Wednesday, 1 October 2008

Resignation Part 2 - now with 100% extra dancing

Yay! I did it! The Bearded One is going to fucking kill me! Following BMF's advice, I did it with a letter, in the hope this would make it harder to refuse, and thus it proved. It generated nothing blogworthy whatsoever - no Peloops, dancing, Mexican wrestling costumes, Eric Cantona style ninja antics. My boss looked like he had eaten a large furry moth, but it only lasted seconds, which was a little galling. Yeah, I am that good*.

So instead, to celebrate, nous allons danser "le Tecktonik"with notre professeur, DJ Lashes! L'other professeur MC Fingers était asleep.

You know how French people are, like, thirty years behind with dancing? So, in the 80s and 90s it was all 'le rock n' roll', 'ze jive' and 'le tweeest'? Now, they seem to have reached the acid house years, with hilariously inept "dance" craze, le tecktonik which is raging across France and Belgium. You need to be skinny, and po-faced, and have elaborately gelled and coiffed hair, and you need a sort of studded belt to keep your low slung trousers up. As for the actual dancing, a child could do it. No, really. Look! Watch and learn.

DJ Lashes' management would like to emphasise that those curtains were NOT part of his rider. They were hand made by his Mamie and look like crap. Is this World of Interiors? Not it is not. We are in la discothèque! Il fait very dark.

Step 1

Strike a pose. Look serious! It's not funny. We aren't here to have fun. Nous allons danser. Mais oui.

Step 2

Move your arms jerkily! Moving your body is optional - le DJ Lashes is of the static school. Whatever you do, don't smile.

Step 3

Move them again. Twistily. If your wrists are double jointed all the better.

Steps 4 and 5

Ok, pay attention because this is the important bit. Put your arms together at the elbows and them sort of whirl them around your head in circles. What do you mean it looks rubbish? Mais on s'en fout! C'est le techtonik!


Step 6

Euuh, do it again? Allez, les filles! Encore une fois!

Step 7

Crack the very slightest of smiles. The crowd go wild!

Step 8

Finish avec style! Yeah!

Le DJ Lashes has left the building. His mother is picking Playdoh off her socks. Rock n roll.

*Lovely people who have shown concern at my impending financial ruin, there is a good chance of either some freelance, or a much reduced part time type thing. If either is on offer I promise to bite the euromasters' hands off.


La Belette Rouge said...

I am delighted that I am the first to congratulate you. Sorry for my competitive streak and hope it does not impact the sincerity of my well wishes and sincere congratulations. I am soooooo happy for you!!! And, I do not at all fear for your financial future. You are far too creative, smart, educated and lovely to ever go without. And, should things go terribly pear shaped you always could rent Lashes out for parties. He is quite the dancer!!!;-)

peevish said...

I am so excited for you! Brava!!

DJ lashes has a real future with this danse thing. Also he is clearly not afraid of the camera, which helps tremendously. Did you have to bribe him for his participation?

Jaywalker said...

Thank you so much Belette! I feel quite giddy. Even if I do have to fall back on my dancing child or vegetable carving, it will have been worth it.

Peevish - no encouragement required at ALL. He is always trying to correct my tecktonik technique and was only too happy to give the internets a masterclass..

justme said...

I must practice my dancing it seems.....
Well done you for resigning! Soon you will be wondering how you ever found the time to go to work. But I do hope that this does not mean you will be spending less time with us here on the internets. I do so rely upon you for my dailly giggle!

valley girl said...

Well done!!

I think you have a future Justin Timberlake there.....

katyboo1 said...

Huzzah for you!

Fabulous dancing indeed. He needs a cage, a whistle and a tea break every two hours and he could be raking it in.

My husband taught my children the basics of raving with this simple little chant: 'Big Fish, Little Fish, Cardboard Box, Trolley, Trolley, Oy, Oy, Oy.' With appropriate hand gesticulations obviously. So if the Tecktonik gets passe you can always give that a whirl.

Mom/Mum said...

Well done you!

He looks like the future of te dancefloor. JT better watch out!

Kate said...

Congratulations on the job quitting!

And what is up with the French dancing so badly? I always thought it was humorous on those shows where they actually have girls to lead the entire audience in super lame movements all in unison. I was gobsmacked when I actually went to concerts and saw that everyone actually danced that way without someone leading them.

Nikki said...

Yayyyyyy! And I concur re. the child rental... or perhaps he could dance on street corners? Put a hat in front of him, and watch the coins pile up!

parisgirl said...

Well done.
Does this mean the rv in Paris is off?

Mr Farty said...

Those are the coolest dance moves!

Oh. And congratulations!

Lulu LaBonne said...

so you've put the wig on backwards, you've got the dance moves, do you have a fencing mask by any chance Ms Jaywalker? I can see your future career written in the stars

Red Shoes said...

I can't begin to express how glad I am for you! In an unrelated note, I am upset that as soon as you got your internets back, mine became unbearably bad. Why must it be? But back to the topic at hand: Hooray for being free! Hooray for DJ Lashes! Hooray hooray!

Daisy Daily said...

Wowowowow! So much happened since I last caught up with you. Have got a new pseudonym now but wanted to recontact you now I have started another blog...not sure if you'll remember! Congratulations on your newfound freedom from the corridor of ennui, and also kudos to Lashes who's got the French dancing down to a tea! x Daisy

hairyfarmerfamily said...

I am blinking in awe at DJ Lashes' astounding efforts. I must formally request a tecktonik video for our viewing pleasure!

Helena said...

Having checked your links, I regret to inform you that it cannot possibly be true techtonik if you are not wearing high tops.
I will accept the fact that it was the dancer's bedtime as an excuse for this first offence.
Seriously though, congratulations! It'll be great.

KSV Woolfoot said...

Congratulations on making your big move. I have quit a couple of jobs where I was sort of waiting for someone to show up and plead with me to change my mind and offer me the Sun the Moon and the Stars and then they kind of didn't. Maybe the sun and moon were offered to you? I am sure you would have told them they could keep their heavenly bodies.

Your little dancing guy is adorable. Since he is half English there is hope that he may actually someday be cool on a grown up dance floor (although not in France - never in France). Isn't the UN preparing to step in on this matter of popular French dances? Congrats again.

Pearl said...

OMG. Stumbled upon you and this is the best thing I've read for ages. I am in love with your writing.

Et maintenant! We dance!


Jaywalker said...

Pearl - Hello! Oui, dansons ensemble until nos jambes fall off!

KSV - they so should. I mean, financial meltdown is nothing compared to lame french dancing. I may still be semi employed. It remains to be seen.

Helena - Damn, DJ Lashes will be mortified. Also, thank you! Yay, I can come and play with you soon.

HFF - he doesn't get it from his maman, rest assured.

Daisydaily - you're Marianne - hooray! You're back! More about your new job please.

Redshoes - but now the fricking 'puter has died. Decidedly, someone does not want us discussing origami shoes.

Lulu - I have couple of dinosaur masks. Will they do? Can I come chase hornets?

Cheers Mr F - bring to craze to Scotland now.

PG - no, still on, absolutely. We still have Paris. I have a lengthy notice period in which to sit around uselessly.

Nikki - your plan is sound, but DJ Lashes has considerable financial acumen, and is unlikely to agree to a profit share..

Kate - It's to make the rest of us feel better faced with their relentless French superiority in every other domain I think. Merci la France.

M/M - I think JT manages to keep his mouth closed.

Katyboo - I have to tell you I spent much of yesterday trying to work out quite what those hand gestures would be. It was fun.

VG - Cheers. Presumably Justin dresses himself occasionally? That would be something to aspire to.

Justme - rest assured, normal demented service will be maintained during unemployment.

(Very) Lost in France said...

Fab Jaywalker. I too have been subjected to the various thrills of techtonik. Our village even had a tecktonik competition. The fact that the son of the organiser is a particularly proficient tecktonik-er had nothing to do with it of course. Sadly, I was watching paint dry that evening so I couldn't make it. DJ Lashes is a natural. VLiF

(Very) Lost in France said...

Ooops,forgot to say. Congratulations! VLiF

Jaywalker said...

I can't believe you didn't go VLiF! I mean, I know all that line dancing has weakened you, but oh god, a rural tecktonik competition, I would have paid a fistful of euros to see that.....

Iota said...

Wow. My 11 year old could have done with looking at these pics before he went off yesterday to his first ever Middle School Dance. Afterwards, I asked him if he'd danced. He said "No. One girl asked me if I wanted to, so I said "maybe later" and then I didn't".

I'm so glad the distraction techniques I endlessly employed when he was a toddler have paid off. They seem quite effective in Middle School Dance situations.

Jaywalker said...

Iota - hee! Ah yes, the vital delaying/distraction technique. I think both my kids' first full sentence was "Give me two minutes".

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