Thursday, 4 December 2008

St Nicolas is indisposed

Belette did a nice post today about six small things that made her happy. It was pleasing, even to me, snarling, repulsive cynic that I am. I even took part. But you don't come here for that kind of thing, do you? So here are 'six small things that are making me narky'. I invite you, as ever, to join me. It's Thursday whine-fest! Yeah!

1. I foolishly opened a letter today. Usually I just shove them under the desk or leave them for the CFO. It had the scales of justice peeping through the transparent window and my name on it. This should have warned me off, but like a good lawyer, I opened it. Sibelga are taking me to court, apparently, for €250. I don't even know who Sibelga are. Ah well.

2. I ate half a sausage yesterday. It was Not a Good Thing. The other half sausage caused Lashes to vomit on my shoes this morning. My half sausage is giving me pervasive nausea and bad temper (yes. a sausage CAN do that). Fingers is spared due to surviving on air, cola bottles and Kinder eggs. The CFO was somewhere on the outskirts of Coventry at the time, and consequently also spared.

3. Present clinic is not the roaring success I had hoped for. As you know, my self-worth is intimately tied up in how much validation I get from the comments box. I am an empty husk without it.

4. The children are sucking my soul out, drop by drop. Fingers knows I am physically and mentally in thrall to him and his pouty wickedness and bends me to his will accordingly. Lashes is cursed with seemingly endless mountains of homework and a total disinclination to do any of it. We are jointly in constant trouble for failing to provide the right stuff on the right day and for doing that stuff wrongly, or in the wrong colour, or in the wrong place. This is not our fault. It's genetics. In these matters I am very much a biological determinist. 'Remembering stuff' and 'sharpening crayons' and 'writing neatly' are simply not in our DNA. Also, both of them have taken it as a personal challenge to jump on my bad knee as often as possible.

Look! St Nicolas is glowering in the background for reasons he refuses to explain, whilst his punitive helper is hanging off the Ikea light and telling me about how he is in trouble at school for sniffing too often.
Also, Lashes kept trying to take my wig off yesterday to put it on an inflatable pumpkin "because it will make a funny photo" - and I have noone, but noone, to blame for this but my stupid self.

5. Cooking. This is always on my list, I know. Just, fuck it. I am so goddam sick of cooking. The food plus utensils, plus the heat plus the plates and knives and stuff? Every damn day? Just, way too much for me right now. The bagel plus the toaster is as much as I can manage. The crisps plus the hand is good for me too. The cup of tea plus the Migraleve plus the bed would be ideal.

6. I have totally, abysmally failed with my last new year's resolution to "wear more make up". I never, ever manage to put make up on, even though I am one of those people who is totally transformed by it, from terrifying pink eyed, whey faced, veiny nosed troll, to passably human female. I have lost count of the people who have told me I am looking 'tired'. Damn right I am. So tired that squirting on a bit of foundation and adding a dab of Benetint seems like scaling the north face of the Eiger. Moisturiser? Don't get me started.

7. I need one more, sorry. I still smell of chicken fajitas from Tuesday. The perils of wearing a wig. I don't want to smell like Tuesday's dinner. I can't get it together to wash the wig. It's lengthy and boring and I just can't.

Ok - your turn. Six - or seven - small grievances or irritations. It's cathartic, innit?


justme said...

1)I cannot find shoes to fit which don't hurt one of my toes.
2) my knee is also injured and causing me to be anxious as I need it in working order.
3) The ticket machine at the car park is not working so that I have to worry all day about getting a ticket.
4) my house is filthy and I really CANNOT be bothered to clean it
5)my car is also filthy and I cannot clean it either.
6) I cannot think of any witty or clever remarks for the Present Clinic, as the very thought of christmas is making me feel very grumpy.

La Belette Rouge said...

I love what you did with my meme. Snarky, dark, and cynical comes to me so much more easily than happy, positive and sunshiney.
1. I spent an hour blow drying my hair yesterday thinking I would get 2 days out of that investment. I woke up with hair that belongs to a troll who lives under a bridge.

2.My toes are in a dire need of a pedicure but they look so bad I could not go to a nail salon without being laughed at in Vietnamese.

3. The coffee maker is so far away.

4.There is so much dust on my nightstand that it looks like I put fake snow on it for a festive holiday effect.

5. I am so hating the holidays because the holidays are all about stupid kids and we don't have a stupid kid so who cares about the stupid holidays.

6. My family.
Le sigh! That felt good. Thanks, E!!!

Kate said...

1. daycare (or lack of it) issues. what to do? where to send the offspring? how to choose when no option seems a very good one and the husband and i don't agree and will never agree since we are from 2 different cultures?
2. tired. i need some sleep.
3. work. work. work. work. work. it's all i do. i work. i take care of my kid. i don't sleep much. i have too much work to sleep and too little sleep to work.
4. my knees hurt too. especially my right one. climbing the stairs to my apartment makes me whimper.
5. my house is a mess. my husband doesn't see this or see how he could help fix it.
6. i hate christmas. i don't have gifts for several people and i don't want to. nobody is going to get me anything i really want anyway so i don't feel like getting anything for anyone else either.
7. i like cooking but i have no energy for it. my child lives on pasta, pancakes, grilled cheese and peanut butter sandwiches. it's pathetic. and while i type this, i am at a house where the mom is cooking a nutritious and delicious meal for lunch. and the kids had ridiculously healthy muffins for a snack. how does she do that with 2 kids?

WV tells me to say alc. ALC! ALC! ALC! It's not making me feel better.

Persephone said...

They make you sharpen crayons? Or are we talking des crayons?

1. Younger daughter has gone full circle. Now in Grade Six, she is pacing by herself at the edge of the playing field at each recess, just as she did in Grade Three. I was on library duty and went out and read "The Sorcerer's Apprentice" to her to make myself feel better.

2. Four bloody field trips this month. Four two-way trips involving listening to loud renditions of "99 Bottles of Beer" and "Sipping Cider Through a Straw". Four attempts to help younger daughter through the unfamiliar as she tells me off.

3. It's been raining last night so the snow is now slick ice. Minutes ago, ice pellets start to fall. This isn't winter; it's Frozen Limbo.

4. I asked elder daughter to procure me a ticket to her high school's James Thurber play. See #3.

5. The buses in Ottawa are going on strike next week. Two and a half weeks before Christmas. We don't have a car.

6. Sweeps month being over, television is now a vast array of sickly-sweet Christmas specials, hip and cynical Christmas specials, and reality TV finales. And my elder daughter adores the last of these. Where did I go wrong?

Is that enough? I didn't even get into Parent/Teacher interviews...

Word verification: "beash" 1) a leash for your non-canine monster; 2) an imprecation after guzzling Bailey's Irish Cream straight from the bottle.

Sasha said...

Oooh! This is fun!

1. It's ridiculously cold in the house. I put my coat and hat on when I woke up. I'm scared to shower because there are places icicles just shouldn't hang from.

2. Toothpaste in the sink. It bothers me just how often this happens.

3. Wedding plans. I've stopped caring and there are still eight months to go! The next time someone asks me about how the plans are going, I'm going to hide under my bed.

4. The house is not up to my mother's standards, even though she drops over all the time and says things like "oh, it's okay. I understand that you're busy and dusting takes time."

5. People keep dropping hints about what they want for Christmas, even though I've been saying since September that we're not doing presents this year. Can't afford it.

6. The rechargable batteries for my camera are terrible. I get about a dozen pictures out of one charge. Non-rechargable batteries last longer.

7. DB complains endlessly about how cold he gets biking to work, but won't lift a finger to figure out where the winter stuff got to.

I feel surprisingly better right now! Thanks for that!

Jaywalker said...

Let it all out, let it all out.

Justme - cut a toe off.

Belette - now I know how to describe my dust "seasonal fake snow".

Kate - maybe you need to try it louder. Have you tried screaming? AAAALLLC.

Sasha - also here with the cold house (cold dustbin according to CFO).

Jaywalker said...

Persephone - 1 is sad, 2, 3, 5 just cruel and 4 and 6 mainly puzzling. Poor Persephone. Let's not get into parent/teacher interviews eh? We'll both be beashing.

ptooie said...

1. We go to Texas Saturday, on a 6:45am flight, for the annual holiday visit to the in-laws.
2. I have not even begun to shop for the very few people who WILL be getting gifts from us this year, which includes people in Texas who actually like some things from Ohio.
3. I still(!) am stuck in my walking boot, and have spent the day lugging the pop-up laundry hamper up and down the stairs to the basement as it is the only way I can carry clothing without falling down the stairs. The leg is now quite sore, and I'm only through 1 load of washing.
4. Starting today I am off work for over a week (vacation for the Texas trip) and OF COURSE I feel 'off', as in, I think I've caught the darn cold a couple coworkers brought in this week.
5. This morning I ran out of creamer for my coffee. Not even enough for 1 cup.
6. This morning my 3yo was sitting in the chair in her room, trying to dress herself, and even though she had a pull-up on, managed to pee all over the chair cushion. This will lead to much grief from the husband tonight when he notices the stain the cleaning fluid made.

Red Shoes said...

1. have WAY too much work to do to even be doing this list
2. I also have to cook chicken cacciatora for 13 people tonight. before 6pm
3. my temples are throbbing, it's raining and my sinuses are angry
4. my cat won't shut up
5. I haven't got enough energy to be narky. instead I'm just frazzled and irritable
6. I snapped at my wife when she called me from work "just to tell me she loves me". I am an ass.
7. I just want a nap.

Anonymous said...

1)I can’t participate in The Present Clinic - it makes me too anxious and/or impulsive. I am giving 4 Ebola ties this holiday, three to people over 60.

2)I have a urinary infection and go to the bathroom every 5 minutes and the urine is day-glo orange (medicine effect) - it marks the bowl. My co-workers are leaving post-it notes that begin “If you sprinkle when you tinkle…” –
3)My children have left me paunchy.
4)My teeth are very brown.
5)I bought some skirts on sale (non-returnable) without trying them on. On last visit to Ladies, I found that they don’t fit (make paunch paunchier) and that their prints look a lot like Ebola. They have day-glo orange "sprinkles" now due to the tight space.
6)The work day yawns before me.

Pochyemu said...

Mine are quite the same as everyone elses, but that in itself is helpful.

1. I leave for America next Thursday but I can't get excited on account of having to do two 3,000 word essays before I go.

2. The house is a fucking STY! A tip! A dump! And no one else in this house seems to mind/want to help sort it out! ("I caaan'ttt, I've got to get to Aikiiiddddoo" he whines)

3. My mother, whom I haven't seen in a year, is a Weight Watchers leader. That 20kg or so that I meant to lose before seeing her? Still there, minus maybe 5kg.

4. I got my student loan for the month 2 weeks ago and I'm already broke. A very expensive trip to the dentist (to be told I have beautiful teeth and no problems), driving lessons, train fare and groceries have made me skint with no cash for Christmas presents.

5. My sister-in-law's baby is due to be born at the beginning of next month. I've got baby envy again and it's awfully painful. Not as painful as childbirth maybe, but...

6. Found out today that commuting into London every day to attend the MA program I want to take next year will cost £300pm. I can't afford that, neither can I afford to move into London. I can't afford a newer, reliable car. What's a girl to do?

NB. Jaywalker, I think the response to Christmas Clinic has been great!

Vanessa said...

1. Taking the ancient, toothless, hobbling dog outdoors to do her dog business in the freezing cold, thrice daily. She is such a pathetic ball of dull fur and crusty nails that it's really the only time during the day that I can interact with her, and she loves it, but she takes forever and it is so cold that I scold and hurry her along. I hate myself before, after and during each trip. I get nervous when she wags her tail at me.

2. Gnawing at a giant pan of brownies in the kitchen, which contain too many substitutions and turned out slightly wrong. There is a triumphant fork sticking straight up and down in the disgusting mess and I return to it every few hours, then sit on the couch, my mind and pulse racing from the sugar, wondering whether to take a Xanax or throw the pan out. Guess which I choose.

3. Getting bundled up like lumbering beasts to suffocate on a tiny airplane and negotiating an airport and customs on Christmas Eve, all to give and get meaningless junk in unnamed Canadian city. Then we lug it back home, paying extra baggage fees for the privilege. I worry that perhaps the handlers are Ebaying my belongings as we roll and shuffle round and round the airport in Chicago, with tired feet and evil in my heart after sucking in my gut for 4 days straight, waiting for a seat. In the airport or on a plane. Either would be fine. I just need to get back home to the calcified pan of brownies.

4. Acne, just in time for #3, par cause de #2.

5. The hyper-feminine women who populate my apartment building and intimidate me at the communal exercise room, who sneer at my choice of entertainment on the gym's television and who send me scuttling back upstairs to the mangled brownie mess. (I think working out to stand-up comedy is cathartic.)

6. With an inner child hanging on the nether rungs of Maslow's Hierarchy, Christmas will never live up to my ridiculous expectations. This year, with the push and pull of tanking global markets and ever-lowering prices on all the lovely things I want (need), I can only sit on the sofa watching Secret Millionaire, alternately tearful, full of rage, and confused.

Sorry to monopolize your comments! I love it that you live Belgium; your blog is always there for me when I wake up in the middle of the night to visit the brownie pan.

katyboo1 said...

1. My hair is crunchy. Nobody should have crunchy hair.
2. I had stew for dinner. I didn't want stew for dinner. Nor did I want to cook stew.
3. Got tickets for the school play today.
4. I am so tired and I still cannot sleep properly.
5. I am sick to death of being on an economy drive.
6. Saving the worst till last. We are going to Norfolk for the weekend. This means. Norfolk, mother in law, bad food and no internets.

on the upside, my word verification is dograth.

Jaywalker said...

Vanessa - I am seeing that all so vividly it's hurting my soul. There's a special place for you on my euro altar of tedium (TM Peevish) that I am currently building out of tortoise droppings and dust. I love you; move to Belgium please.

Anon - the orange wee and passive aggressive post its just heighten the whole thing in an impressive, impressive way. I have been banned on all sides from gifting ebola ties. I am very frustrated.

Ptooie - the boot! you will never be free of it. Never.

Red Shoes - cat cacciatora perhaps?

Pochyemu - perhaps: you will get ebola and lose the 20kg; the baby will be horribly ugly; I will write one of your essays. Perhaps. The rest is harder. But cheer up, you have beautiful teeth!

I love how popular this feature always is. More more more!

Jaywalker said...

Katyboo - fuck stew, fuck Norfolk, fuck crispy hair. Fuck the fucking economy.

Vanessa - every time I read your comment something else grabs me. Please write a book or something. Please?

Grit said...

1. The black lead on the white coffee machine.
2. Time. Not having enough of it, and messing with what I have.
3. Now I come to think about it, All time. Day, night, all schedules, anything requiring routine, 'time management' or any organisation involving clocks.
4. Double booking, thanks to my inability to handle am/pm.
5. How we miss lessons, events, workshops, anything interesting thanks to my inability to handle how many hours there are in a day, or indeed, what day it is.
6. My total inability to estimate accurately how much time anything will take. 'Oh! A couple of hours!' I blithely say, in response to a question like 'How long will it take you to drive from London to Glasgow?'.

DCup said...

The minute you mentioned soul sucking children I was in!
(1) MathMan is annoying me by waving a sword at me. Sadly, that is not a euphemism.
(2) The Dancer and The Actor are in the Nutcracker this weekend. There seems to be this perception that the show should take my life, too.
(3) There's this itch under my boobs...
(4) Someone just passed gas next to me
(5) We're broke
(6) I have to get up in the morning.
Petty, whiny - that's me!

Ali said...

1) None of my bras fit. I'm breastfeeding so boobs are huge but I can't justify buying new bras (in my tiny retarded mind) so I suffer.
2)Lack of sleep is killing me but I am unable to get myself off to bed before 1am then fall asleep all day.
3)There are children everywhere and they never shut up.
4)It is our wedding anniversary tomorrow and it only dawned on him a couple of days ago that a present may be a good idea (when I blogged about it). I want diamonds but will have to settle for something waaaaaay less shiny.
5)My thighs.
6)The mess and the washing and the mess and the disgusting and the mess

Thanks for that

Jaywalker said...

Grit - how can this be. Every time I go over to yours you have been on some ludicrously educational trip.

DCup - that's barely whiny at ALL! Go on. More.

Ali - 6. So very much. Do you want an advent calendar for your anniversary? I have spares....

Simon said...

1) I hate my boss (ooh - original!)
2) I have to buy a new bed but it's far too complicated and insanely expensive.
3) My daughter drives me mad with her constant sniffing
4) Laundry - it's never-ending.
5) Flourescent light plus computer screen seven hours a day plus very little daylight at this time of year = constantly tired and sore eyes.
6) People who want things for Xmas that can't be bought online. That's just so inconsiderate.

Juci said...

Ali, please get yourself a good bra, it makes such a difference.
1. My 8mo baby weighs about 20lbs. He cannot sit or stand yet, so every time I have to pick him up I have to bend down all the way, and he likes to be held a lot. And I love holding him, but my back is breaking. He's just so fucking heavy.
2. On top of the pain in my back and waist, I must have fallen on my ass because there is a bump on my sacrum and it hurts like hell when I sit down.
3. I don't even want to tell you what's growing on the inside of my thigh but it's probably going to need surgical removal. Husband is severely grossed out.
4. Our kid's been born in April and I still haven't been near a gym, a beautician or a hairdresser's. I'm lazy, I don't have the time or the energy and I have nobody to look after the baby.
5. I'm still breastfeeding, which is great, but it means that my oestrogen (I think) levels are pretty low, as a result of which - I'd rather not go into details, let me just say that (in case husband still wants his flabby, unkempt wife) sex hurts like hell.
6. I live in a country that I don't much care for, in a village with 2 buses every hour to civilization. I have no friends or family nearby. I am home all day with a baby. Actually, I congratulate myself every day for being reasonably balanced and sane.
7. Don't even get me started on housework, cooking or writing my thesis.
That felt good, thank you.

Jaywalker said...

Juci - Why don't you take one of those 2 buses a week to my house and let me play with your baby while you do something nice like get a haircut or read a book or merely lie in the dark moaning gently? I have managed to keep mine alive for a number of years now. I am sure I can manage a couple of hours with yours. Lashes LOVES babies too. Genuine offer. You do live in Belgium don't you? I'm sure you do.

Simon - the sniffing. Yes. So very much:
E: Use. A. Tissue.
L: Why? It's easier to do this (hideous phlegm hawking noise)
E: That noise is making St Nicolas veeerrry unhappy.
You might want to try that.

livesbythewoods said...

Ooh, marvellous. Right:

1) Mr WithaY has yet another cold so is trailing about the house in his dressing gown (if it's early enough) or in a huge number of thick tweedy layers. The heating is on all day. It is stifling in here.

2) I am panicking about being trapped in London one day as a result of frozen trains between Wiltshire and work.

3) Fucking Microsoft Project. Fuck it.

4) I need to go grocery shopping. We are reduced to eating cinnamon sticks and frozen un-nameable fish that has been in the freezer for about 3 years. I hate grocery shopping, especially at this time of year.

5) Christmas. It's all about joy. Not in my head, not this year.

6) Money. Worked out this week that I am actually 100 quid a month worse off in my new job, once the 400 quid a month train travel is taken into account. Arse.

My word: Shedu. Apt, as we have Kevin the Decorator putting a new roof on the woodshed even as I type.

Chantal said...

I love this but am horribly late...

1)It took me an hour and a half to get home (late) last night in sub-Arctic conditions because despite having the oldest tube system IN THE WORLD somehow London Underground never got it together to provide a service that goes west-east across north London. Well done boys, give yourselves a pat on the back there.
2)I really really wanted a smoked salmon sandwich from Pret this morning; I got one, the butter was rancid. Foul.
3) Despite giving my mother strict and simple instructions as to what to get my boyfriend (not picky, just wanted a v specific thing) she has got him something completely random that he will be nonplussed by.
4) I am trying to get a party of 11 into the River Cottage* for the 2nd January and despite the fact I have emailed twice and left a phone message, no fucker has got back to me yet. Hmph.
*this is secretly so that I can seduce Hugh F-W in the linen cupboard and have his tousle-haired children.
5) The new person at works clearly thinks I am the departmental secretary (I'm a PA) and keeps asking me to type up his minutes for him, minutes which he should have been taking notes on anyway, given his seniority. He is a twat.
6) The CD I ordered for my mother which is incredibly obscure and rare and was being shipped by unicorns from the land of Shangri-La has ominously not arrived yet. I fear maternal Christmas disappointment.
7) My new boots, which I hiked the length of bloody Oxford St on Saturday (yes, Saturday) to get in the sale have a squeaky heel. I cannot identify the source of the squeak, nor can I take them back, because they were in the sale.

On a brighter note, my WV is Comenini, which is probably the name of the obscure composer of the lost CD...

Jaywalker said...

Chantal - My stupid dear beautiful Rupert Sanderson red shoes make a noise like a tortured seagull whenever I wear them. Ark ark ark all down the street/corridor.
Shoes - I dreamed and saved for you for months and this is how you repay me?
Please don't have Hugh FW's tousle headed children. For me? Please? The vision is burning my retinas.

Juci said...

Oooh, are you serious? How nice ARE you? (There's actually a beautician in Ixelles who speaks Hungarian which is so much easier when it comes to the obligatory small talk during torture. My Phlegmish is patchy at best.) If you mean it, I might take you up on that offer sometime. Maybe before the holidays?
I realise - reading back what everyone wrote - that I probably took the assigment a little too seriously and instead of listing 'small grievances or irritations' I turned on the Whine-O-Mat, full throttle. I apologise for that.
My WV is 'diatt'. Now that's a punch in the face.

Jaywalker said...

Totally Juci. Email the waffle mail and we will arrange. If you trust your precious son in the den of waffle filth, that is...

Chantal said...

Ah, but I love Hugh. I cannot renounce him! It is the love that dare not speak its name.

Jaywalker said...

Livesbythewoods - this "less money than before" business is no good. I suggest you start picking pockets on your crowded commuter train home.

Potty Mummy said...

Clearly no more validation required in your comment box Jaywalker... so would you mind if turned my list into a post instead?

Barb McMahon said...

1)Here in Canada, you cannot wear decent shoes for six months of the year - you must wear ugly boots which squeak loudly on tiled floors.

2)The existence and necessity of toques.

3)There is a smell coming from our brand-new fridge that neither one of us is brave enough to explore.

4)Despite having been laid off from work over a month ago, I have yet to spend a single day wallowing about in my jammies.

5)I think I have gallstones. Hello, middle age!

6)The existence of Christmas.

Thanks for this service! I feel much better.

But I'm still not going to brave that fridge....

Juci said...

I will wafflemail you, but I must share a splendid idea of mine that I got while I was thinking about how I could do you a kindness in turn.
A website should be created with the purpose of people listing the kind of help they needed and the kind of help they would be able to offer. A system of credits should be installed so that you could, say, get 1 credit for an hour of dog-walking, 2 for an hour of babysitting, 3 for an hour of cleaning etc. Then you could use those credits to, say, have someone help you write your papers or wash your car. No money would be involved, which is good I think, but unfortunately most of it would only work for people living in the same city, consequently you would need a large enough city to cover all kinds of needs. Still, genius, huh?

Iheartfashion said...

Oh, Jaywalker, I read your list aloud to my husband and he said, "It's uncanny; she's living your parallel life!" From the insistence of my kids jumping on my soon-to-be-replaced arthritic knee to my hatred of cooking, I'm with you on all the complaints (minus the wig issues), and with the addition of a painful bunion.

Red Shoes said...

Phew! Today is a new day. Today, yesterday's list is a faint, bad memory.

While I still have too much work to do, it will be easier today what for not having to be interrupted with cooking.

Speaking of cooking, the chicken cacciatore came out beautifully, along with the cannellini with pignoli and tomatoes I served on the side. I have never cooked for any more than 4 people before, so cooking for 13 was terrifying. It all worked out. I am obviously crazy talented. *beams arrogantly*

No rain today and the Imitrex I ended up having to take yesterday made the migraine disappear. So far, it has not returned, crossing my fingers. Am also well rested. Ahh, it's nice.

My cat still will not shut up. I think he is defective. At least today, the wailing isn't echoing in my brain like something from a E.A. Poe tale.

So, hooray for new beginnings. It is early enough in the day that I have not accumulated a new list of woes yet. All is well.

Kitschen Pink said...

Oh I love it here! Aquick pop here and suddenly I don't feel so inadequate! Can I cheat - 1-7 I want to do this but just haven't time to stay! Poop! Pour me a gin!

nappy valley girl said...

1) My husband has buggered off to Sam Francisco for five days, leaving me in sole charge of children
2) Immediately he left the timings on the heating system stopped working
3) My children are beating each other up. At the moment. as I'm writing.
4) The credit crunch is killing off all my work
5) My buggy is covered in dogshit
6) I thought Amazon had cancelled one of my Christmas present orders, so I went and blew lots of money in Hamleys. Now I find the present is coming after all....

PS I hardly wear any makeup, either. I probably need to, but itt's just too much effort.

Jaywalker said...

NVG - your heating too? mine does that whenever CFO goes. hot water too. it's a treat

RedShoes - brava! You did good.

Iheart - there is some obscure comfort in knowing I'm not alone. But then that sounds cruel to you - sorry. Let's do as Katyboo suggests and get our knees replaced with giant castors.

Juci - I am sure this exists/existed in UK. Back me up UK people?

Barb - please don't have gallstones. That sounds sore. Have you checked if there is a tortoise hibernating/dead in your fridge?

Completely Alienne said...

On a friday night after a long hard boring week of lawyering this is too good an opportunity to miss;
1 I am always tired, tired, tired
2 I want to retire and I can't for years yet as I have to support the brats through the rest of their school years and then university. sigh
3 I have to spend tomorrow with my family to exchange christmas presents
4 I have to spend next saturday with my in laws for same purpose
5 The washing up fairy never comes any more and I have to do it myself these days
6 The bloody hamster has started collecting her poo up and shoving it out of the cage on to the work surface in front of the microwave.

Thank you for allowing me to whinge on your blog, I could go on and on and on ... but I won't

justme said...

Oooooooo! This is SUCH a popular post! Perhaps we could have it once a week as 'have a whinge' day??? Amhappy to know not alone. Red Shoes. You are positivelt SQUATTING on this blog, and while I doubt Jaywalker minds at all, and I am happy to see that you are somewher......I do think you should have your OWN little space for drivvel and nonsense, like the rest of us! Jaywalker? Do you agree?

Red Shoes said...

I'm so embarrassed and ashamed. Really sorry. Really. It's bad blog comment etiquette, isn't it? I'll stop.

Nicky said...

Hurrah for whinging. After much 'lurking' I feel the need to join the chorous- Thankyou, JW! Here are a choice few of my own many grievances:

1. I have that ominous swollen glanded wheezy cough feeling telling me I am about to be horribly ill. I am about to work an eleven hour split-shift day. This is not good timing.

2. Most have my skin has become grey and/or scaly (winter effect? I hope?!?). Fingers crossed I do not pull for a long time.

3. On the other hand, it is so long since I have pulled that even married men often back away from me nervously. I worry at the signals I am giving out.

4. It is so cold. It is all I ever talk about. I have become more boring than a song by Girls Aloud. I want a hot water bottle body suit for Christmas, please, St. Nick.

5. The bus to work is driven by a joy rider trapped in the body of a provincial bus driver, making me nautious, bruised and want to hurl obscene swearwords at him as I disembark. But I am too timid for anything but a tight lipped "ta", leading to a morning of pent up rage.

6. The Kings of Leon. They used to be my hairy, dirty gods, yet they seem to be turning into Razorlight. Sigh.

Ah, yes, so much better! Thankyou!

Jaywalker said...

CA - the hamster is particularly cruel. Post it back in! Bad hamster.

I love Red Shoes commenting, even multiple commenting every day would be FINE with me. Justme - you are just buoyed by our success in getting Pochyemu blogging and hoping for a repeat.

Nicky - I'm so glad you joined in. The bus driver! Completely Alienne might be able to help with the hot water bottle body suit. She made one out of bubble wrap, you know..

Red Shoes said...

Thank you, Jaywalker, for your compassion. I can't even think of name for a blog, much less of what to say on it (RedShoes appears to have been claimed by someone else, bastards). I am in continual awe of your blog, however. You have set the barre too high.

Jaywalker said...

RedShoes - pff, nonsense. I am boring myself silly with all my complaining. I have vowed to be More Interesting, so watch out for imminent self-induced breakdown.
We could find you a great name! Totally. You know we could.