Monday, 22 December 2008

Inept photographic catch up

I owe you a number of photos and here they are, uploaded agonisingly slowly putting my relationship with the CFO at increasingly imminent jeopardy. And for what? They are pretty shit. I give you, for example, this:

"Lashes, can you take a picture of my new coat?"


Lashes? You can go back to Pokémon in a minute"



"Pff, Dialga is about to combat Nosferapti!"

"Do you WANT your pocket money?"

"Ug, pff. Hmm. Here you go"

"Uh, thank you?"

Next! Eyebrows. No longer orange. Well, unless you look too closely. You wouldn't want to do that anyway, because:

(a) my eyelids of a woman three times my age would scare you witless; and

(b) I might poke you. I am a woman on the edge! Two weeks holiday with what appears to be a herd of ill-disciplined spider monkeys. Do NOT invade my personal space.

Closely followed by new hair.

Do I always look this gloomy? Why yes, I believe I do.

If you look closely you can see the moth holes on this one.

Thank you whoever sold their hair for me, I hope you were handsomely remunerated, but I doubt it. Lovely. It's a bit pouffy and voluminous right now, but I will squash it into submission soon enough. It's already been coated in chocolate milk and hot dog and glitter glue, so it's well on its way to being tamed. At least I can go out in high winds without fearing for my elaborate comb-over.

Ok, you've suffered enough, here comes the good bit. Now! Last year, when we went to the Brussels Christmas market, I was so enchanted by these roundabouts that I felt I needed to share them with the world. I couldn't, of course. I just tried to explain them badly to everyone I met ("a giant beetle! a pterodactyl skeleton! a giant squid!) . Now, I can show you why Belgian children have the happiest childhoods in the world, despite their soviet education system. I mean, if I had had the chance to ride a giant rearing stag beetle in my childhood I would have renounced all rights to whine about how awful my life was for EVER. I tried to tell Lashes this.

He just asked for another hot dog, fifty three euros, a trip in the inflatable Lithuanian ice monster and five disposable hand warmers. He is crushing me with his exuberance at the moment, and I love it. Phew, he's not definitively broken yet then. At one point when I was melting down gently he said "fucking hell?", helpfully, in a questioning fashion, as if that might be the phrase I was searching for. Precisely. You took the words right out of my mouth. We also discussed Nathan's imminent birthday, with considerable mutual confusion.

Fingers waited about forty minutes to choose his ride. He went for the hot air balloon, eventually, after refusing to share anything with a long haired boy who he insisted was a girl. Like his father, he clearly belongs in the clearly delineated certainties of the nineteen fifties.

I AM having fun. This is my happy face.


Chameleon (moving tongue and eyes)

Squid/pterodactyl/submarine combo

Seahorse (with bearded lizard in background).

Oh, and a squid close up.

I don't think these really convey the magnificence. They are so beautiful. I wish I was five. Come to Brussels and ride the beetle!


lisa in san diego said...

those are unbelievably horrifying. my daughter would burst into tears immediately upon viewing. no wonder european children are so [comparatively] hardy.

your hair is fabulous!

bonnie-ann black said...

oh, i thought they were wonderful! at the bronx zoo here, there is a carousel with giant insects -- i rode the preying mantis... i love the carousel; i rode the one in paris without a qualm, as well as the one in edinburgh in the prince's street gardens. the only one i haven't ridden is the one in central park. a pterodactyl! i would happily have rode off in a pterodactyl.

i like the hair as well... sort of faery-ish.

my word is palicena... which sounds like the name of a young princess who rides bearded lizards in a story book.

DCup said...

Well, if my children get wind of this, their assumption that they are horrible deprived will be confirmed.

Your hair is fantastic!

P said...

Ohhhh...I like the new hair. It shows off your long, willowy neck.

lisa in san diego said...

i have an actual christmas present question that can only be answered by someone currently living in europe: my brother and sister-in-law live in france, and are expecting their first child/still setting up the baby's room. i'd like to send them an e-gift certificate from a fun store which will ship to them -- a place where they can find cool baby furniture/toys. any suggestions?

(they probably don't want a giant stag beetle. though maybe i am underestimating them.)

katyboo1 said...

Waah! I wanna ride a beetle and a sea horse and a pterodactyl and eat sweets until I am sick. That is too cool.
I shall not show these to my children. They will be booking trips to Brussels on Eurostar immediately.
I agree about your hair by the way. It looks very excellent. You are tres chic.

Iheartfashion said...

Your hair and eyebrows are excellent! Really really pretty.
And that carousel is fantastic.

Zed said...

Those eyebrows are a fantastic improvement and I love the hair - so Posh Becks, you'd be pleased to hear. Lovely enough to finally kill you. Joy.

I love those carousels too and just wish that I could go on them, but I fear I may squish the odd object or two.

justme said...

Lovely new hair! Very cool. And excellent eybrows too! Also neck....very elegant. And what I could see of the coat was delightful.
Please excuse me asking, but are the torts still alive in the crisper? I have been concerned, and you mentioned they were being monitered....

ptooie said...

Love the hair!
My older daughter would flip out (happy flip out) over that carousel! That is too cool! Something similar in the Bronx zoo you say, Bonnie? I see next summer's destination! (Brussels is a tad far from us, plus I am NOT forking out hundreds of dollars for small child passports)

Potty Mummy said...

Love the hair - and the fairground rides. Am quite glad my older son hasn't seen them though as he would probably never want to leave Brussels. And much as I like chips and chocolates...

Laura Jane said...

Great hair! It really suits you - and I don't think it is too pouffy - its just right. And the eyebrows are very elegant - are they tattoed?

The carousel is not to my taste I'm afraid (yes very afraid, and my offspring would have been too)

My son was taken to see the Dinomation exhibit when he was 3 and bolted through at a rate of knots. My Dad reported he could see where to chase him to catch up by the trail of terror he left behind him!

Juci said...

Oooh, love the hair! Very nice. Can you get the CFO to take another picture of the coat? This one doesn't really do it justice, I'm afraid.
I remember seeing this ride last winter. It's some kind of quaint Jules Verne thing, no? A very nice change from teacups and fire trucks, je trouve.

Jaywalker said...

Thank you for all the nice hair comments. You are lovely.

Lisa - you really don't like them? Damn, I love. Dark and twisted, like childhood. I found a great french website via Bloesem recently - I'll send you the details (no beetles, I promise)

Bonnie-ann - I love the thought of you riding carousels around the world.

DCup - Remind them about the terrible punitive schooling regime perhaps?

P - thank you my darling. I will probably ruin it within days...

Katyboo - come without them and we shall ride the giant squid together (that sounds like a euphemism, no?)

Iheart - ah, you are lovely. Thank you!

Zed - I am so glad I am up to being killed now.

Ah, Just me - two have been removed from hibernation due to excessive weight loss, but have woken up fine. The others are all still alive and appear healthy. You can stop having nightmares now.

Ptooie - there is even this fantastic 1950s rocket on it that goes right up through the canopy of the ride so riding child can see right up across market. Wonderful.

PM - oh go on. They already speak dutch..

Laura Jane - yes, tattooed. But she is very gentle and it doesn't hurt at all.

Juci - yes, so much fun. especially with small lizard lovers. They are made by those people who did the gigantic elephant (royale de luxe, is it? or is that a hamburger?)

Grit said...

shark would sell us all to get her hands on that giant squid so i won't tell her about them. but your hair looks fantastic, very stylish.

River said...

Ummm, tattooed eyebrows?
Love the carousel animals, soh more fun than the tame horses we get out here in Australia.

Simon said...

I love this carousel more than my own children. I took some photos myself here.

Kate said...

Hello there. Your hair is fantastic. Eyebrows are great. Coat looks fab from what I can see which means I have to be jealous of you.

I'm taking the punishment you assigned me. my daughter has a plastic dog that barks out BINGO while you drag it around and even more terribly boring books that only have words, not stories in them. The tat part is more than completed. Haven't watched Patric Sebastien yet, but I've only been here about 16 hours. I have however read about how they're taking Sous le soleil off the air and how Johnny never ceases to amaze Laeticia. How could I have ever left France?!

Jaywalker said...

Grit - it is wonderful, she is quite right. There are never enough giant fun filled squid in the world.

River - If you have a better idea how to make eyebrow looking things out of naked eyebrowless flesh, do let me know. It's not like I love spending an hour with a vibrating needle in my head.

Simon - great pics. If anyone wants to see the rocket, Simon has an excellent picture of it.

Kate - how was the "pizza"? Dare I ask? Also, thanks for gifting me "Soooous le soleiiiiiil" ear worm...

Red Shoes said...

Woo! Brows? Beautifully shaped. Hairs? Gorgeous. Your stylist is clearly worth his salt. Does he use a razor for that lovely fringe? It's stunning. I am really envious that you won't have to go back every 6-8 weeks for a trim. Mine is overlapping over the tops of my ears right now and I'm furious about it because I can't afford a new cut for at least another 3-4 weeks. Bah. Oh, I also love the color on yours. Ver ver nice, Jaywalker!

BTW, does your stylist really do Kylie, because I so have a crush on her.

At one point when I was melting down gently he said "fucking hell?", helpfully

Awww... profanity at it's tenderest. That's truly sweet.

I'd really, really, really love to ride the Beetle. That looks like the best carousel in the ever ever. What a chock full of wonderfullness post.

Jaywalker said...

Red Shoes - yes! Come ride the stag beetle with me! (every time I write something like this it sounds filthy. ah well. )

I am so glad you approve, since you are a woman of great taste (except in vampire related things).

He certainly does Kylie sometimes. I believe he even went to Paris to 'do' her for her birthday party...

Jaywalker said...

ps - red shoes! Did you get the table on your Ikea-thon?

Red Shoes said...

I did, I did! I will put it together soon and post pictures on my poor, neglected blog. I also took pictures of a little bit of Texas for you to enjoy. It's... ehm... really something.

Thanks for thinking I have nice taste. That's truly sweet of you. You will come around to the vampire boy, eventually, I'm certain of it. Don't forget, I've read about your crushes on various horrid people... You too could be swayed.

Pochyemu said...

LOVE the eyebrows. Gorge!

Kate said...

oh my. i came back in here to see where the comments were at and found "diess" as the WV. That can only mean bad things.

Jaywalker said...

Red Shoes - gah, ok, you got me. Curses.

Pochyemu - thank you! Are you surviving? Are you 400 lbs yet?

Kate - well, yes. And Johnny's new album is called 'ça ne finira jamais'. Quite.

Pochyemu said...

I AM surviving the forced cookie eating, yes, but barely! I shall lock myself in the gym and work out night and day upon my return, until my hips and ass no longer look as wide as the Niger Delta.

Merry Christmas to all you crazy Busselians!

My WV is 'garacros', which is obviously colloquial Australian for 'moving from one side of something to the other'

bonnie-ann black said...

just to let Ptooie know -- yes, *the* Bronx Zoo (best zoo in the world). the carousel is a recent addition but one i approve of. it is a *little* slower than i like -- i like to get dizzy from the speed and the whirling scenery -- but it is awesome in its insectiveness.

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