Having something of a dark night of the soul at the moment, precursor to skiing trip, I suppose. I'm just finding myself such irritating company. I am so STUPID! Like, mind-blowingly, head slappingly stupid.
I mean, seriously, what would you call someone who does the following?
.. eating something horrible because the bin is too far away to throw it out.
.. playing football in muddy back yard in Lanvin suede ballerina flats because too lazy to find trainers.
.. having to go down three insomnia compounding flights of stairs to check the time in middle of night because they have hidden the alarm clock in the basement for making such an obnoxious noise.
.. expecting a six year old to be able to keep a secret.
..keeping cheques until they are too old to cash, not claiming expenses because too lazy and/or embarassed, allowing luncheon vouchers to expire unused.
.. not checking work voicemail ever because the the way the red light on the phone winks is inexplicably scary.
.. deciding that midnight on Sunday is the perfect time to clean the kitchen cupboards.
.. Never leaving until the last minute something vital that could just not be done at all, whatever the apocalyptic consequences.
.. Missing talking to someone but being unable to conquer irrational fear of the telephone.
..Being so late to collect a much-wanted parcel that it has been returned to sender.
.. Failing to notice dog eating cash card, Anya Hindmarch silver shoes, ticket to get trousers back from menders until whole lot buggered. Why? Because busy staring into space and self-flagellating for lack of productivity.
.. Worrying at cold sore on lip until it bleeds, making it look even worse.
.. Owning an annual tram pass but buying tickets anyway due to having lost said pass and being incapable of going to replace it.
.. getting too low and tired to cook as a result of eating crap and staying up late. Not cooking. Eating more crap and staying up later. Wishing to beat self to death with packet of biscuits but not having the energy and all biscuits already eaten.
I have probably just tipped over from 'mildly entertaining eccentric' to 'OMFG sad, crazy woman', haven't I? But before you tiptoe out, shaking your heads, could I ask you to leave me one stupid thing you do in the comments box, anonymously if you prefer. Imagine me looking at you pleadingly with my stupid stupid eyes. Whilst picking at my cold sore.