Moving on! To! The Belgian Waffle Advent Calendar Super Christmas Competition! Drumroll please.
Behold, feast your bloodshot eyes on the wonder of the Belgian Waffle Advent Calendar!
Shall we take a closer look at these twenty four days of seasonal joy I have prepared for you? Yes. I think we should.
No Belgian advent calendar would be complete without beer. Your very own bottle of Hoegaarden. All yours.
St Nicolas shaped speculoos biscuits, eye drops, medication for stomach cramps, and a giant bar of chocolate called "Big Nuts". All for you, sweet reader.
"Extra fine" rubber gloves and Migraleve. Truly a winning combination (menacing shadow not included)!
The icing on the cake! Rewarding you for your loyalty to the Waffle calendar throughout the festive season, St Nicolas is on hand to present you with this treat sized bottle of extremely cheap gin (note the cunning similarity of "Gibson's" and "Gordon's". Clever, Belgian cheap gin manufacturers. I salute you).
All this, friends, and much MUCH more (tortoise popsicle anyone?). Also, the cloth calendar type thing comes from Marimekko so it's posh and that. This is a genuine prize, worth literally ones of Euros. A once in a lifetime opportunity for a little slice of Belgium.
I know you are all breathless with anticipation, dying to find out how to get your hands on the unique, hand-picked delights of the calendar. The answer, internet, is very simple. Tell me your worst Christmas story. Bad gifts, bad relatives, implausible accidents? Pet disasters? Sexual or social misdemeanours? Beheaded turkeys running awild round your backyard? Drop your seasonal high jinks into the comments box, or send your story to the waffle mail. The one that makes me laugh or gasp hardest wins the whole damn lot. Yes! The winner takes all. The loser might get some chocolate or an atomium. OR NOT. I'm arbitrary like that.
Closing date for entries, let's say this Friday 12 December so the winner has a chance of sneaking his, or much more likely, her, booty past Belgian customs in time for Christmas. What are you waiting for? There's cheap gin up for grabs! Go!