Friday, 13 March 2009

Me? Oh, nothing special

When the CFO comes home tonight, and asks me what I have been up to, I will have nothing to say. Because I can't really see myself saying the following:


Well, first darling, I accepted a very silly, hysteria inducing childish online dare from Mrs Trefusis that will probably get me into heaps of trouble. No, I'm not telling you any more about it, because you'll shout at me. Then I spent a lot of time researching the dare and putting it into action. If I allow it to, it will probably suck up most of my time for the next week or so, and you will hear me childishly snickering from the back room as you watch tv. That will be annoying, won't it?


Then I worked on my dare from We Are Dinosaurs (have meeting on corridor of ennui with inflatable dinosaurs, etc.). Oscar is far from impressed with the dinodog outfit.










We are going to have to do a lot better. Also, did you throw those inflatable dinosaurs away? Because I need them.

UPDATE: And then, the dinosaurs said it wasn't good enough and he needed a tie, so we used your blue Mulberry one. Hope that's ok.



How did we keep him still? Oh, parma ham.



You don't wear it often, do you?




I also entirely failed to follow through on the sentence you imposed on Lashes this morning, that if he stayed off school with "sore throat" he must spend the day in bed. I mean, seriously? You can't say that unless you're the one who has to enforce it. No fair! After the ninety eighth pathetic fluting query as to whether the morning was over, I cracked. So yes, while I wrote a piece of nonsensical fluff about why I need a robot double which will probably earn us about €11, he had tv. Even though he's almost certainly faking and seems fine and was mostly worried about his dictée. Lunch? He had Pringles, 4 chocolate biscuits, a few grapes and some gummy worms. I ate your flan. Sorry. We had lots of fun watching Oscar roll a grape around the house though. You should really try it.




After that, we did Lashes' homework and he was pretty rubbish, but somehow I ended up agreeing to buy him a rare Pokemon card if he read 10 sentences. He did. So we tried to buy the card, but you wouldn't BELIEVE how expensive it was, so I am sort of hoping he forgets, which is never going to happen. So I am pretty much screwed.




What's that? I obviously haven't washed, I'm wearing the trousers of death and no bra? Yeah. That's right. I have no pants on and I haven't brushed my teeth either, actually, because I kept thinking I'd have time to wash, but I was too busy with the stupid dares. It was fun though! Who needs to wash?




Dinner? Um, no idea. Shall we see if there's anything in the freezer? Or, um, there's a tin of tuna I think. Or pizza? Cheese on toast? Can I just leave you to it? I have to see if I can find the dinosaurs.

How was your day, darling?

But the great thing is, today the CFO went to buy a motorbike, so he won't care.


What are you hiding from your loved ones tonight?

27 comments:

fourstar said...

Two pints of dry cider in the Rack & Tenter at lunchtime. I did win £70 at the bookies on the Cheltenham Festival though. So that too, then.

katyboo1 said...

going to the pub with my friend for lunch and eating far too much food. Also renewing my RSC membership even though we are supposed to be saving money.

screamish said...

the fact the big translation ive been working on for a week is in fact only about 15 sentences long. but bugger it, he can try it with bloody two little babies vomiting carrot at him every five minutes...and how am i supposed to know about pyrotechnical safety regulations in English anyway, not fair...

also, amount of time i spend on THIS blog snickering

Jessica K said...

I have put an incredibly expensive but lovely coat on hold, am telling myself it is an anniversary present.
I am at work for a big meeting even though I am sick, so have spent the morning in fantastic three way emails with 2 of my best friends, but I consider that saving my strenght for a meeting with a bunch of blowhards where I cant even roll my eyes without it being noticed.

Mrs Jones said...

That I've just cancelled my monthly standing order for horse riding. He didn't know that I'd set one up in the first place or how much it was for, so I'm being good by cancelling it which would earn me praise but avoiding the scolding I would get for paying out such a large amount of money per month in the first place! Is confusing, non? Oh, I'm still going riding but will pay by cash now so won't feel guilty if I don't go. Sorry, this is very dull I know. I promise I'll try and be more interesting. Oh, I know, how about this:

Think of 20 albums that had such a profound effect on you that they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that, no matter what they were thought of musically, shaped your world.

There, that should keep you busy for a while....

Jools said...

Where to begin? The fact that my oldest daughter needs to find a new place. (Her roommate got married and the new husband has moved in!) But I found her a great single with a wood burning fireplace and a balcony for $895. Oh, and we have to pay for it as she still can't support herself and I've been giving her a grand a month for years now anyway....
And that the cute new clutch from Barney's was $425. (I'll return it!) And I know you haven't worked in a few months and our retirement savings was slashed nearly by half and that our youngest is going off to (a most likely very expensive) college next year. And that most of the t-shirts I buy are $50 to $90 and every time I get a mani-pedi it costs around $70. cause they talk me into some kind of exfoliating treat and a 10 minute massage. That I throw away so much food even I am ashamed. And you still have no idea how much $$ I paid for our Cavalier spaniel (OUTRAGEOUS). Or that when I say I'm taking him to dog training...I don't. Sadly, I could go on and on and on.

sue said...

I shall be hiding the big plastic bag full of cigarettes and alcohol which I shall purchase from the offy tonight on my way home from a truly nasty day at the office in which the Chief Exec tore me a new one several times before lunchtime. BTW, which card is it? The Child has about 5 trillion knocking around the house and he has grown out of that phase. Any use to you?

justme said...

Sometimes its good to be single. So I don't have to hide it from anyone, that I took today off sick,cancelling a meetinf, even though I actually feel better today than than I have in a week. I didn't stay in bed either. I took myself off shopping for several lovely new items of clothing and some exceedingly expensive Creme de La Mer face cream. So there!

mothership said...

I have yet to commit any sins that I shall hide today as it is only 9am and I am surrounded by sick children (limited access to badness), but considering purchasing Kindle 2 and claiming it was present from father when it arrives on Monday from Amazon (do this a lot, how very generous my unknowing parent is..)

Omega Mum said...

And what did he say about the tie? And I need more about the dare, too.

More than Just a Mother said...

Well, first my lover came round for a morning shagathon, then the maid joined us for some three-way action.

Well, it's better than detailing the seventeen disgusting nappies I've changed, and the trip to A&E after the Toddler slammed one of the baby's fingers in the door hinge, causing me to be sick in my hands in horror.

Your day sounds a lot more fun than mine was.

Liberty London Girl said...

As I lack a loved one, you will have to do my dear. Didn't wake till 1130 owing to rampant insomnia. Played on internets all day instead of writing life changing novel. LLGxx

Asitis said...

Nothing too out of the ordinary.
Although a couple of Selfridges' bags may have inadvertantly ended up in the boot of my car (purchases, not shoplifting I hasten to add - that, I would have been proud of!). Other than those minor considerations nothing. I don't care enough about anything today to consider it worthy of hiding.

Gabriella said...

I am hiding the fact that I've purchased no less than eight pairs of shoes in the past month. EIGHT! I keep moving them around so that they aren't in the same place at the same time. It's not even his money, but I don't want to have my "shoe problem" pointed out to me by the man who can't stop buying motorcycles. Would lead to epic grouchiness on my part and possibly shouting.

Mrs Trefusis... said...

Heh heh, well, of course I won't be telling him what you and I cooked up...mostly I will be hiding the fact that my spare phone connects to the internet, so that when he confiscates my Blackberry to stop me playing with twitter and the internets, I still have secret access (from the broom cupboard where I am 'tidying up') tee hee.
PS: WV is hyrangst. You are the best antidote to higher angst I can think of

Red Shoes said...

I've been being spectacularly good this trip. Even though we went to Bloomingdales and H&M yesterday, I didn't buy a single thing (as opposed to last time I was here). Not one. And even though we passed Cocoa Bella TWICE, I did not go in and buy $45 worth of clandestine chocolates that I never told her about like last time.

The trip is not over yet though. And I am very, very bad at being good. No telling what trouble I could still get into.


P.S. to More Than Just A Mother, OMG what a horrible day!

Pearl said...

I LOLed all the way through this, and I rarely LOL.
I will be unable to hide anything tonight. I have a public reading (30 minutes of potential humiliation and blank stares!) in four hours and he'll be there.
My nerves kicked in 33 minutes ago. Only four hours to go!
Pearl

p.s. Oh, and I smoke cigarettes on the porch when he's not around...

Oakville Mum said...

While dinner is bubbling away I frequently let the children take all the cushions off the couch and jump on them (strictly frowned upon by hubby) then sneak downstairs with a glass of wine to play on the world wide interweb....that I have racked up almost $2000 on my "secret" credit card online shopping in the last week. I have developed a somewhat disturbing crush on ZAC EFRON--I'm 32 so this is definitely NOT on. LLG's post about Robert Pattinson particularly timely. Roll on spring....

Jaywalker said...

OMG, this has turned into the Confessional in another guise! Magnificent.

Fourstar - How very Old Man of you. Unless you spend £70 on whale song CD and massage oil.

Katyboo - RSC membership comes under books exception. It's the rules.

Screamish - fifteen sentences must feel like War and Peace when you are dealing with projectile carrot. Totally justified.

Jessica - can I hear more about the coat please?

Mrs Jones - hmm. Will reflect. I am a bit of a musical moron though and often prefer silence. Mmm. Silence.

Jools - you must come back for confessional. I feel you need penance. dogs are stupidly dear. I keep telling oscar that at that price I want some unconditional love, but he looks at me reproachfully and hides.

Sue - oh yes. YES YES YES. PLEASE. Told Lashes of your offer then had to peel him off the ceiling. Thank you!

Justme - ooh, hooray, good for you.

mothership - I am sure you will catch up. I don't know what Kindle is but I hope it is very bad.

Omega Mum - you'll have to email... My lips are sealed. Libel laws and so on.

More than a Mother oh good lord Nathan, you need an drink/drugs/sex orgy worthy of a premier league footballer to get over that.

LLG - second part of that described my life in past 3 months. Bugger. We should make a pact.

Asitis - (I have been pronouncing that to myself like a disease and have only just spotted the alternative prononciation) contents of bags, please?

Gabriella! I am impressed. Give me an idea of price point please. Are we talking New look, Office, Pierre Hardy?

Mrstrefusis - one day he's going to look in that cupboard and be verrry suprised. Same to you. angst impossible.

Red shoes - you are allowed to get up to all manner of badness. I say so.

Pearl - public reading! Wow. I think you might need a sneaky cigarette .

Oakville Mum - oh, marvellous. I do feel better for that. Many forbidden (by CFO) things going on here too. Don't say Robert Pattison, I am getting worried LLG and Red Shoes will start fighting.

fourstar said...

I know, I am extremely ashamed. I have been taken over by the spirit of Bernard Manning. Eewwwwww.

sue said...

Am scared they will be the wrong season/generation/lifetime, but will email you and post them. Please tell Lashes that I really didn't mean to disappoint him and he is welcome to berate me... sorry in advance x

Jessica K said...

Brown mini trench, pin strip lining, ruffles at the neck and placket. Almost a weeks salary, which means that I am either shockingly underpaid or it is too expensive or both.
But it makes me feel like Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
This lovely girl who owns this store will hold stuff for me because she knows I love, love clothes but am broke. She is my pusher!

pinklea said...

I have a secret stash of chips that I can wolf down and not ever have to share. I went there today (it's been a LONG week) and to my great surprise, found a bag of Hawkins Cheezies there as well! I have no idea when I put it there, but it was obviously many weeks ago. I felt guilty, so for penance, I shared a few - just a few. Then I scarfed down all the rest as fast as I could. I am absolved.

mothership said...

Kindle2 is Amazon's proprietary ebook which enables you to download books in 60 seconds and you can carry around a library of 1500 books with you at any given time. Plus if you can't be arsed to read it it will read it to you (OR YOUR CHILDREN) and is light, not backlit therefore easy on the eye, and fits in a handbag. I am a technoslut and I just WANT ONE. $359 which is a lot considering I have quite a few other pieces of 'essential' electronica which sit around not getting charged or taken anywhere. And it won't stop be buying paper books either.
Husband annoyingly came home and took me out for lunch which completely ruined my day of sitting in bed with the cat and playing on the internets in my pyjamas so I haven't ordered it yet, but he's working now so I may just sneak over and do it while he's not paying attention.
Anyway, thought I'd tell you so you'd understand my jones.
my wv is ranntic
I think that pretty much sums me up

Mum's the word said...

My loved one is currently (and forever more) a 5 1/2 year girl and I'm hiding a chocolate treat that I'm planning on having tonight once she's in bed. Trouble is, is that she found it about an hour ago and asked what it was.
Guilty!!
Loved you post.

Lisa said...

Well, the BIG secret I was hiding was blown wide apart when MathMan checked the phone bill and saw lots of the forbidden number.

After that all the little secrets just don't seem to matter ;-D

Jaywalker said...

Four star - I want you in some foot shaped shoes baking a quiche stat.

sue - you are an angel. they will be perfect I am sure.

Jessica - Oh, it sounds a totally essential purchase. You have my blessing.

pinklea - you shared your secret chip stash? How saintly are you!

mothership - get it. call it 'research'. Useful non-specific term.

Mum - I hope you said it was 'medicine'.

Lisa - aiee. I remember about that from confessional. Er, thinking of you. Hope you sort it out. xxxx