Saturday, 9 August 2008

Office supplies: the post-it beard


In this one I look like the missing link.





This is a sort of soulful, Vermeer-esque one. Girl with a yellow beard, if you will.







This is more photo reportage. The beard, no spin.






So, yeah. A few observations on the post it beard.




1. Way way harder than it looks. And it just looks, well, crap. I feel I have let myself down. I promise to do better in the other categories.




2. No place for vanity for the post-it beard wearer. I look variously:




(i) simian;




(ii) alcoholically flushed and covered in some kind of hideous skin markings;




(iii) oddly chinless.





3. I was going for Old Testament, but I think I should accept that it's actually much more like my dad's. Paging Dr Freud?


4. My children are away. I should be having acrobatic sex and sniffing cocaine off Flemish hookers' exquisite buttocks; instead I am making a beard out of post-it notes. However, let me say that the dirty, hedonistic alternatives whispered seductively in my ear by the CFO have included:

- taking the car for its contrôle technique and stopping off at DIY superstore Bricorama on the way home for a bag of pebbles;

- assisting with this week's tortoise wash and weigh in, followed by filling in the tortoise spread sheet. Yes. He has a tortoise spreadsheet.

So beard it was. You can expect more of the same tomorrow.

11 comments:

Lauren said...

I have just discovered your blog. You make me laugh so hard my stomach hurts. Thank you!!

Jaywalker said...

Thank you Lauren you are lovely! You should check out Cakewrecks, which I have just discovered. OMG those cakes are so very very wrong.

Antonia said...

A co-worker, Nick, and I used to sit opposite each other, our desks divided by a partition that only rose a foot above the desk height. So if we sat up to talk to one another we could see each other perfectly well, but we could just as easily hide.

On one of many dull days at work I made some eyebrows from Post-it notes and quietly sat working until I heard a snigger from Nick, followed by rustling.

I looked up a minute later and he had a Post-it moustache on. Our eyes met.

There was a pause.

Then we both ducked down out of sight and frantically constructed the most outlandish facial accessories possible from office supplies, sitting bolt upright once finished to show each other our handiwork.

It was a very quiet proofreading office, with the hush of a library, and after two rounds of the game I had to run a long way down the corridor to let the laughter out.

Your beard is superb, and beats everything we came up with that day.

Jaywalker said...

Thank you Antonia, coming from you, our foremost expert in prosthetic facial hair that means a lot.
I often have to fight the impulse to put sticky flags all over my face at work. Almost as often as I have to fight the impulse to just lie on the floor, cover myself in documents and feign death.

liz nuts said...

I just loved your blog and pictures. I always read Zoe's daily life and am so pleased to recommended you. Keep it up.

mountainear said...

Most excellent beard I think. I almost wish I could work in an office so I could let those deviant impulses rip.

Jaywalker said...

Liznuts - thank you, you are lovely.

Mountainear - it would be a crime to tear you away from your medium, which is obviously fresh produce. I salute you and Talulah.

La Belette Rouge said...

You are deeply and terrifingly talented. Never did I think I could be so impressed by an office supply face-pee'. But, if I was faced with the option of washing and weighing turtles or shopping for pebbles I might risk looking simian and/or chinless.Bravo!!
Looking forward to see what you can do with staples and envelopes.;-)

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