#1 "Old baldy - comb-over, ur doin it rong"
#2 "Plz let it not be a windy day"
Not too bad, you're thinking. But wait! Look what lies beneath!
Freakish bruise-like bald patch! Like someone has been attacking my scalp with a mole wrench pince vise grip.
Yeah. That bad. It sort of makes me wonder why I bother wearing nice clothes or putting make up on. Oh yes! I don't! I'll just setttle right back down in my €5 stained tracksuit bottoms, and promotional t-shirt from the work trip to the Millenium Dome, pick my spots and eat my bodyweight in chocolate pumpkins and quit fretting.
I'm thinking maybe tomorrow I should go for this:
I've been wanting to make a cabbage leaf mask for soooo long and this cabbage was just perfect - I love its twisty, curly headpiece. I look like Mr Oogie Boogie Man from the Nightmare Before Christmas don't I?
Disturbing. I'm like the creepy, creepy vegetable man from some German cautionary tale about small boys who don't eat their greens. I'm the evil spirit of brassicas. See this and never eat cabbage again. Note that I spent time making a cabbage leaf mask, but the kitchen is in exactly the same state as yesterday (though Makka Pakka is gone, I think the CFO binned him while we were out). Fingers tried it too.
It would take more than that to scare Fingers off green things though. Please observe as my freakish child eats RAW. Brussel. Sprouts.
"Maman!" whines his elder brother, jealously. "Why does Fingers have chou et chou de bruxelles and not ME?"
"There's plenty for everyone of you freaks, uh, darlings"
Mmm, delicious. (Freaks).
I rent them out to exercise peer pressure on other children for a small fee, payable in Fruit Shoots and Pokemon cards.
*Newer readers may need to know I am bald, not merely a collector of balding wigs. Bald underneath the balding wig. Yes indeed!