big as a pea. In Exhibit 3, we have a bowling ball on our hands. What is going on here?? Is your sofa a strange, Escherian device. I am intrigued. And hungry.

Helen Brocklebank said...

Don't read revolutionary road: read Sylvia Plath. Much cheerier.

katyboo1 said...

How about the instructions for some flat pack furniture. It will transmogrify your sadness to rage which will sweep you onward and upwards.

Have sent Voice of the Beehive if that helps cheer you?


monk said...

oh, it's the worst hangover of all when people come from a shiny, exciting, (probably London-based) life and then cruelly leave you all alone. Invite some more people quickly. Or don't let this one go. Or leave with her. I've done all three.

I like the actimel zizi best in photo 2, I think. It's very wholesome.

Waffle said...

Expateek - new photo?! I like. V glam. No. Lucy Fishwife says all books with 'road' in are harrowing. Think correct.

So Lovely - yes, a good plan and one I endorse. Dog worming pill not successful. Will keep looking.

Laura Jane - yes it does, doesn't it? It's not heartbreak, but it's a sort of low level ache. Wearing. Given up on sad, though v well written book for disposable nonsense.

Woman - yes, overestimated by mental strength, clearly. Back to Aunts aren't Gentlemen..

LLG - oh, perfect. It was exactly what I needed and didn't even get captured by evil Belgian posties.

Mothership - hell YES. I have never been in a happier bubble than during my first pregnancy. Sigh. Advice duly returned.

Wife in Hk - I should, shouldn't I? Cruel but necessary.

Titian - Marie (woman who talked too much) recommended SO fervently and I respect her excellent taste. Had not conjured with the whole veeerrry near the knuckleness. Duly abandoned.

G - I am glad. I thought it was very Gainsborough too..

Pochyemu - I might watch some French insect programmes. they are aces.

Juci - the curse of RR! It should come with a health warning.

Jessica K - catculle is the face the old ladies on the tram make when you mistakenly thwack them with your bag. Think I'm wearing a groove in HTTM's shell!

Dave - he's a magic eye weepette.

Mrs T - or Charlotte's Web, even. That's a killer.

Katyboo - an excellent suggestion, and oddly enough I am reading the Belgacom tv installation instructions and they are very invigorating indeed. grrr.

Monk - yes. Everything should come with an actimel zizi, I feel. Good bacteria and all that.

The Spicers said...

RR seems a bit too close to the bone for me, suburban misery and all that.
I prefer to read memoirs about people who are worse parents than I am so I can congratulate myself on not being THAT BAD.

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