Monday, 25 August 2008

Oh bollocks

Ha! So, it would appear the bastards at the Guardian stole my fête idea, made me groundless marrowdile promises and left me looking like a twat in front of everyone I know, to whom I have been twittering excitedly that vegetable fame was fast approaching for me. Thankfully our amazing leguminous friend Tallulah, the much loved and admired magnum opus of the Mountainear did feature. On with the fête. OUR fête. Which will be a hundred times more awesome, thanks to you. All of you. [chokes up, wipes tear]



You people have been desperately, frighteningly busy over the last two days, and for this, much thanks. I love you all. I have FOUR new entries! One more and I costume the tortoise (the people's choice, I believe). Yes indeed.



First, in the 'soft' category, check out Bob the Builder, submitted by ParisGirl.











ParisGirl would like to draw your attention to Bob's amazing knitted tool belt and missing fingers, not to mention his slightly totalitarian moustache, which I don't entirely remember from the original. Yay ParisGirl!



Next up, the gorgeous, glamorous Insalata courtesy of the amazingly talented Peevish, who says "Note how bloodshot her eyes are. They match her lopsided tatas. What a hard life she's had. And yet she smiles, like the delusional showgirl she is".

She so purdy!







Here's a shot of Insalata "undressed". Not for minors. Check out those curves though.





Next up, and slightly channeling Zoe's paperclip earring, I have this fine piece of vegetable jewellery from the amazing creator of Talulah, the Mountainear. The Mountainear proves that it is possible to live in the country without:

(i) growing a tail

(ii) drinking cider in bus stops

(iii) eating your young.

There is hope!



Such commitment to the cause of vegetable manipulation. I am awed.




And finally, this is just magnificent. It is by Livesbythewoods' husband, who I think is due a career change after this unbelievably sinister and impressive 'Angler Fish'. Next, I think what we need to see is a live, televised fight between the angler fish and the marrowdile. Could be fun, no? Go here, I command you, and see this in its original marrowdile hommage photostory. I snorted stuff out of my nose (I mean tea! Not snot! That came out wrong) when I read it. And if you want to know what that intriguing thing on its forehead is, you'll have to go and find out. Ha.








I don't know about you, but I feel there's a grisly inevitability about the fate of those carrot goldfish.


Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough, marrowdile. Yeah! Vegetable wrestling in the village fête 2009!

I am going to try and build myself a new ego out of egg boxes and toothpicks. One more entry and the Luchadores de Tortuga (thank you Ariane!) are yours...

12 comments:

justme said...

What Joy! Our Fete will most ceratinly better than thet of the Guardian.....yes indeedy! (please note, I say 'our' despite having been very lax in the production of veg products myself.....but I do so admire the produce!)

justme said...

Or even certainly.....

Jaywalker said...

Your admiration is an important part of the fête Justme. Much vegetable awesomeness this weekend, no?

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Oh Jaywalker, their fete feature was so lame compared to yours....in fact the only thing it had in common was the word fete...
Yours is far far funnier and not so middle class and twee...make your own bunting, I mean...c'mon...

mountainear said...

I am mightily aggrieved on your behalf. Love the new entries. Vive la fête.

La Belette Rouge said...

Oh dear, Jaywalker I am so sorry the people at the the Guardian did that to you. Lettuce get our revenge on their crude rip off of your brilliant idea, or should I say crudite', by ignoring their pathetic attempts and knowing you host the best most awesome fete ever. I assure you we will always know who the real Marrowdile creator is and there is no other fete I would attend than yours. And, the Guardian's fete will not culminate in festive tortoises; enough said!

If there sad vegetable creations dare to swim to our side of the blogging world they would be ripped from limb to limb by Marrowdiles,Angler Fish, and saucy Enslata. These fierce creations would make cole slaw out of them. Hmm, a cole slaw beard might be amusing. If only I could be trusted not to hurt myself with a knife.

KSV Woolfoot said...

It's not your fault; you could not have known that I would come hopscotching around the blogosphere and land on your blog, and start laughing so hard that my colleague across the hall might guess that I wasn't actually working; that I risked doing myself an injury trying to supress this laughter; that I have been unable for minutes at a time to sip from the Diet Pepsi that beckons from next to my keyboard, for fear of Diet Pepsi swamping my sinuses. I have only myself to blame. Please don't hold back on my account... I read a few of your London posts just now and I need to lie down, although this will be a tip off to the colleague. Still, I will be back often. I am adding a link here from my own little web site. Someone brought us a load of squash Sat. night. Maybe I'll go home and try to make something for your fete. (I don't know how to get the accent over that "e", sorry). Bless you.

zoe said...

Q didn't bring me home a vegetable to carve :( It's all HIS fault - sorry. But when do the entries stop?

peevish said...

Lovely entries all, but I especially admire the giant scary fish. Nice work there!

Stupid Guardian.

Jaywalker said...

CTTF - You are lovely. And, if we did bunting it would be really really scary bunting that would strangle the Guardian's bunting. Yeah.


Belette - Your comment made me laugh lots despite my deep disappointment for the poor marrowdile. I love the vision of our vegetable creations ripping theirs to julienne. Also, want to see a coleslaw beard now.

KSV - ooh yes please with the squash. Steal some office supplies while you are at it and do us something fearful.

Zoe - you've got til Sunday. Plenty of time for vegetable cruelty.

Peevish - Insalata more than made up for it.

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