Thursday, 18 September 2008

Fondant anarchists

So. The end of the world is still tiresomely nigh. Bo-ring. But! I have been prompted to wonder what skills we can all bring to the post-capitalism world by a punctuation free email from the Space Cadette:

"yea i see global capitalism is collapsin! morrisons is still standing so i dont think its hit york yet. is now not the time to jump ship then? plus u have many craft and cake baking skills that will be very useul under anarchism, no joke man those anarchists they love their knitting and cake i have observed".

I think we should start planning, and make this blog the new epicentre of self-sufficient anarchist living (says Mme Jaywalker du haut de ses escarpins Louboutin) . Especially with my ill-advised plans to jack in my lucrative but dull eurojob. Seriously! Let's grab the zeitgeist by the balls and do bad things to it with icing sugar. It's going to be a brave new crafty world, patrolled by marrowdiles, angler fish and angry balls of mohair and we have the resources to make it work for us.

Peevish should obviously spearhead this movement with her superlative crafting skills. The Mountainear and Livesbythewoods have free access to vegetable matter, what with living in the country and can forge it into terrible creatures in the white hot furnace of their deranged creativity. Kate makes frequent claims of knitted diapers but we have yet to see proof (seriously Kate, sort it out. We're losing faith). Lulu knows how to catch wasps and feed them to spiders. Persephone can make cakes out of lice. Helena turns crafty ineptitude into an art form. Zoe (I can't link to her because the corridor of tedium BARS ACCESS to her blog on grounds of it being filth. But her boyfriend is a twat. Yes, I am blogging from work. What of it? I could resign at any moment!) is quite frightening in possession of paperclips which I think will count in our favour. When the world governing classes crumble away, I can craft us some more out of fondant. And then we can eat them. What do you think?

I have been taking a wide and interesting variety of pain meds which may explain this frothingly nonsensical post. Top Belgian tip, folks: tell your Belgian GP you have a migraine and you get temazepam! Result! I will have fantastic personal pharmacopeia to barter for firewood come the end of the world. Really, you want to be on my team, I'm telling you.


kelly said...

wow. All I get for my migraine efforts is imitrex, which isn't NEARLY as much fun.

Can I join the team? I don't have icing sugar on the floor (yet), but I do have paper scraps and glitter.

And until last night, I had a bottle of Wilton's readymade cookie icing sitting in my living room for a week.


Lulu LaBonne said...

Yeah but I don't do that wasp thing - it hurts, my best skill may well be mouse keeping.

You've got drugs to barter? - you'll be the queen when we're all smoking banana skins

Kate said...

I dug up the diaper the other day. I never wove in the ends or put the velcro on it. Now I just have to take a picture and find my damned camera cable and your email (which I imagine must be in with the fete stuff).

ps. I want some louboutins and the balance to wear them. I'm not feeling fabulous enough walking around with snot all over me (not mine).

Jaywalker said...

Kelly - Of course you can join, though your comment raises questions. Chief of which: what happened to the cookie icing?

Lulu: Um, ok. We could probably barter some mice for banana skins. You're still in!

I need proof! Snot (I am mainly wearing my own today) is perfectly accessorised with 4 in patent heels. I recommend.

Lisa said...

I've never loved you more than I do right now. I just might have to sculpt you, with Marshmallow Fluff as my medium. You know it dries to an almost rock-hard consistency?

I hope you slipped a little pharmaceutical-something into that package you sent me.

Anyway: REVOLUTION! WORLD DOMINATION! Through the bizarre misuse of various household goods. This is going to get a bit Macgyver, isn't it? You know he can craft a bomb from a tampon and some hand lotion. Could we do that?

Nikki said...

You are brilliant. That is all.

Persephone said...

Oh good. Just when I was about to pack it in, I now learn I can shoulder the banner of self-sufficient anarchy through creepy cakes. That makes about as much sense as anything else that happened around the house this week. On top of it all, with the world economy going foom, this almost certainly means McCain/Palin in the US in November, and Stephen Harper and his Merry Band of Yes-men in Canada on October 14th. (I call the latter "Helmet Head".)
Anarchy never looked so good...

Léonie said...

I have no skills. All I can bring to this anarchist table is a certain fondness for ponies! I will learn to bake, perhaps.

I could make Global Capitalism Crumble, or some sweet treats called Credit Crunchies.

peevish said...

Mmm, credit crunchies.

justme said...

Ummmmmm.....I'm sure I must have SOME skills....I'll let you know when I work out what they are!

Jaywalker said...

Yes! Credit Crunchies! Deliciously zeitgeisty! Go Léonie.

Peevish, yes, I love the idea of having a rock hard effigy of myself made from hardened sugar fluff. There is absolutely a market for this. There just IS. Also the CFO is an excellent Magyver. He once made a whisk from a coat hanger and a power drill. It was a disaster, but hey.

Persephone - yes. Bring anarchy to Canada. It is your duty.

Mr Farty said...

Mmmm cake! Oh, that reminds me - I have a wedding tomorrow. I'll probly take until Sunday to sober up. But we're totally blowing things up then, yes we are!

Happy International Talk Like A Pirate Day! Yarr!

valley girl said...

Whoever said the drugs don't work was clearly wrong....
I'm rubbish at cakes but will be with you in spirit!

zoe said...

Oh you must see this: Sarah Palin

bonnie-ann black said...

can i join? i make a mean cupcake, can make radish flowers and can, when pressed to it, make a pillow or baby blanket out of any material... i don't promise they'll be *comfortable* but they will be available!

Jaywalker said...

jeez bonnie ann I think you could probably be our leader with skills like those. Wow! I think you and Peevish should have a leadership squabble now. With live craft-offs.

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