Thursday, 19 February 2009


Having something of a dark night of the soul at the moment, precursor to skiing trip, I suppose. I'm just finding myself such irritating company. I am so STUPID! Like, mind-blowingly, head slappingly stupid.

I mean, seriously, what would you call someone who does the following?

.. eating something horrible because the bin is too far away to throw it out.

.. playing football in muddy back yard in Lanvin suede ballerina flats because too lazy to find trainers.

.. having to go down three insomnia compounding flights of stairs to check the time in middle of night because they have hidden the alarm clock in the basement for making such an obnoxious noise.

.. expecting a six year old to be able to keep a secret.

..keeping cheques until they are too old to cash, not claiming expenses because too lazy and/or embarassed, allowing luncheon vouchers to expire unused.

.. not checking work voicemail ever because the the way the red light on the phone winks is inexplicably scary.

.. deciding that midnight on Sunday is the perfect time to clean the kitchen cupboards.

.. Never leaving until the last minute something vital that could just not be done at all, whatever the apocalyptic consequences.

.. Missing talking to someone but being unable to conquer irrational fear of the telephone.

..Being so late to collect a much-wanted parcel that it has been returned to sender.

.. Failing to notice dog eating cash card, Anya Hindmarch silver shoes, ticket to get trousers back from menders until whole lot buggered. Why? Because busy staring into space and self-flagellating for lack of productivity.

.. Worrying at cold sore on lip until it bleeds, making it look even worse.

.. Owning an annual tram pass but buying tickets anyway due to having lost said pass and being incapable of going to replace it.

.. getting too low and tired to cook as a result of eating crap and staying up late. Not cooking. Eating more crap and staying up later. Wishing to beat self to death with packet of biscuits but not having the energy and all biscuits already eaten.

I have probably just tipped over from 'mildly entertaining eccentric' to 'OMFG sad, crazy woman', haven't I? But before you tiptoe out, shaking your heads, could I ask you to leave me one stupid thing you do in the comments box, anonymously if you prefer. Imagine me looking at you pleadingly with my stupid stupid eyes. Whilst picking at my cold sore.


Anonymous said...

I had a huge block about filing my tax return. It wasn't even complicated. The block lasted 8 years and cost me £12,000 in fines. Nice one. £12,000 would have dug me out of about a thousand even bigger holes. That's quite stupid, isn't it.

Anonymous said...

Blimey you must stop, repeat stop, beating yourself up.

I found your post heart wrenchingly familiar.

Take a minute to think one good thing about you.

Anonymous said...

We all have those moments. Mine include:

- not checking voicemail messages because it has been so long that I'll be too embarrassed to return any calls

- having to go into dry cleaners and ask 'I haven't left anything here have I?' because it has been so long and I've lost the ticket

- having a handwash jumper that has been in my laundry basket for 2 whole years..

....I could go on, but I'm getting embarrassed.

Anonymous said...

Only one stupid thing is pretty hard, I can relate to almost everything on your list, but I can also totally relate to Mud's hand-washing-laundry-basket thing. I've just moved house and in the process found a handwash-only t-shirt on the floor UNDER my laundry basket which must have been there for a good few years (I lived there eight years in total, so use your imagination).

I then absent-mindedly put it in my last wash of the old house anyway. It came out fine, so I basically wasted 8 years' worth of nice t-shirt. Genius.

Fat Controller said...

Take heart. I, too, can tick most of those boxes or at least come up with something analagous. I have in my wallet, in my pocket, at this very moment, two free tickets to the cinema which are now dog-eared beyond both recognition and barcode scanning, which I am sure expired 18 months ago in any case, and which I have been meaning to look at for the last week to make sure, but still haven't.

justme said...

I NEVER check my voicemail at work. I am not sure I know how to?
I cannot pick up the phone to cancel my gym membership which is costing £64 a month.
I could go on with a list as long as yours but am starting to feel anxious, just thinking about it!

Fat Controller said...

And I mis-spelled 'analogous' recently

JChevais said...

Your first point made me think of the new advert for the Cyprien film coming out here in France: "Cyprien, tu manges le sandwich? La poubelle est plein."

I fecking hate voicemail. I spend all day on my arse waiting for something to do and the ONE time I go to the loo, I get a call from my boss accusing me of goofing off by being away from my post.


Anonymous said...

Just one stupid thing?I have gift vouchers from shops that no longer exist,uncashed cheques-even though,apparently, they're valid for six years.I've asked for a return ticket at the railway station without stating where I'm going to (just knew I wanted to get back home).Procrastination is a guilt-inducing mind killer.

Anonymous said...

Very similar to you, my dear. My paralysing fear of the telephone has seen one child miss free, government sponsored teenage dental visits,baby miss immunisation etc, etc.
I am currently sitting on more than one three-month-old cheque,
I keep forgetting to empty my PO Box and now I am too scared to go because I think the box rental has expired and I have missed it and I can't face all the headache that might mean. Need I go on?
I'll do you a deal, I'll try to take it easy on myself (give myself a day off, if you will) and you do the same. Perhaps we will both get some sleep?

JChevais said...

But I suppose that I should leave a "I'm so stupid" thing?

Getting the call from the electric company telling me that I've forgotten to pay the bill AGAIN and then going through the humiliation of giving my carte bleue number to a machine...

Also, I'm desperately bad in sending in my Social Security doctor forms for reimbursements. I think I have five in my bag right now...

Also, when am I going to get up the gumption to call a divorce lawyer if that is where all the cards are pointing? Because I'm not willing to admit defeat which is sort of like flogging a dead horse.

It's been a bad morning...

Sarah said...

Have done all of yours (except the ones involving nice shoes, only because I don't have any nice shoes), and the only difficulty with adding one of my own to the list is choosing WHICH ONE to share, of the many, MANY other repetitious stupidities that leave me staring at the ceiling in the small hours of the morning, castigating myself for ever having been born. Let's see, how about this one-- I do the school run EVERY morning in the yoga leggings I slept in, with wet hair, because I simply can't accept the fact that if I get in the shower at 8:25, there is simply no chance of being able to wash, dress, style hair, brush teeth, and put on makeup before we have to walk out the door at 8:44. I have been doing this for four years now- and why do I not get in the shower until 8:25? Because I can't bear to wait until AFTER the school run to check e-mail, Facebook, blogs, news, etc...

Teena Vallerine said...

ordering much coveted books from the library to avoid buying too many on limited resources, only to keep them too long and ending up with fines which mean I could have bought most of them twice over - even the ones which turn out to be crap! t.x

Anonymous said...

ooooh... i do pretty much all of these apart from the ones involving the weepette..
my most stupid atm is the whole cycle of foood thing - i am grumpy and tetchy because i dont eat, then when i do eat i eat crap, then curse myself for the fact that i have put weight one, which leads back to not eating....
i wouldnt mind, but i have a gym five mins from home, and memebership....but can never be bothered to go...even though i know it makes me feel good!

Welsh Girl said...

Step into the light Jaywalker. You are normal! I could have written that list about me (not the clock in the basement but only 'cos I don't have a basement).

However, if it helps, I have filled my car with petrol, when it is a diesel car. 3 hours and a £150 later how stupid did I feel? I've shrunk my only cashmere polo neck because I couldn't be bothered to hand wash it. The list could go on but it is too depressing. I shall go and eat chocolate for lunch to make myself feel better.

Kate said...

"forgetting" email and voicemail.

eating crappily. chocolate for dinner last night.

i haven't filed my taxes yet... or made an appointment. or gotten them together. and every year i say i will be more organized. it's going to cost me so much money that i actually have nightmares about it.

waiting to buy plane tickets so they are way more money.

never used a gift certificate for a facial and a massage.

and i haven't resubmitted papers in order to get free money. nor have i sent in papers to our medical insurance so they have that money too.

WV is angst. i'm not kidding.

JPM said...

There are so many. Going on a jag of consuming only sweetened coffee and hot chocolate one after the other for three days until I start to feel like everyone that loves me in my life are just stifling idiots (they are actually wonderful) who I can't hear the sound of their voices for one more instant and acting like an ass towards them (even if mostly in my head). That hasn't happened in a while, but not quite long enough...

The winter is the hardest for me, when it is grey and rainy I sometimes just get stuck and stupid out. Also sometimes it is a monthly cyclical wave of stupid.

And who will shake me by the shoulders and tell me this is no way to do things? Not husband. Not mother. Only me. I recognize though, that mental health issues and depression happen in my family, and I am not immune..and try to get happy by rearranging the furniture, and if that needs to happen at midnight, well, I try not to wake anyone. So be it. or get assistance.

THAT SAID, I BELIEVE THAT many so called "stupid" actions are just unconventional or impractical, which is not a crime. Not everyone can let go and manage this a certain level of creativity, even if you held a gun to their head.

Your blog is grand and your funny honesty is inspiring.

Belle said...

No idea what you are talking about. It all sounds pretty normal to me. At first I thought that using your 'good' shoes to go and play in the mud was a bit stupid, but then I realised they were flats, so it didn't matter did it. I would have worried if you had been in some in some Louboutin heels. Heels are always so difficult to replace...

Waffle said...

Ah, thank you all darlings. You are making me feel so much better.

Tax disasters - wow, but check (smaller scale)
The prehistoric handwash and drycleaning piles - check.
We are all phone phobic. Interesting.

Ali - it's a deal. Am thinking holiday will be good opportunity to sleep, as in laws sleeping in salon, so choice = sudoku or sleep.

Mrs C - I think you do right to hold off on that one. Imagine French divorce lawyers might, once set in motion, be fucking terrifying. Is Cyprien a person or a dog, just to know what I am behaving like.
Also Sécu forms. Six? Dude, small beans. Think, thirty here. But I won't get into competitive stupidity. That would be, well, stupid.

Thank you for the diesel story Welsh Girl. It helped.

Kate - WV is very sly indeed.

JPM - thank you so much. Love idea of you hyped up on coffee and hot chocolate with popping eyeballs and craziness.

Belle - there's the getting stuck in the mud thing with heels too. But suede and dog shit? Not so great.

Anonymous said...

Friend of mothership here:
My christmas tree is still up. It is a live tree. Or was a live tree.

Waffle said...

Jessker - Oh, yours is the first to actually make me laugh! yay for you, gold star! (took our long dead mistletoe down this week)

Juci said...

Cleaning the kitchen cupboards at midnight on a Sunday is so much better than not cleaning them at all for years. I actually congratulate you on that one.
My stupidity: my kid takes not one but TWO two-hour naps a day, and I still can't get anything done around here. Although the last two days I have written a few paragraphs for my thesis so I am really Good (strangely, my husband does not appreciate the Goodness of writing just a few lines per day, but then he doesn't understand the way my penance works); plus, I have mailed three bills for VAT refund with hardly any delay (like no more than three months), so I can say this had been a productive week even if I don't do anything else in the next three days.
Here's a goopy idea though: make a list of the dreaded stuff and mix in some things that you would love to do anyway. Say, for every cheque to be cashed or every pile of laundry to be folded, add 30 minutes of quality time with Oscar or a nice, relaxing bath. Then start going through the list, alternating between the good and the bad stuff, and you'll see how great it feels when you check a task, even if it was only eating an apple. You're only allowed to toss the list in the (now empty) bin when you've crossed off everything.

JChevais said...

You're probably right. Sigh.

Cyprien is based on Elie Simoun's Petites annonces.

I think.


Apologies in advance for the dodgy allocine site. Too many adverts dammit.

Thank you, Jessker. I needed the laugh too.

Anonymous said...

I get a gold star! I am so excited, esp as I am reading this instead of working or studying for a microbiology exam.
My husband swears he is going to cut it up this weekend and we can burn it in the fireplace. If he does that, or if I give in and rearrange all the furniture and drag it out the front door, it is so dry that it will leave thousands of needles everywhere. It will probably disintegrate if I touch it.

The Spicers said...

Most of your stupid things sound familiar, especially the paralyzing fear of the phone.
Also, I tend to forget to clip my childrens' finger- and toenails, cut their hair, and bathe them at regular intervals until it's impossible to ignore.

Waffle said...

Iheart - oh god, me too on the child hygiene. Especially hair washing because it's SUCH a trial.

Jessker - ooh, do burn it. It's almost worth the trial of dismantling the damn thing when it BURNS.

vegan mum said...

-not cashing cheques for months on end until the people who gave me the cheques ask me to please cash them so that they can balance their statements

-refusing to communicate with others over the phone and instead send them impersonal emails (I do this with my own family members)

-rarely cleaning the base of the toilets in the house until they are so covered in dust and god-knows what else that when I am cleaning them I am muttering to myself "jesus how fucking dusty is this house anyway?"

I could go on....

ptooie said...

my home phone bill is paid automatically from my bank, so I don't bother to look at the paper bills much. I finally did look at one and noticed a voicemail option ($13) so called about it- it'd been there over a year.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

I do the telephone thing too, Emma...

One really bad thing for me concerns my dad's ashes - He wanted them to be scattered where we had a celebration for my mum's passing - A beautiful spot, a couple of hours from their home - I still can't bear to do it, because it took me around two years at least, to feel better following the usual grief (- and he died 3 years ago this March, talk about procrastination!); I cannot face his partner, who was horrible to me when he died, practically blaming me for her being left on her own, even tho' she continues to live rent-free in his house which I own, even although she has a flat of her own where she could live, and 3 adult kids who should be looking after her - I want to do the ceremony in secret with my own family, but know that missing it would be bad for his ashes remain at the parlour - I think that betters your procrastination, because I think I really am 'orrible!

Enjoy the fresh air on your skiing trip, JW x

Nikki said...

Yep. I am soooooo with you. All of the above. And re. the exhausted from the staying up too late and eating crap? Add drinking so much coffee that I'm VIBRATING just so I can make it to lunchtime. Seriously. Shaking. My sister accused me of having the DTs. You'd think I would learn...

Marie said...

I moved house a year and a half ago and I still haven't put my pictures up, including the painting I spent £400 on but haven't got framed yet, and all of my mirrors, so if I want to see what I look like, I either have to kneel down or put my mirror on my bed.

Chantal, I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as handwash-only clothing. If it can get wet, it can go in the machine.

Liberty London Girl said...

Welcome to my world. I've done most of what you've written about... bur I haven't filed taxes in six years...LLGxx

Red Shoes said...

Wow, I feel so much less of a wretched, lazy, awful, disgusting FREAK now I've read this. You all are too! Hooray! I have so many things in common and more on top of that.

- 2 years behind on filing my taxes because I am self-employed and haven't kept track of all of my expense receipts. I have the money to pay the actual taxes, but I'm too angry at myself to actually file without all of the appropriate deductions, so I just keep putting it off and putting it off as though someone will magically retrieve and sort them all for me.

- I tried to open an small online store last year and got a credit card merchant account and phone/fax line for it. Then, I had trouble sourcing the product I wanted and gave up on the idea. I've never made a single phone call, sent a fax or processed a credit card purchase, but I can't bring myself to cancel the monthly fee-inducing accounts because it would require me to PICK UP THE PHONE (I also have phone phobia to the extreme).

- There are bananas rotting on my counter. With gnats. That I still don't throw away.

- I have at least a DOZEN of handwash only garments wasting away with years worth of BO and filth on them because eh, handwashing? Takes a few minutes.

- My grandmother calls me about 6 months after my birthday every year, to beg me to cash the birthday check she was sweet enough to send me as a token of her love even though I am a grown woman. Wife's work reimbursement checks are usually thrown away when we forget to cash them and discover them 2 years later under a pile of bills.

- I have things on my credit bureau report that are the result of negligently not paying bills that I had the money for. Cell phone bill, doctor's office bill for under $25, final utility bill from an address I moved away from and forgot about. Collections bureau type things.

Also have the overdue P.O. Box, 26 blinking messages on my answering machine, 2 $100 spa gift certificates that expired because I didn't know where they were redeemable, library fines, ruined shoes, a month's worth of unwanted newspapers in a soggy stack on my front steps....

And now, for one the very most repulsive. My cat chooses to hork up furballs and kitty vomit in the spare bedroom that I rarely go into. There were at least 6 months of old crusted vomit-y furballs on the far side of the room that I know about and refuse to go clean. When I finally went to clean it last week, it was so disgusting that I retched and stopped halfway though. The furballs are gone but there are still traces of them on the floorboards that need a serious scrub. Foul.

Tada! Bet you feel lots better now, doncha Jaywalker? Humoo!! (WV and a greeting of comraderie from one slacker to another)

Z said...

You're all normal. I'm sending you all the hug of fellow-feeling.

P said...

Nothing good came come of voicemail. I never check it either. Still have my Christmas tree, which is now called the Jesus Stick of Shame. It haunts us from the balcony, where we thought we could forget about it. Apparently, they stop collecting trees on the street in FEBRUARY.

Also hate leftovers, so I leave food in the enamel dutch oven until it grows appendages and then am too afraid to deal with it. Indefinitely.

Anonymous said...

I could kiss you passionately on the mouth for writing this post. It is just exactly what I needed to read today--if indeed I needed to read anything, as I should probably be using this time to change out of the clothes I have been wearing for THREE DAYS (yes even the underwear, though in my defense I did turn them inside out on day two to extend their longevity).

So! On to the (other) bad things:

-Drinking large vat of coffee in hopes of making self more productive, only to bring on bout of caffeine-induced panic/nausea and lie shivering on the floor for an hour while baby crawls over prone body towards power cords and any hope of accomplishment is dashed

-Ignoring email, all of it, for months and months and months, because too embarrassed by lack of prompt response to respond NOW, obviously

-Ignoring very kind email from radio producer offering to broadcast my work because...see above

-Finding packet of parking tickets in my handbag where I hid them in the hopes that darkness would dilute their power--tickets now long since overdue and referred to district court

-Letting blood sugar dive because too lazy to eat anything, then shakily forced to consume two chocolate bars, six olives, sleeve of saltines, half bag of chips, and pear in attempt to avoid hypoglycemic shock (this bodes not well for weight loss effort, of course)

I could go on, but I have become unaccountably depressed.

Anonymous said...

That all sounds perfectly normal to me.

I'ms scared of the phone too, and especially scared of talking on it in German. So guess what I am forced to do at work practically EVERY SINGLE DAY. If I don't do it I risk losing my job. There is no getting out of it.

Does eating an entire family sized packet of cheese balls (crisps) then wondering why I can't eat my dinner count as stupid?

Or how about putting a handwash jumper in the washing machine then discovering next time I went to put it on that the sleeves are now way too short for my arms. It was a nice jumper as well.

Staying up til 1am reading blogs when I know I have to be up at 6:30 to get to work on time.

Walking out of clothes shops when I see an assistant coming towards me because I have an irrational fear of being offered assistance.

Not buying new shoes despite the fact that my boots are letting in ridiculous amounts of water (and snow!) because I would have to ask for the second shoe IN GERMAN. Same deal with getting my haircut - I get the boyfriend to do it for me because I don't know how to ask the hairdresser for what I want. I live in Germany. I speak German all day every day. I have no problem with ordering food in a restaurant or buying a train ticket but I can't talk to the hairdresser or the shoe-shop assistant. This is not just stupid - it makes no sense!

I could go on but I'd only bore you...

Nimble said...

Every morning I listen to my oldest daughter cough, a dry back of the throat tickle cough. And I think I ought to change the furnace filter. And then I don't.

I fantasize about asking acquaintances out for a beer or coffee. Because I'm lonely and it would be nice to make new friends. But I don't do it.

Anonymous said...

This is very cathartic.
and I am not going to Microbiology today because I had a week to study but did not study enough.
I have a box of fishing worms in the back of the fridge since the summer that I am scared to take out and throw away. They may just be hibernating but they have no food. We bought surf tags and never went fishing.

katyboo1 said...

Not organising swimming lessons for the kids despite threatening/promising to do it for over a year now.

Not being bothered to get my jeans taken up and then crying because I have ripped the shit out of the bottom of my lovely, lovely, Diesel jeans and now they are not lovely.

Leather coat covered in cat piss still sitting in the garage waiting for me to go to dry cleaners despite the fact I am now wearing summer jackets in February.

Not cashing in a gift voucher for a trip to Bath Spa because I was too inertia filled to work out how to do the train trip and sort it all out.

etc, etc, etc,

Anonymous said...

Oh no-I'd forgotten about the Christmas tree propped up on the patio....

Anonymous said...

spend all day commenting on other people's blogs and tweeting you and mrs t. instead of writing novel. then stay up into wee hours eating sweets and not brushing teeth. Shout at children in morning when they unreasonably want to wake up.
Do you think Weepette and One separated at birth? Weepette probably better pedigree, though.

Anonymous said...

Well, I didn't have a block about filling out my taxes, but tracking down the info to do it. So I filed extensions but didn't actual file. And they owed me refunds.

I am now waiting for a pre employment background check to be completed for a job I was laid off several months ago and about to be rehired for-only the place and work I have done for the past 20 years.

Its been over two days, and I figure that stupid act of procrastination has caught up with me and made me ineligible for employment with our agency or with a complimentary type partner agency.

SO, I am sitting here trying to figure out why I blew up my career and life out of stupidity and procrastination.

How I will apologise for those who championed my re-hire-and coming to grips that this might have something to do with gossip I heard today about the woman who headed my former unit being fired yesterday.

The laugh is, I called the tax people and they said no big deal, file and the worst that will happen is that you will get your refund with interest.

Which should come in handy when I have to sell my house at a loss and move back in with my parents at 50.

monk said...

I commend you for making the world feel better about itself. That at least should relieve some of the stupidity.

I was too proud to accept the offer of interpretation at the hairdressers, despite the fact my french cannot deal with relatives (short and long is the extent of it), meaning I look like Mary Portas, but shorter.

I am terrified of my job, to the extent that I refuse work and am taking the next two weeks off, ostensibly to learn french (see above) but really to avoid panic attacks. The only way to stop being terrified is to keep doing it. I don't. I am unqualified to do anything else, yet unable to use my free time to learn anything useful, because, of course, I am stupid.

My boots are broken, I have money and time to buy new ones, but don't. I prefer to superglue my fingers to the lining, and indulge in irrational claustrophibic panic EVERY TIME I try to take them off and my left foot gets stuck for 40 minutes, till the boyfriend comes to my aid with a cup of tea and an unbent wire coathanger.

monk said...

And not talking to my family for weeks, because of the phone thing. Or indeed friends, who beg me to call whenever I see them.

mountainear said...

Crikey we all do stupid - that's normal. Doesn't mean we feel good about it though. Not worth beating ourselves up about it either.

Have a horrible feeling that if I didn't have a significant other who keeps inviting people to stay thus demanding clean rooms, fresh flowers and good food) that I would live on toast, wear elasticated 'old lady' trousers and never shower. Is that enough?

justme said...

INTERESTING that we ALL seem to have the phone phobia thing. I am fine if someone calls me, and I actually pick it up. They would never know my horror of phones!
It is when I have to actually pick it up myself and call someone that is the problem. Unless I am drunk, of course. In which case it is easy......but possibly not wise?

GingerB said...

I pay bills late every month, not because I don't have the money but because I can't be bothered to sit down and write checks, even when I have both checks and stamps. Maybe I am afraid of the mail box the way you guys fear the phone. Last week my internet got shut off for non-payment.

I have not taken my vehicle back to the place that put the windshield in badly, even though the molding doesn't cover the glass and air whistles through the car. You guess why.

I too have half a laundry basket of unmanagable items of clothing, aged approximately 4.5 years. Again, you guess, because I am without explanation.

I keep my baby's clothes all spread out on a chair, so they are easier to see, and select. Ahem.

I have to ponder whether I am really ready to admit to the other thing I thought of. Please excuse me while I bang my head against a wall.

Mamma Pie said...

Leaving library books sitting in the car until they start charging me MONEY like crazy.

Laura Jane said...

I am secretary (volunteer) of a large organisation - and I rarely check the mail, DON'T check the answering machine, and never contact head office (slinks into corner of shame).I am meant to be organsising a paging service for same, but have been too busy - yet my bloglines gets read daily.

I've got MY priorities straight...

(ooh, my wv is undin = undone. Theme of the day n'est pa?)

Anonymous said...

I've done nearly all of these (especially the ones where one fails to get one's reimbursements and hides from the phone). In addition, I am very very often too lazy to get out of my chair to pee until the point at which real pain and imminent incontinence are actually upon me.

Juci, you have been Good! Good for you! Don't you dare think that you've been negligent when you've actually been Good! Nothing better than Good. That's magnificent. Hooray for Good.

Anonymous said...

Indeed, I make my poor husband make all the phone calls that I possibly can. He is always the one who has to call up for take-out (and then he goes and picks it up, too) and even our friends. It has been known to happen that a friend will ring up to make plans, Snark (husband) will eventually get fed up with coordinating friend's ideas with my helpful suggestions from the sidelines, and offer the phone to me so that I can chime in directly, only to have me in fact shriek and run away. Hm, his saintliness becomes more and more evident in these comments, doesn't it? God knows why he puts up with me.

lisahgolden said...

We're letting the 13 year old boy hold the television remote. In the last minute, I've watched a young man try to suck milk from his nipples with a breast pump and another young man carrying a bulldog in a Snugli.

See - now don't you feel like a genius?

tea and cake said...

not calling two dear people, because I forgot their Big birthdays last year,
sitting up late, but not actually doing something,
leaving Everything 'til too late,
I currently have two weeks study to do in one day,
I could go on, but it's late, 'night x

Anonymous said...

I regularly ignore phone calls (especially from my mother) because they take too much energy.

I have a sheaf of papers from an accountant that need to be signed, and even though it will take give minutes, I have been putting the task off for three weeks.

I avoid using fax machines. I can't use them.

Reading this blog post makes me feel so normal!

SUEB0B said...

We are the same kind of stupid.

River said...

One stupid thing I do? Just one? Giving in to hubby when he insists he wants xyz for dinner that night. I know damn well he will change his mind, but I shop for the ingredients if I don't already have them, make sure the dishes I'll need are clean, pre-prepare as much of the recipe as I can. Only to have him say at the last moment possible, "I'll just go and get fish'n'chips for dinner, won't be long". Aaargh!! The other stupid thing I do is blurt obnoxious comments on people's blogs without thinking.

Lydia said...

I adore your blog. We have just moved to Belgium, and for months I have been reading it compulsively for lessons on to survive in Brussels. It is hilarious, comforting, entertaining, and essential.

On our way here stopped over in Dubai. In the United Arab Emirates, they often throw you in jail if you bring codeine into the country. I had codeine in my bag, and I really meant to throw it out, but I kept on putting it off. Then, at the airport, we were in such a rush that I forgot and checked in my bag full of drugs.

I realised about 30 minutes later, and my husband said to me "why do you never learn that the more important something is, the more imperative it is that you do it as soon as possible? You did this with your taxes, you still haven't gotten our wedding certificate legalised so you can reside in Belgium, and now this? I simply do not understand why you put the most important tasks off, when you could just do them straight away and then they would be done and you could stop worrying about them?"

He went up to the desk, told them that his wife was trying to sneak drugs into the UAE, and they retrieved the bag from the plane so I could throw them out.

He now thinks that I have learned my lesson, although I am still here on a tourist visa due to the lack of a legalised wedding certificate. On the up side, I now have an excellent reason why I cannot work, and must spend all day eating waffles and chocolate with the internets.

River said...

Anonymous over there on the left has a good point.

Waffle said...

Lovely internet, you never let me down. This has been so so comforting. We are not alone! We have each other! Whilst I could very easily and would love to answer each of these individually saying Me too! Me too! I have to take O to the vet (weeks late of course, and soon I will be running late and will be later after i have spent ages turning house upside down looking for lost vaccination thing). But truly, this has been so wonderful.

New favourite phrase: "the Jesus stick of shame".

(also, Monk, next time I'll take you to the hairdresser. AND boot shopping. Bevchen, I'd do the same for you but I can't speak German)

Off to lose keys again now.

fabhat said...

I have 30 pounds worth of birthday present expired nails inc vouchers from over 4 years ago, that are still in my drawer because i feel too ashamed to get rid of them.

I did my tax return with 4 hours spare. My vat return is always done with only minutes to spare...

My driving license still has my parents address on it, where I haven't lived permanently for over 10 years...

Wearing best black trousers to bleach the kitchen counter - and ruining them in the process!

I could go on...but I need to procastinate about something else now.

Anonymous said...

You are my people!!

Putting off taking cat to the vet to be spayed until she is a year old and has had 3 heats and has developed the habit of peeing on my daughter's bed...thus ensuring it is an ingrained habit and the spay will not help.

Having just last week ordered my daughters' birth certificates because of a trip we're taking this summer. They are ages 4 and 5.

Not having taken my children to the dentist, ever, nor yet selected a dentist for them. Again, ages 4 and 5.

Not having had my hair cut since Mother's Day 2007.

Not having gone out with friends in at least 4 months.

Reasons for all of the above? PEOPLE. PHONE.

Wearing ca. 2001 clothing and shoes every day, despite having the money, due to intense hatred of shopping. See PEOPLE, above.

Staying up until 1am and then bursting into tears when the alarm goes off at 6:30 and then being disgusted with myself for not having used the time the night before for showering, nor anything productive. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Ah, I feel better now! Stupid, but better!

Grit said...

i have thought long and hard about this because the choice is so wide. but... the stupidest thing in the recent past was jumping in the car with the kids to find the monastery in a field with no petrol in the car and saying 'i think i know where it is...' things took a turn for the worst at that very moment.

Mutter said...

To your post and these wonderful comments (which make me feel so normal and mainstream) I can only add ignoring pop-ups about inadequate computer security for so long that years of work has now become inaccessible as my computer is eaten alive by a virus. I can now only read your wonderful blog on my iPhone which I am doing while sitting in a wind tunnel in a bleak and lonely Chinese university campus in the New Territories while I wait for my son to finish an assessment test I wish I'd never (stupidly) entered him for. I hope you're alright Jaywalker. You bring such pleasure to your readers and deserve to feel so good
about yourself. Incidentally I also did de Tocqueville and
didn't get a first by a long way so am definitely far more
stupid than you ever could be!

WrathofDawn said...

At last! I have found my long lost twin.

Take heart. You have lots of company in Stupidville. Population: At least you and me and by the sounds of these comments, lots of others.

Anonymous said...

Putting empty wine bottles back in the wine rack so that Head Office doesn't notice I've had more than my allowance and topping them up with half bottles when she's out.

The Accidental Author said...

Just one? Now that's tricky. Forgetting to pay my tax bill so got a 10% majoration, forgetting to pay for school lunches for so long that the bill for this inedible fare is now reaching the sums that Sarkozy has promised for his plan de relance but best of all, and this is a recent one that I've just blogged about, forgetting to throw out DD's dead chicken until it was decomposing in the back of the car. Euch!!

mimi said...

I am amazed but hugely relieved that so many other people feel this way about phones, filing paperwork and dealing with other people... My stupid thing is that I can deal with the crazy big woes of life quite cooly and breezily, but the little niggly details like phone calls and form-filling, especially when when it comes from hmrc, always drive me into a seriously irrational black hole of depression, fueled with paranoia and panic and pointy things. Yet if/whenever I finally get around to sorting it out, I'm always embarrassed by how straightforward and easy it was - all that agony and high drama in my head always feels a little wasted.

also I'm constantly making ridiculous excuses and blaming the shoddy post for losing mail, returning things undelivered etc, yet most of the time said post is crumpled at the bottom of my handbag because I can't be bothered to go and buy a bloody stamp. I once sold a collectable doll on ebay but never got around to fixing a minor detail on it in order to send it, so it hid in my work cabinet for YEARS until a recent clear out, where I just shoved it in a bin bag before anyone could see it. (needless to say, Royal Mail's poor delivery was at fault yet again) argh!

so many more things... piles of grubby laundry, check. mouldy food, check. wasting time staring into space feeling bad about wasting time, check. oh dear...!

Alyson said...

I know this is late, but, I have a stomach thing for which I was supposed to go to have an upper G.I. thing. I scheduled it, but then was pregnant, so I couldn't have it. I miscarried but have not rescheduled because I don't a) want to call the Dr. on the phone and b) don't want to tell them why it's taken me so long. (and it's not even that I'm so super duper sad about the circumstances that I can't talk about it, more I feel dumb about waiting so long.) I also haven't scheduled my annual lady exam because I was supposed to go for a final blood test because of the aforementioned and I didn't and I don't want them to yell at me. Both are a case of time getting away from me and my hatred of the phone and now feeling stupid.

But this did make me feel better and I can totally continue to not do either of those things! Thanks.

Anonymous said...

How about ...

* lazy about toilet-training daughter until it is too embarassing for both me and her

* sitting at work all day, not doing anything but reading and commenting on blogs (even though I know there is a recession on, and it is essential that I at least appear to be working

* losing my bank debit card and not bothering to get a new one, since I have so little cash in it anyway

* making stupid "rules" for myself and then not following it at all

* not cutting hair for ages only because am scared the stylist will make sarcastic comments about its ragged condition

* same goes for coloring hair

* planning daily tasks according to my daily astrological prediction

And the list goes ...

Cassiopeia said...

Oh so true, every single one...

*not taking books back on time and having to explain a fifty pound library fine...

*having 3 bank accounts I don't use, while the one I do is heart-achingly money-raping

*not doing the washing up even though I know not doing it makes me not a great room mate.

*not going to see my grandmother even though she's been in a home 2 years because I'm scared she won't recognise me, or, that she'll hate me.

*having not started my dissertation that's due in in a month.

*having not been to a single society talk despite being vice president

*not going to half my lectures because I'd rather have a lie in

*spending far too much money on clothes because it makes me feel better and have something to look forward to

*not paying invoices as I've not paid in cheques yet...

I could go on for hours. Oh the guilt. Oh the catharsis.


Jen said...

I'm so glad that someone else feels the exact same way I do.

Where do I even begin. I have managed to open my own business, and yet can't keep up with keeping kitchen and or laundry done.

I feel as though my house is organized for the one day every two months that I pick it up, and yet it always is a mess!!

I simply forget to call people back, email them back, even started a blog to have something fun to do and cannot keep up with posting.

I will be really good and go to the gym for 3 days in a row, then always find some lame excuse for the next month why I can't go....but talk about going all the time (how annoying is that).

I always want to eat healthy, and if I did, could fit into all my clothes that are one size too small now, because I insist on having two glasses of wine every night and then eating at midnight.

I want to make a list everyday of what needs to be accomplished and then do it...why is that so dang hard??

I read everyones comments and am glad to see that there are others out there that are seemingly normal girls, who have it together and yet, forget or don't do all these things...I'm in need of help!

Anonymous said...
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