We are finally back in Brussels, where it is pouring, Belgian administration has unleashed a wildcat public holiday on us and Lashes is trying to hatch his Triops eggs from the Science Museum. The Triops egg box is full of weasel words like "nearly all packets contain Triops eggs" and "the majority of triops eggs hatch" in teeny tiny font. We have also left the instructions in London. It's like the original blue print for the expression "doomed to failure". Fingers is trying to put plastic witch fingernails up my nose whilst bilingually whining at maximum irritation pitch. It is four o clock which is not nearly late enough for my plan of vodka/sleep/kitschy French tv/ginger buns and the rising tide of despair is engulfing me. It is, naturally, dark.
Let's cheer ourselves (uh, me and my multiple personalities perhaps) up. I will tell you the stuff that made me laugh over the past couple of days and you can do the same. OK? OK.
1. Stupid story from my sister, possibly urban legend as it supposedly happened to her "housemate's cousin's friend". Ha. Without the Space Cadette's incredibly sweet and rambling delivery it probably won't be funny at ALL, but here goes.
The 'friend' and her husband had a large python which they used to allow to sleep on the bottom of their bed "in a curly ball" (said Space Cadette, this already made me laugh). One day it stopped sleeping in a curly ball and started sleeping lying straight out in a line between the friend and the husband. At the same time the snake started to slink off into corners for whole days, doing nothing and not moving. It also refused food. The friend and her husband were very worried about the python, thinking it must be ill, or depressed, and took it to the vet. The vet listened carefully to the python's symptoms, and their concerns and said "The python is starving itself in order to be able to eat you. It is lying between you on the bed while it decides which of you to eat first".
Is that at all funny? Or is it just me? Just me, right? Sorry.
2. Prog rock step dad painstakingly sewing Lashes a pair of bat ears out of old socks. And phoning the chip shop to ask what a Kermit was (deep fried mushy peas, apparently). And showing me how his wind up lederhosen fell over after their manic dance. I bought him wind up lederhosen for his sixtieth birthday. I am a very very bad step child.
3. The sex shoppe as pictured in my last post:
was, my sister tells me, at the centre of a Yorkshire Evening Press scandal, for allegedly selling people pornography that wasn't pornographic enough. I have just checked the YEP archives but can find no trace of this. Still, good story. There are many more.
4. Fingers breaking into heavily accented and very seriously delivered version of Amarillo on a District Line train and most of the carriage joining in with the handclaps. It was like that bit in My Best Friends Wedding (marvel at my glittering cultural references) where all the lobster restaurant sings 'I say a little prayer'.
5. They Might be Giants here come the 123s, especially this one, courtesy of Peevish. Thanks Peevish!
6. The Non Working Monkey's giant pumpkin.
7. All my old photos from York, especially the super super ugly ones (yes! there are even worse ones! Going to showcase a few over November I think if I can.
S'all. Shiny things please. November is long and cruel and we will need each other more than ever.