Thursday, 11 December 2008

Chop it off chop it off chop it off NOW

All hail the return, uninvited as ever, of the Knee of Death. Knee of Death! How very much I have not missed you in the brief fortnight since Doctor Evil stuck his massive needle in you. Roommate is not looking at me sideways with narrowed eyes, but has raided the first aid cupboard for Nurofen Max (pfff, the Knee of Death laughs in the face of Nurofen Max!) in defiance of several office regulations and put a box under my desk for the useless appendage, because she is charitable and I am the kind of person who kicks puppies for fun and pulls the wings off butterflies.

All this is merely verbal decoration around me telling you that Present Clinic is deferred until tomorrow due to my appointment with the Knee of Death. Oh, and remember, only 24 more hours to submit your horrid Christmas tales to win the Belgian Waffle Advent Calendar.

I might post later or I might still be handcuffed to a chair in a folorn corner of northern Brussels refusing to leave until Doctor Evil cuts my leg off. Who knows? Of such small mysteries life is made. Ok, now I am tripping on dried fruit and Nurofen, time to stop.


Anonymous said...

ouchies.... stupid shikeet (wv) knee of death! You poor thing, I think cutting it off would be preferable to large needles for me too.

peevish said...

What the hell is wrong with your knee, anyway? Have you even received a diagnosis?

I'm making offerings for you (as I type) at the Euro-Altar of Suffering. Also I'm hoping you get another nice morphine shot.

justme said...

Yes I am wondering what is wrong with it too. POOR you! It sounds agonising so I hope you are managing to get someone to see it today.

screamish said...

can someone email me a morphine shot too? please?? someone...anyone...all I have is beer to counteract the Colicy Baby Cry of Death X 2 for twindom...

Grit said...

i could do with la Cicciolina round here to brighten up my day. the last visitor who stayed from overseas at the pile locked themselves in the cellar. the first time by accident, the second when she refused to come out. i can only assume it is because we make such welcoming hosts.

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Not the knee of death! Have you not told the knee it is nearly Christmas and to stop pestering you?

katyboo1 said...

Agree with everyone else. Demand morphine and float about defying the knee with raised arm and defiant shouts of 'rrrahhhh!' etc. I have some valium in the cupboard I am happy to post to you if this might help.

It may just be an overenthusiastic knee that just can't help joining in a bit too much. You know, like the annoying girls who were always good at lacrosse and would leap about shouting 'me! Me! Pick me!' while everyone else tried to hide in the hedge and become one with the foliage.

That's it. You have lacrosse girl's knee.

That's real that is.

You can have that diagnosis for free by the way. Because you are nice.

Mr Farty said...

Belgian Waffle and the Knee of Death sounds a lot better than that Harry Potter crap. Sending you some virtual hash to dull the pain.

Red Shoes said...

Worrying about you.

Anonymous said...

your knee wants you to visit san diego. it will not stop complaining until you do. i suggest you listen to your knee.

that wasn't at all helpful, i know, so know i am concentrating on sending good vibrations (i am a californian, after all) your way.

Ali said...

Oh dear. I hope you're able to get some decent attention for your knee or at least some decent narcotics.

Waffle said...

Ah, you are all so lovely.

No diagnosis Peevish and no damn morphine. Doctor Evil the return just drained the knee of its evil temporarily. Most of it is back today. I will tell you if anyone ever tells me what is wrong with it. It is just old and shit and badly designed I think.

Screamish! SO good to hear from you. Are you surviving over there in the screaming den of colicky twin hell? Do you need anything sent from Belgium?

Grit - I will send her your way. Be prepared for the onslaught of TMI.

CTTF - the knee of death LAUGHS in the face of Christmas. Ho ho ho it goes. But not in a santa like way.

Katyboo - did you PLAY lacrosse? I thought it only existed in Angela Brazil novels. We had hockey but took so long to get to the playing field we could usually ensure the match was nearly over. If the knee is over-enthusiastic, it certainly hasn't caught it from me.

Mr F - virtual hash gratefully received.

Red Shoes - don't worry, lovely Red Shoes. Noone ever died of an swollen knee. Fact.

Lisa - you are right. The rest of me wants to come with it. Damn. Do you have pints and pints of margarita for the knee? It likes margarita.

Ali - You lovely.

Anonymous said...

we have margarita fountains! just the place for your knee! and not just the classic margarita, but strawberry margaritas, mango margaritas, peach margaritas, etc., etc., ad nauseum. and crispy tortillas and guacamole and fresh salsa and beaches, etc., etc., ad nauseum.

and, plenty of malted milk balls (which, i think, according to wikipedia, are the equivalent of maltesers).

Anonymous said...

Margharita fountains sound good - most things sound good compared to my last couple of days, though not the knee of death.

Mr Farty has a point - hash is probably the best cure - if you can still feel it you won't care. Though whisky would probably have that effect too. Can you get a new knee? They do replacement hips after all ...

Waffle said...

How about a margarita fountain filled with malted chocolate balls. I am booking my ticket right now. I will not take up much space in your closet. Just a cushion for the knee of death and a bucket of margarita....

CA - join us in the margarita fountain! run away from real life. I am very tempted today..

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