I am free of the shackles of NaBloPoMo, but you are not free from me, oh no. I am brimming with trivia to share.
Today I note:
1. I should never be left alone with a family sized bag of Maltesers. It is reminding me of the time Lashes upturned the fish food canister in the fish tank and the pontypines ate themselves to death. I feel just like one of those bloated belly-up corpses I spent the day fishing out of the tank with a sieve. Just, you know, fish me out retching gently and dispose of me. It's the only way.
2. If it is possible to get an emergency appointment with a specialist on short notice, there is probably a very good reason why he is free. Why thank you, Doctor Evil, for sticking a needle in my knee, painting it yellow and leaving it in all other respects identical! The new pain on the extreme right of my knee is indeed most distracting! Much better. Here are your fifty euros. Top of the morning to you!
3. BMF and I are BAD for each other. BMF decided that what we both needed this morning was a website full of interviews with ex-lawyers who have escaped the profession to do much more interesting, glamorous and creative stuff. Several of them have book deals. Or boutiques. The whole thing made me die inside.
E: Why did you send me this. WHY. I am going to hit myself in the head with this heavy "certified copy" stamp until the pain stops. Or is there anyone else you need me to hate with a passion today?
BMF: Oh god, I don't know why I exposed us to this. Hypothermia? Stop reading it.
E: Maybe we should set up a rival website called http://www.jealouslawyers.com/, for embittered lawyers to rage at their ex-colleagues good fortune and snark about the poor quality of their output.
BMF: That could work. But surely we need some content other than our deranged outbursts?
E: I can't imagine why.
4. Brussels taxi drivers are inordinately fond of blonde jokes. I had a litany of blonde jokes both on way to, and back from Doctor Evil's lair. There must have been a memo or something. One of them explained to me that blonde jokes existed because the Québécois called all women "blondes". I also now know where to find the cheapest petrol in Brussels (Chaussée de Mons).
5. Somehow I have managed to accumulate 6 advent calendars. This happens every year. I have not bought any Christmas presents. I do have 3 new baubles though. They are small wooden birds from here. They are mighty fine. No, I will not be giving them away as emergency Christmas gifts. They are MINE.
6. UK tv at 3am is quite comforting and informative for the sleepless and whimpering. I have found out many fascinating things in the last two nights on Kneewatch. I vouch for the veracity of none, however, since most were gleaned from Channel 5. The appearance of Channel 5 from nowhere on my tv is causing me great joy. There is nothing better for insomnia than implausible "factual" programming about freakish natural phenomena, animals, catastrophes or large machines narrated by shouty male voiceover artistes high on superlatives and hyperbole. When Lashes was tiny, the CFO used to sit on the sofa with him watching a series of peerless Channel 5 programmes called, variously "Ultimate tanks", "Ultimate submarines", "Ultimate combine harvesters" "Ultimate bridges", "Ultimate vacuum cleaners", etc etc while I tried to sleep. Only ONE of those is made up. Honestly.
Anyway. Alligator blood kills all known bacteria. Anna Ryder Richardson's camel died from inadequate worming treatment (and not, as Katyboo suspected, from too much swagging and stencil work). As an aside, the Wikipedia entry above says that Anna Ryder Richardson suggests that those thinking of getting a pet should instead adopt a Chinese baby. Given how she treated her pet camel, I am not sure it bodes well for any adoptee babies she may have in mind, but no matter. Kenneth Branagh makes a most inadequate Swedish detective. Rhino skin is an inch thick. Marks and Spencer still has money to burn on elaborate Christmas ads and Noémie Lenoir is still not allowed to wear any clothes. AT CHRISTMAS for god's sake. Can't the poor woman have a flannelette nightie at least? Some reindeer motif pyjamas? The Dutch version of "Beauty and the Geek" (Beauty en de Nerd) is better than the orginal, mainly because of not understanding the dialogue. The Simple Life is not improved by any alternative language versions available in Belgium, probably because they use subtitles. Nicole Richie dubbed into phlegmish might be very entertaining indeed.
Have you noted anything you'd like to share with the rest of the class today?