Thursday, 7 August 2008

The Village Fête Rules*

The Village Fête - The rules. Because a village fête must have rules. Without rules, it's just a short step to eating each other.

1. You can enter as many things in as many categories as you want. Especially if you are me. If you enter a category, I will. Just so there is sufficient competition.

2. Categories are:

- Vegetable carving

I would mark this one down for excessive reliance on toothpicks, myself.

- Decorated cake

You too can convey your favourite piece of military hardware in the medium of buttercream!
This is the best cake decorating website in the history of the universe. I command you to go there. Thank you Juddie.

- Pet, or pet and owner, fancy dress

Creeping you out as much as it is me? Yes? Good.

- Creation made from office supplies (this one for my fellow office drones - go crazy with those Stabilos! Hole punch yourself into the white heat of creativity!)

- Tray or shoe box garden (or other landscape - I will demonstrate later this week)

- Soft stuff (sewing, knitting, garments, kittens)

- Miscellaneous - because I would hate to fetter those creative impulses that are harder to characterise. A pig made from twigs!

And why not.

Obviously, if you have a large real pig to show us, I would be churlish to refuse. Possibly they qualify as "soft". I do not consider myself qualified to opine.

3. The judges decision will be final and arbitrary. The judges are permitted to make up any rules they see fit in judging their category.

4. Entries can be submitted either by uploading a photo of your creation on your own webpage but letting me know, obviously, or to the Belgian Waffle email:

5. Prizes will be made up by me on the spur of the moment. They will be Belgian. You have been warned.

6. Anyone found morris dancing will be instantly disqualified.

7. Entries close on 31 August 2008 and winners will be announced on 6 September 2008.

(*I do promise to post some other, non-village fête stuff soon too. I have much to say on topics including hats with integrated beards, and the miraculous resolution of the rusty spoon cat conundrum)


Persephone said...

Alas, I am house-sitting three thousand miles from home and am unable to upload photos, so you will be spared the sight of my cantaloupe jack o' lanterns....

Alwen said...

Even dark Morris, a la Terry Pratchett?

Jaywalker said...

Alwin - I'm tempted to make an exception, I really am. But it would have to be really dark, and ideally you should have a live animal on your head. Ok? ok.

Persephone - do something so grandiose it gets into the local paper then. Think big!

peevish said...

I don't even know what Morris Dancing is. What if I accidentally do something which might be considered Morris dancing?? Instant disqualification?

Jaywalker said...

Peevish - yes. I cannot be flexible on this point or there will be anarchy.
But if you don't have bells tied to your ankles, you aren't waving a stick/hankerchief combo and dancing to the happy sound of the hurdy gurdy you are probably fairly safe.

justme said...

You are not going to like this.....but I actually HAVE been a morris dancer in my time........ok, not for a long know what its quite fun! get to drink lots of beer (well you didn't think people did that sober, did you???)
Am I now disqualified from the fete and your blog??? ( she asks, axiously, this being her best laugh of the day most days.....)
I could teach you a few steps?

Jaywalker said...

Justme - Hmm. Your comment causes me great pain. Could we describe you as a 'recovering' Morris Dancer? Is there a ten step programme? Do you promise never to do it again on these pages?

Mr Farty said...

Who is Morris and why is he dancing?

That cake website made me weep with laughter. Thanks.

Jaywalker said...

Me too Mr F (cakewrecks)! It was quite debilitating.

Morris should do what he needs to do in the privacy of his own home.