Weekend poem (with apologies to Dr Seuss)

There and here and here and there,

Dangerous things are everywhere.

These rusty things are things we like

These things we like have spiky spikes.

This place is called the countryside

Do we like it? We have tried.

Our auntie looks like someone died.

Our auntie wears a thunderous frown

She only likes it in the town

We have not seen a single bus

Instead we're getting tetanus.

This yellow one has pointy bits

It makes our auntie lose her wits

She says we must not climb these things

Our parents like us with our limbs

This rusty thing is green and red

The spiky bits can kill us dead

This is what our auntie said

But then she went back to her bed

What is this thing? We do not know.

Our auntie's face is full of woe

She says it is a sleeping crow.

Why does it smell? I cannot tell.

Perhaps it is not feeling well.

I need to pee I need to pee

Our auntie does not answer me

She is asleep, it's ten to three.

I cannot open this big door

So I will pee here on the floor

Our auntie comes, she smells of gin

She hides the pee under the bin

We are here. Grandad is not.

We wonder where our grandad's got.

We cannot find our grandad here

He's reading books and drinking beer.

The spiders here are very big

These ones could eat an adult pig

Our auntie does not seem to care

That there are spiders in our hair

The things she does when she's awake

Are drinking gin and eating cake

Yes.

There and here and here and there

The countryside is everywhere