Wednesday, 6 August 2008

Vegetable photo story - much harder than it looks

What's that on the banks of yonder grubby faux marble river?

Great scot Carruthers! A sleeping marrowdile*! No, not a marrowgator. Her markings are quite distinctive. Pray, don't disturb her. They can be deadly when roused.

Uh oh, I think she's seen us. Stay veeeery still.


Carruthers! Damnation, the marrowdile has Carruthers in its gaping maw! Hang on Carruthers, I'm coming to get you!



[Gurgle; death rattle]


[the female marrowdile drags her prey back to her nest where two broods of young marrowdiles are hungrily awaiting her]

Delightful preteen marrowdiles: Diver! Yum, thanks mater!

Teenage marrowdile: I'm a fucking vegetarian. I told you yesterday. It's like you don't listen to a WORD I say.

[Female marrowdile rolls eyes and slinks off for a nap]

Vegetable carving and vegetable narrative. Don't say I don't spoil you.

The village fête. Go on. You know you want to.

*Um, Léonie, I know it's not quite the rainbow pony you were hoping for. Sorry.


Dumdad said...

I was going to write something like "make me a marrowdile sandwich and make it snappy" but I thought better of it.

Gigi said...

That is brilliant. I'm no where near arty enough to participate in your village fête, I'm afraid. I have enough trouble just peeling a vegetable.

I was going to say "That poor Playmobil man had a marrow escape - should have told the beast to get stuffed..." but like Dumdad, I thought better of it...

Léonie said...

AMAZING. Who needs ponies when there are marrowdiles!

My life is complete.

Out of interest - was that the first marrow you tried? Or are there marrow carcasses littering your home from previous attempts?

Waffle said...

Bad punning people - stop it stop it. Go and make something. Gigi, you can use words if vegetables are too much. Dumdad - marrowdile sandwich. Nasty.

Léonie - that is my first marrow and it's all yours. I nearly gave up and started again when it started looking more like a killer whale /toad / skink. But it was nudging midnight so I perservered, to no great effect I'm afraid....

zoe said...

Why has that marrowdile got half a cucumber stuck up its arse? I shall start carving pathetically later on. You've used accessories so I will too.

La Belette Rouge said...

Did the marrowgater evolve from the cucumber or did the cucumber evolve from the marrowgater. Either way, I will never look at a cucumber the same way again. You have a fierce talent for carving and cucumber-mation. One might describe you as a Rodin of arrugula or the Michelangelo of mixed veg.

Waffle said...

Zoe - Have you seen a marrow recently? They are not, in fact, at all crocodile shaped. As I learnt to my cost. Accessories are encouraged, I look forward gleefully.

Belette - Cucumber-mation is my new favourite word. I think there should be a new Oscar for it. And you are too, too kind. See above for the cuke/marrow conundrum.

Also, toothpicks, people. You will need toothpicks. Trust me.

Lucy Diamond said...

Oh my God. You are clearly the coolest mother in the world. My son wants to move in to your place for the rest of his life, is that all right?

justme said...

I am laughing my head off here, because just before I read this, I picked a ridiculous number of large courgettes (which are definately heading towards being marrows) from the garden and I was WONDERING what on earth to do with them......
Sadly I have not your tallent with a carving tool.....
If I post them to you, will you do me a menace of marrowdiles????

Waffle said...

Lucy - how lovely though unwise on his part. He is very welcome would soon get sick of a diet of marrow shavings. He might want to check out the atrocities perpetrated on action man previously on these pages before he makes his mind up?

Justme - Are you sure? I bet you could. Go on go on go on. I don't have a shred of artistic fibre, just a paring knife and a packet of toothpicks. Go ooon

screamish said...

i'm delirious with the heat and I stumble upon these photos...seriously disturbing...but I do love the penguins..I'm just dehydrated and delirious to try it myself

Persephone said...

Clearly, marrows are your medium (and not maché).

(I've tagged you for a book meme, sorry! I found it irresisible, but if you don't, no worries!)

Waffle said...

Screamish - I checked out your blog and you even already have a picture of a marrow/giant courgette on it. You are obviously destined for carving greatness!

Persephone - 'the marrow is my medium' may become my new favourite expression. The book meme is indeed irresistible, I am sure I will end up doing (badly).

Sam said...

oh ha ha very funny, just found you via Whoopee and wish I'd found you sooner!!

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