Monday, 15 December 2008

To do list

1. Stick cameleon from Le Caméléon book's tongue back on. Glue not Scotch.

2. Tram ticket for Lashes' school trip to dismal circus featuring 1 goat.

3. Draw Dialga (using blue felt tip pen, v. important, not Bic quatre couleurs).

4. Apologise to hystrionic neighbour even though it is a damn lie, I never slammed the door in her face. I just shut it gently while she was still talking. NUANCE.

5. €4,70 for Fingers' school trip tomorrow - OMFG does he need a fucking packed lunch???? Are any of the parents still speaking to me so I can check??

6. Check with CFO if Sibelga still taking me to court for non-payment of bill from 2005.

7. Feed triops ideally without retching.

8. Prepare update to Tedium files for 16 January.

9. Replace Lashes' blue felt tip.

10. Raid CFO's suit pocket for hidden money to take to London to take advantage of piteous state of pound in M&S Simply Food. DO NOT FORGET 2 tubes of Protect & Perfect.
11. Decontaminate house and restock drinks cupboard for state visit from Bearded One at weekend. Read up on his recent triumphs. Prepare lively discourse about high profile and fascinating legal career. Remember not to mention reduced working hours.

12. Make appointment with Doctor Verruca and his needle of death for Fingers.

13. Find gynecologist who is (a) Under 90 (b) Unlikely to leave me in stirrups while he disappears for 20 minutes to potter around and play mystifyingly with a microscope (c) Less prone to hacking coughing fits while performing smear test.

14. Remember not to look at Fingers/Britney while he is getting dressed tomorrow (this morning's fiasco best not repeated). If not possible, try to defuse situation with instant offer of hot chocolate/Kinder Egg/money.

15. Remember rash promise to bring Spangles back from London on Wednesday. Admit to chef not in office on Wednesday. Attempt to convey this information in a way suggesting that he already knew about this AGES ago and agreed.

16. Admit to Dirk the office manager I have lost my pass card for work. Submit to lecherous pseudo-scolding. Grit teeth. Smile. Avoid kicking in testicles if possible.

17. Establish whether failure to deal with intrusive health insurance form from April about depression, thoughts of self-harm, mental health related absences from work, abdominoplasty, etc. means that family effectively destitute if I am runover by 92 tram tomorrow.

18. Invade Netherlands Buy milk.

19. Make everyone happy forever with MAGIC DUST/Shouting/Prayer/Reptiles/sheer force of will/blackmail as appropriate.

20. Write perfect, acerbic, funny, cool novel and become famous and appear on BBC 2 arts programmes looking severe yet achingly sexy in Jil Sander and architect's glasses. Become reconciled to death and ageing and the various tragedies of life due to sudden influx of enormous wisdom.

What's on yours today?


Pochyemu said...


Kindest regards,


Jaywalker said...

Mais pourquoi la Pochyemu?

Pochyemu said...

So we can go to M&S and buy chocolate together in Rondon town!

I'm in America at the moment but I'll be back at the end of the month, so if you're going to london...!

A Confused Take That Fan said...

I would like to do number 20.
More realistically I need to write my Christmas cards.

Mr Farty said...

I really need to make at least a half-hearted attempt to buy some Xmas prezzies. I don't feel up to buying milk, let alone invading the Netherlands.

Marie said...

Spent five hours doing Christmas cards, which is about the same, no?

fourstar said...

I invaded the Netherlands on your behalf, you looked a bit busy. Nothing to report, it's still there.

ptooie said...

1. pay more attention to weather forecast so as not to be surprised again by 25+ degree drop during workday.
2. bring home earplugs from work now that Christmas gifts from Texas we shipped up have arrived.
3. oh I dunno, my hands still haven't thawed out from both the drive home and then letting the dog outside

Kate said...

Believe it or not, email Mme. Jaywalker was on my list for today (and yesterday, etc.) but that' hasn't been done yet... the rest of my list isn't much more successful:

1. attempt to answer emails - I gave up and passed them off on someone else or ignored them.
2. nap - was woken up 3 times by phone
3. attempt to find sustenance for family - the sidewalks are covered with ice so i made do with what was at home. I've eaten crackers and cream cheese so far today.
4. make gingerbread house and decorate with toddler and neighbor and neighbor's toddler - CHECK! it's falling down and it's from a kit, but i don't care.
5. business meeting - starts in 25 min.
6. work stuff - too boring to tell and hasn't gotten done yet. will remain not completely until i can give up sleeping completely or hire a personal assistant.
7. clean up house and start packing for la France - do i have to?

SUEB0B said...

Oh, fine, leave it to ME to invade Netherlands. Do you never think that I might be busy, too?

Really, I just wanted to say that yours is my absolutely favorite blog find of the year, and since it is Dec 15, I can say that with some assurance. You are truly the best, and I eagerly await your posts. Smooches.

justme said...

I cannot bear even to THINK of my list....
It includes decorating my rather charming little tree, which I have bought, brought home, and now even brought inside....but not dressed yet!
And seeing a physiotherapist.
And writing cards
And....I am getting depressed now. I am supposed to be WORKING today!
Anytime you are coming to London though, let me know and I will certainly come and help you buy chocolate and goodies. Pochyemu too!

Jaywalker said...

CTTF/Marie - You have the advantage of me. I have bought loads of christmas cards, but I am hoping they will jump into their envelopes all by themselves. I can see no other way.

Mr F - Maybe the Netherlands would be a nice Christmas gift for someone?

Thanks Fourstar - let me know if I can do anything for you (annex Fulford and subjugate it to my will?)

Kate - too much too much. Your list is making me convulse with anxiety.

SueBob - nicest thing anyone has said for ages, you lovely SueBob you. Thank you. And look, Fourstar has dealt with the Netherlands for us so we can concentrate on cure for cancer/ending world hunger. Marvellous.

Justme - a mini blog meet! Yes. I approve.

Juci said...

You could and should totally do no. 20. Please?

katyboo1 said...

mine includes

milk, which I have forgotten on three separate occasions today already.

Make the kitchen not smell of bacon.

cobble together a bra to take to London on Friday to be sneered at by Messrs Rigby and Peller.

Apologise for forgetting Tallulah's christmas party and not feeding everyone treats and leaving my child to beg from other children.

find form for counselling appt tomorrow which is very similar to your insurance form. I think I may have wiped something up with it.

Rebuild middle daughter's fraught relationship with her father and make everyone love each other again and never, ever call anyone a pincher ever.

Easy peasy lemon squeezy.