Absence from parental nest of slavery:
Collection of spawn from school:
Daily short outbursts.
Moderate, constant. 2 "fucking hell Lashes"
Trailer trash meals :
Uncle Ben's microwave rice with frozen peas, "Pizza" (ready roll dough + Dolmio), 2 Apéro dinners (Doritos, cucumber, ham). Urk.
Parental threats to cry complete with trembly voice and lip:
One incident - weebly voiced Jaywalker "I know you're very sad about the Yu Gi Oh cards Lashes BUT I FEEL LIKE CRYING TOO! I am very very tired and my feet hurt*". Boys look blankly at me for a nanosecond in a sort of "and your point is?" fashion, then start bickering again.
1 pretend toaster, 3 Makka Pakkas, 1 Matchbox car, 1 plastic dragon
"Oh shut up":
40 per child
"Your father will GO MAD if he sees you doing that":10
Hours in front of TV:Children - 15; parents - 25
Meals in front of TV:
Children - 3; parents - 7
I'm giving myself a sort of thin lipped moue of disapproval. Like this:
To celebrate the restoration of the internets and a surprisingly positive score from Oliver (no, really. This was a good week.), I am also offering you this photo of Lashes (3/10 for behaviour at school this week) yesterday, deciding what else to cover in red paint.
Quick! Get that child his cortisol smoothie!
* The person (curlywurlyhifi) who told me about the evil MBT trainers drawing blood within seconds - you were right. You were so so right.