Sunday, 4 January 2009

Oscar

Ever since we agreed I could go part time, I have been nagging at the CFO to get a dog, on the basis that once you obtain one thing, you should immediately start arguing for another. I think he taught me that, so he has only himself to blame.

Whilst agreement in principle was thrashed out through a process of attrition some weeks ago, the details have been trickier. The CFO likes his dogs big and stupid and faithful. I like my dogs small, elegant, irascible and frankly not terribly bothered about you. Cats, basically. Initial compromise discussions alighted on this for its tortoise friendly properties.

On reflection, however, I vetoed the Welsh Terrier on the basis that it is poo coloured and I could just imagine those moustaches filled with drool trailing over me demanding to be loved, and me just not being able to see past its ugliness. I may be shallow, but at least I know it.


The CFO then came up with this:




"You ARE joking? It looks like the kind of dog you get from a bloke in a pub when you're blind drunk and haven't been home for three days and you think in a misguided moment it will stop your wife from throwing things at you. And of course the kids fall in love with it when you bring it home but your wife hates it and hates you even more for being such an unbelievably stupid bastard."

"Well, what do YOU suggest?"

The CFO had already vetoed the dog of my dreams:



And for my 'reserve' dog, I really wanted one of these but apparently they are vicious killers when it comes to other animals, such as, for instance, tortoises. Every dog I suggested would turn out to be a vicious killer basically. So no go.


"Hmm. I want a whippet then."


"C'est quoi un weeepette?"


"Like a small greyhound. Very smooth and quiet".


"Those TREMBLY things? How can I train it to kill burglars?"


"Admit you are very demanding: It must be trained to kill burglars AND not to touch tortoises."


"Yes, but but but..."


But a couple of days of intensive googling later convinced him la mort dans l'ame, that indeed, a weepette was the thing for us what with it not being smelly, not shedding hair and enjoying blankets and sleeping 20 hours a day. And ever since he has been encouraging, one might even say goading me, to get one. If he was hoping I would finally see sense, he was of course dealing with the wrong woman. Yesterday he stood over me and forced me to phone a woman with weepettes somewhere near Amiens. And so I found myself today driving five hours to collect this weepette who we have called Oscar, although the spawn are still calling him "Weepette".





And now, of course, I am terrified. Broken nights, poo everywhere, risibly poor discipline - haven't we been here before? What WAS I thinking? Fuuuuck!


He's very sweet though and goodness he likes to sleep.



So, um, wish me luck or something because I haven't got a fucking clue*, and the CFO is sitting back with a slight smile playing around his lips as Oscar leaps, jaws open, for my jugular.

27 comments:

Iheartfashion said...

Wow, that's a bold move! Cats are more my speed. I can only handle animals that don't need me all that much. There are enough humans around demanding my attention at the moment!

spacecaddette said...

how could u get this beutiful stroky dog not even a week after i have left!!! can u try to make him not grow before i next come??

he suits u :) i hope he is a hell of a lot less trouble than parrotboy was when he arrived tho.. the sleeping bodes well

speak soon xxxxxx

Pochyemu said...

What a nice puppy! And weepets are indeed very nice dogs. you'll be so glad you didn't get a terrier of any sort bc they're fucking awful (in my opinion) and would eat the tortoises and then eat your soul with their manical manicness! My mom had a Scottish terrier once that ate the antique dining table, and that was the last thing it ate in that house!

Good luck with the weeing & pooing!

P said...

Oh, he is very sweet. I love the wee weepette. I want one! I want one! Maybe Fauxhawk will get me a puppy for my birthday (and then walk it).

Grit said...

you have an animal in the house and look at it already. it is lolling around doing exactly what it wants while you fetch biscuits and carry blankets. soon you will be going ooochycoo at it, leaving the heating on, buying it squeaky presents and worrying how to amuse it in moving vehicles. this is not sweet. this is evil dressed as dog.

Z said...

They have lovely natures and are very docile. I think you've made a perfect choice.

Persephone said...

I think we should get a dog because younger daughter would love one and it would be so good for her, but we have a cat and we go away in the summer, so I've hesitated. We'd probably get a mutt, if only because it's such a purebred neighbourhood. Besides, if I got a whippet, I don't think I could restrain myself from naming it Devo...
Word verification is crovulas which sounds like something disgusting that a dog might do.

mountainear said...

Bless. It is gorgeous and not an English Bull Terrier or Wire Haired Pointer or a hen. (All of which I have and in dark moments regret.)

Word verification is 'burboon'. I do not have one of those.

Ali said...

Oh he's beautiful. Puppies are exhausting though. Better you than me!

ptooie said...

How darling! I've not had much (well, any) experience with weepettes, though my father and stepmother came home from France one time with an Azawach. That was one high-strung dog!
We have a purebred Irish Setter. He was a terror until he was 2. He ate my couch, my shoes, more underwear than I cared to count... Now that he's 8, he much calmer, at least until company comes over.
I 'hopol'(wv) Oscar does not eat your belongings as Killian did mine.

Kitschen Pink said...

Of course! It's a new year so you needed new challenges - Have you heard of goldfish?! t.x

Parisgirl said...

Hide those Louboutins QUICK! You think he's all cute and sleeping like an angel but he'll be in the shoe boxes before you know it.

Kate said...

awwww. sweet. that's awesome.

WV- tazing. maybe a tazer is the way to deal with jaws to the jugular. I jest, of course.

redfox said...

You will be so, so glad you did not get a terrier. They are smart in all the most destructive, unbearable ways. My friend with a Jack Russell just reported that he (the dog) had trashed her kitchen for about the fifth time, "including knocking to the floor a mason jar full of chocolate which he then unscrewed the lid of and devoured." Unscrewed the lid! And then, of course, because chocolate is so bad for dogs, off to the emergency vet they went. I think she spends half her life at the emergency vet. Before the chocolate he opened a canister of flour and ate that. Why a dog would want to eat pounds of wheat flour, I cannot imagine. Last week he also bit the postman. Weepets sound much more relaxing.

Jaywalker said...

Iheart - "bold move" in English English is shorthand for "fucking crazy". Is it the same with you?

SpaceCadette - well you will just have to come back won' you... Fingers crossed for less neighbour teasing than the parrot boy.

Pochyemu - Thank you my dear. I will need it.

P - he can come and walk this one too!

Grit - you are so right. It is all true. But if I ended up smelling of dog and wearing sweatshirts that say "I love weepettes" please will you come and take it away?

Z - Oh thank god for you. Fingers crossed.

Persephone - Impact of children here: so far Lashes likes it a LOT and Fingers things it is an outrageous usurper of his place as cute small thing. Hmmm.


Mountainear - argh, I am sure i will have many dark thoughts too. But I asked for it.

Ali - I know. I must be fucking crazy.

Ptooie - I am quite sure he will. He already likes my handbag a LOT.

KP - Dude, I should have got a tamagotchi. Six torts, two children, ten fish. It's ridiculous.

PG - All the good shoes are at work. Let him do his worst!

Kate - tazing indeed. My dark thoughts will include that I think.

redfox - ah, but such dedictaion to wickedness! I love. Though am greatful not to have to live with, admittedly.

Ok, now this must stop. No more dog discussions. I already feel like a freak.

bevchen said...

Ooh, he's gorgeous! I want to a dog too. Not a weepette though.

Happy New Year by the way. I know it's the 5th already but I'm still playing catch up...

justme said...

Well......you are very, very brave......you and Bellette both! and I must say, if you MUST have a dog (as opposed to a cat) the weepette sounds like a most suitable animal for your household. I foresee many shopping trips to buy it suitable attire (they really DO need jumpers, and possibly socks, maybe legwarmers, on account of their baldyness) and tempting titbits........
Word verification is 'cougated' which sounds as though it should mean something to do with puppy adoration.......
And there was me thinking you had your hands full already....

katyboo1 said...

weepettes are quite fab for dogs and I am not a dog sort of person, but you are right, they are very catty and I am a cat person.
They can be a bit mental though. I hear they can be bribed with pork scratchings.
Do they have pork scratchings in Belgium?
Awesome name by the way!

bonnie-ann black said...

you'll probably have a lovely time with your dog... they are much easier to train than kids, and never, ever decide to be parrots! they're content to just stay dogs. i've never actually seen a weepete puppy, but now that i have, i may want one. i love all animals and grew up in a rather wild household, filled with dogs of varying and mixed breeds, several cats of difficult personalities, large and small birds, snakes and lizards and even, at one point, a monkey! (*not* recommended -- really!)

i'd love a dog, but sadly, business and pleasure makes it not very feasible right now. i hope the kids are kind to it...

my word is "Fulgo" which sounds like an name for a weepete, if it is italian.

Jaywalker said...

Bonnie ann - that sounds like my dad's house used to be before he got respectable. A monkey!

Katyboo - no. send pork scratchings! Also, perhaps a brain. Just a small one would do..

Justme - legwarmers! I love. The CFO suggested just sticking him in a large sock with footholes. Hmm. Hours of fun...

Bevchen - Have you slept right through til the 5th? I am most impressed.

sprogblogger said...

Weepets are the best! Seriously, I'll never own another kind of dog. You made the right choice - plus it's fun standing in the dog park with a bunch of terriers acting like arses, while your dog is posing elegantly for people to admire. I swear we only go to the dog park so my dog can find new people to adore her.

Have fun with the puppy!

Jaywalker said...

Sprogblogger - god, thank you for the reassurance. It will be ok won't it? You can just say yes, it doesn't have to be true. It's minus 10 and he is totally unimpressed with idea of crapping outside when he could be crapping behind the piano in comfort...

GC said...

I just stumble across your blog for the first time and find this? Good heavens, I love it.
I have two weepettes, one is four and is essentially a cat, and the other is six months and has introduced me to the concept that Satan can give birth. I trust that it will pass, given a few years, because our other weepette is perfect. I speak from experience when I tell you that this phase does not pass with terriers. You have chosen wisely!

HA HA, aren't you funny, word verification? "Comands"—they are what my puppy doesn't follow. *HEAVY SIGH*

Jaywalker said...

GC - Hurray! Weepette person! Please god let Oscar be the cat type and not the spawn of satan type. Have you the email? So that I may bombard you with the questions regaring the weepettes?

bonnie-ann black said...

my parents have never achieved normalcy yet (thank heavens). they now have 7 dogs of varying sizes and breeds, have taken out several kitchen cabinets to put in bird cages and have pet horses because neither of them ride any longer, but they just can't get rid of the horses. the monkey and kinkajoo and the racoons are gone, but they still have a pet squirrel (in the house) named "Nutty-Buddy" after a candy bar. as well as a cat who is named Cheeky Bugger, because... well, he is.

i have one cat, who is the limb of satan, but i'd love a dog. maybe after this year's trip to london and stratford. next year, if things keep on the way they're going though, i might be living off dog food myself and so might not be able to afford a dog.

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