I promise the internet mealworms, the internet gets mealworms. Just, not this very second because now that the internet is fixed, the computer has died. I am hopeful of getting it done today somehow, but in the meantime, think of this as a taster.
Last night the children where pretending to be baby parrots on the way home from school. No, I don't know why; it had been going on all day. Whatever. Anyway, Fingers was crouched in one door way, and Lashes in another, cheeping for worms, while I flapped my 'wings' and pretended to regurgitate food for them, when a tiny toothless fury of a woman came raging down the street shrieking at me incomprehensibly. Not even in phlegmish. In "mad".
"Fuck your father!" she said "Paedophiles! Floor! Gypsies! Children! Albert!"
And then she tried to kick me in the head with a ninja karate kick. She was probably in her mid sixties, just shy of five feet and wearing a flowered housecoat. I swear this is all true.
The thing is, she was so small, and rage-filled and toothless, I just couldn't stop laughing, which made her crosser and crosser. The children were quite awed by her though. For several hours thereafter Lashes kept saying "Les dames ne font pas ça!" (ladies don't do that). Clearly she had messed with his vision of femininity. Possibly no bad thing.
There is no point to this story. Sorry. Except, perhaps, if you are going to be a crazy street person, you might as well go the whole hog and be as crazy as she was. Floor!