Me: I can haz mony pliz, CFO sez I haz to hide in matrus?
(He does. Actually, he has taken to rising at 5 for an hour's intensive worrying; then he comes and wakes me up for exchanges like this:
CFO: I think the crisis will be coming to an end just about when the boys are starting work - we should get a safe deposit box.
CFO: Are you listening? We need to get a safe!
E: Urgh. But what would we put in it?
CFO: Cash, of course.
E: Huh. But what if there's a one of those, yunno, things. Devaluation? Money in wheelbarrows?
CFO: It will still be better to have the box. Oh, and you have to close all our savings accounts and get cash.
E: But, but, can't we just leave it all there and eventually it will get better?
CFO: No. We should take it out then put it in again when it bottoms out.
E: But but but .. Actually, could I have a cup of tea with my 6am macroeconomics? Please? )
Counter Lady (bored, taking pro forma from GIANT pile labelled 'panicking investors sign here'): sign here.
There is a sound of vigorous rustling and a giant crazy smelly guy with massive 'fro and a million old carrier bags lurches right up to window, placing his face right on the glass: SPRECHEN SIE DEUTSCH???
Counter lady: No [at Deutsche Bank they obviously they only speak French. This is Belgium remember]
GCSGWLF: I want to open an account! (speaking mixture of French, German and 'Crazy')! Fascists! [Waves carrier bags around menacingly]
Counter lady (with squinty eyed menace): Sir, step back I am dealing with Madame.
GCSGWLF: You people stink the Metro out with your unwashed foufounes*! You should wash! Don't you know how to wash? Wash your dirty German skin!
Counter lady (with admirable restraint): Go away sir. I'm not opening an account for you.
GCSGWLF moves backwards two paces, makes Nazi salute and starts singing "Deutschland, Deutschland, über alles" blocking the doorway with his massive bulk and carrier bag collection.
Me: Um, are we done?
Counter lady: Yeah, bonne journée.
I navigated cautiously round GCSGWLF who appeared satisfied that I was insufficiently German to require a hygiene lecture, and ran away.
Next time I meet Ninja Lady I will be aiming for similar unflappable froideur.
*Take a wild guess.