Friday, 5 December 2008

It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas - pass the valium

The turkish bishop is coming, look REALLY well-behaved and, uh, make sure there's beer

"So, Lashes, Fingers, what does St Nicolas need? Do we leave him anything?"

"Uh, sugar for his coffee. Or his donkey. And shoes. And beer."

"Is wine ok?"


"We haven't got any beer"


"Listen, Fingers, we'll leave him a note. I'm sure it will be fine"


"Dammit, if this is the effect it has on you I'm telling him NOT TO BOTHER COMING!"

[Emma exists stage left, muttering phlegmish curses]

Spelling and politesse are not the CFO's strong suits, but he is a very direct communicator. Let's hope St Nicolas will appreciate the sentiment, at least.

The credit crunch hits big bad bastard law firms and we don't care one bit

BMF: I have just received the list of prizes on offer for our Christmas raffle. It includes "an office chair" and "dinner for 4 in the partners' dining room". I can't help but feel this is significant.

Less fun than this would be difficult

I commented earlier today on the Hairy Farmer's blog that I was generally complimentary to the CFO on these pages. Of course, moments thereafter he surgically removed the fun from my afternoon with such precision and grim determination that I have to complain just a little. I don't even feel up to details. Suffice to say, if an intensely cost-conscious Frenchman makes you the unforgettable offer of expedited Christmas shopping at an out of town shopping centre in the driving rain the eve of St Nicolas, and said Frenchman has a furious hatred of queueing, a morbid fear of spoiling children and a desire not to spend any money, the best thing you can do is decline graciously. Unless you want to experience the kind of dark night of the soul in the video game aisle that leads you to question your life, and romantic choices, in the most profound fashion. And to spend the rest of the day snarling with resentment. I'm just saying, ok? Just in case the situation arises. Every year Christmas nearly leads to the irreconcileable breakdown of our relationship, and every year I forget shortly thereafter. If I start to sound perky in late November next year, I'll be counting on you to remind me of today.

He also indicated that from January he would look very darkly on 'out of hours' (evening, weekend) blogging. I have yet to take a view on this. It's for his own good. If I were to take a view now, it would involve disembowelling.

Does your conjoint/concubin/époux/partner impose blogging limits? Am I within my rights to stick something sharp up his nose? Answers on a glittery postcard with a donkey on.

Oh, and worst of all, one of us appears to be auditioning for panto. Horrors!


Pochyemu said...

We row all. the. time. Anytime we have to spend money generally. It's a touchy subject when there's not a lot of it.

He doesn't care how much I'm online (except now he always asks in a sing-song voice, 'Are you blloogggiinnggg? Blloogger!') but I have issues when how much he's away with these stupid lessons. That is, every night, 6 days a week.

I decided for us to go see someone to help us work though this annoyance, on top of others - also someone who will help convince him to do his share of the housework, etc. I have a feeling this will be good for us because basically we have nothing in common!

Fat Controller said...

Mrs Controller imposes a ban on blogging IN working hours, but then our situation is a little different as it we have our own business, and SHE'S THE BOSS (or so she tells me). She also takes a dim view of blogging when we really ought to be in bed. Apart from that, she's remarkably enlightened.

mountainear said...

I should stick the glittery postcard, on a donkey, up it.

Vanessa said...

Set him up with a blog about tortoises and a membership to tortoise forums ( for Christmas? Get him on Twitter, subscribed to tortoise and finance feeds? Set up tort-related RSS feeds in Google Reader for him? Alternately, craft yourself a Valium Advent calendar. I can personally recommend this approach.

Persephone said...

I haven't told the Resident Fan Boy I have a blog, although he probably suspects. Since I haven't admitted it, we don't discuss it. Besides, he's far too afraid of me...

Potty Mummy said...

Husband knows better than to diss the blogging. If he did, he would have to listen to my pointless wittering. I think he feels it's best set free in the ether instead...

La Belette Rouge said...

No blogging limits and never a spending limit. These are two of the big reasons we have such a happy marriage.;-)

Vanessa: I LOVE your idea for a Valium Advent Calendar. I want to make one for my Wellbutrin only I am not crafty. I am off to see if some creative depressive on Etsy has mde one.

katyboo1 said...

He has grumbled in the past, but is hoping I eventually write a bestseller or get discovered or become a hard nosed investigative journalist and thus make money from it.

Plus, he worries about what will happen to my brain if I don't have anywhere to dump it all. He is afraid I might explode and he needs someone to cook nourishing stew and wipe bottoms.

He swings between being very hysterical about money, and quite relaxed. I save all the receipts until the relaxed times and ride out the hysterical ones by smiling beatifically and stabbing his dinner viciously while I cook it.

Mr Farty said...

I don't whine about Mrs F's fascination with CSI Miami and she doesn't know or care that I blog. We get along just fine. Although when she said that she loved Horatio, I got completely the wrong end of the stick, as it were.

Leslie said...

The Y chromosome I live with complains about evening blogging as well. But he's underemployed sooooo... doesn't that make me the CFO?

bevchen said...

The boyfriend has never said anything about my blogging habits, but then again we don't live together. And I think he actually likes the fact that I blog because it means I don't tell him every single thing I'm thinking, then forget I've already told him and go through it all again. I complain when he decides to read computer geek type forums at midnight, but that's because I have to be up for work at 6:30 and as the computer is in my bedroom there's no way I can sleep when he's on it.

DCup said...

Can we just cancel the holidays? The Spawn asked if we were going to have a "real Christmas" this year (last year, we spent a total of $15 per child - apparently that didn't qualify as "real"). They were unamused by my noting that they are Jewish and thus Christmas is an anathema for them anyway.

I've now received some very sharply worded notes regarding Chanukah gift requests. The nerve.

MathMan no longer bitches about the amount of blogging I do. Though he is on a tear about how many blogs I read and comment on regularly. What? He knew I was a slut when he married me!

Now he blogs and we fight about commenting back to commenter policies, who has more readers and what subjects are taboo (so far none or mostly none).

Hells bells, I believe this just turned into a post. Sorry to be such a hog.

Try to do something other than disemboweling. Too messy.

Kate said...

My Frog doesn't complain (or didn't when I actually blogged) because our evenings involve a lot of independent activity. Now he complains about how much I work since I work nights and weekends. He doesn't have a leg to stand on to complain about anything I do as I do pretty much everything at home and for our child and he spends his evenings playing video games until the wee hours... about which I complain (read: yell, whine, criticize) bitterly... god that was depressing to reread.

And shopping with significant others is almost always a bad idea, unless your SO is a gay man.

Full disclosure: I am typing this as I wait for Frog so we can go buy a rug, curtain rods and hopefully a gift for my SIL and her SO. And godhelpme we're bringing the toddler too. Why do I have the feeling I should be doing this alone?

Jaywalker said...

Pochyemu - you are very brave and sensible. I would fear that if we saw someone they would say I was the unreasonable one, and the whole of my universe would implode. Tell me if that happens eh?

FC - that seems fair, but do you comply?

Mountainear - how does a packet of surplus ikea screws? I have LOTS of those today.

Vanessa - I am really seriously considering making the advent calendar. And having a competition to win it. Tortoise forum! I'd never hear from him again! Going to tell him now.

Persephone - I used to inspire fear. Sadly something went wrong somewhere along the line.

Potty Mum/Belette - very. jealous. Also Bevchen. CFO and I living separately would solve SO many problems. I'm not sure which of us would be Helena and which Tim though.

Katyboo - you blog even more than me as well. You are my yardstick for (cough cough) normality. So that's ok then. But I am jealous.

Leslie! Do you have spreadsheets?

Mr F - oh dear.

DCup - I love it when you do that. Anytime. Yes. Let's cancel the holidays. Instead we can open our valium advent calendars and wear fleece pyjamas and only disembowel our relatives if they get really really annoying.

Kate - I'm going to need a report back on that. Let me just say that today was: Ikea. Both children (not in smafeckingland). The day after the last shopping débacle. Also, I often wish the CFO was a gay man. Including today. Indeed, all this week.

Grit said...

no way does he impose blogging limits. NO WAY. and it aids marriage communication tremendously. now if he wants to know what life is like for me i answer 'piss off and read the blog'.

Jaywalker said...

Grit - I'm a little jealous. A lot, actually. Where did my scary go? I used to be terrifying. Now I'm just laughable.